My poor dad, God knows I love him, has a blood clot in his leg. In his usual stubbornness he won't get surgery or whatever operation will help his situation. He's also an alcoholic, so instead of being alert to when he needs to use the restroom, he'll drink and drink until he can't hold it, get up before blood can circulate past the clot, collapse, and piss himself.

The situation is humiliating and because I've lived with an alcoholic for years (my ex-bf) I try to be patient in helping him back up on his feet (or just into a nearby chair), or just talking to him while he's on his face to try and get him to sober up.

I left to live with my bf because he was the man of my dreams. I left him because he proved over time to be emotionally unstable and unwilling to get married to me, or to have children with me. He loves me still so that's never the issue, trollers. He's just too old to do anything else but love. My dad? He's too stubborn to get a new leg - how humiliating can this be? I pissed my pants before like he did, I've fallen down a dozen times he like has has, yet I never denied help, I never insisted that it was just "the clot", and never EVER pushed my loved ones away so they wouldn't see what was happening. I cried out more often than not.

Which is what I'm doing now.

My dad's got a clot in his upper thigh and won't get help, so I don't know what to do to get him to realize he needs help (maybe he's suicidal? It'll work its way to his heart eventually, we all know this.) He's also an alcoholic, and spends half his life asleep, and the other half either drinking or drunk. He will not listen, or consider what you have to say (unless you were wrong). I just don't know what to do, and am sick of staying up late to look after him. I moved out to live with my bf, and when we split, moved in with the folks to save up for photography equipment, and I'm stuck with yet another middle-aged drunkard (only this time he's related).

I just need to know what else I could do, or tell him to do.

[Edited on June 2, 2008 at 1:59 AM. Reason : I know, tldr. STFU and get the fuck out of my thread.]

6/2/2008 1:59:15 AM

not the place for this kinda shit

6/2/2008 1:59:46 AM

hahaha, chit chat, i think ^ is right, take this to louge or off line

6/2/2008 2:00:27 AM

You are officially on my shit list.

[Edited on June 2, 2008 at 2:00 AM. Reason : both of y'all.]

6/2/2008 2:00:37 AM

sit him down when he isn't drunk and have an uber-serious heart to heart chat with him.

although you've probably already done this.

6/2/2008 2:02:07 AM

Yeah, I have. He shot me down.

6/2/2008 2:02:39 AM

wholy shit

can i get a summary?

[Edited on June 2, 2008 at 2:03 AM. Reason : spellz]

6/2/2008 2:02:46 AM

call an ambulance or some shit next time it happens. make it not your problem

6/2/2008 2:03:00 AM

hey

clots in the leg like to travel

you know, with the whole circulation thing

they lodge themselves in the smallest vessel they can't pass through

depending on where it originates, this is either in the alveolar structures of the lungs or the coronary arteries

both of which are bad news

get that shit taken out, or at least get some thrombolytics.

if he doesn't, he's a dumbass. next time it happens, call 911, and (if the medic is any sort of medic at all) they'll convince him to go to the ED.

6/2/2008 2:03:19 AM

I doubt anyone will convince him to go to Emergency...

[Edited on June 2, 2008 at 2:05 AM. Reason : .]

6/2/2008 2:03:29 AM

What's his reason for not getting surgery?

6/2/2008 2:05:42 AM

Quote :

"wholy shit can i get a summary?"

Cddweller's dad is a drunken bum.

6/2/2008 2:06:14 AM

^^Humiliation and pride.

6/2/2008 2:06:52 AM

^^^^is he senile and/or demented (i.e. not of sound mind)? if so, he can be taken against his will under the principle of implied consent.

or, alternatively

call when he's drunk

if he's obviously drunk then it's the same situation as above

6/2/2008 2:07:01 AM

^^^and her ex was a drunken bum too

6/2/2008 2:07:02 AM

Quote :

"You are officially on my shit list."

why, im just advising you to avoid the flaming which is inevitable in chit chat

and Jen, if you have a hard time with spelling you should get firefox with auto spell checker
thats why im error free

6/2/2008 2:08:09 AM

Evan gave you the best answer you are going to get.


=======================================================================

Now let this turn into a white trash bashing thread!

6/2/2008 2:08:18 AM

^^^I totally counted on you to reirerate that.

And my dad is far from white trash. He is an engineer, and served his country in Vietnam.

[Edited on June 2, 2008 at 2:09 AM. Reason : .]

6/2/2008 2:08:26 AM

Tell him how much of a cop-out it would be for him to die over a clot in the leg when people over seas die fighting for this country.

6/2/2008 2:08:50 AM

I pissed my pants before like he did, I've fallen down a dozen times he like has has, yet I never denied help, I never insisted that it was just "the clot", and never EVER pushed my loved ones away so they wouldn't see what was happening. I cried out more often than not.

6/2/2008 2:09:52 AM

maybe he wants to die. What's the point, he obviously fucked up, when both his daughters go for old balls alchies

6/2/2008 2:10:10 AM

hahaha damn

6/2/2008 2:11:07 AM

I bet cddweller's kisses taste like ben-gay.

6/2/2008 2:13:31 AM

slap the ever living fuck out of him
tell him you are hitting him because you love him
keep slapping him across the face till he agrees to get help

or a milder version of this depending on frailty

6/2/2008 2:25:44 AM

Fuck it. You've done what you've can, you've been patient, and his stubborn dumb ass (no offense, I know he's your dad and all) won't do anything about it. He's had the situation explained to him, and aside from the alcoholism and whatnot he's probably a rational being with his own mind. If he refuses to get help, then let him make his selfish decision. Let him pay the price for his own mistakes, and refuse to clean up after him any further.

Don't get me wrong, I know he's your dad and all. Part of being a family is taking care of everybody, regardless of the circumstances. However, I don't think it's your responsibility to kiss somebody's ass and bend over backwards to help them just because their too pathetic to do themselves. Your dad has to want to help himself first. He first has to admit to himself that he has a problem and that he needs to get help. You can continue to harp on him about this, but all you're doing is yelling at a brick wall. And if he's feeling sorry for himself, he's probably expecting you to continue to care, show him attention, etc. So all you're doing is giving him what he wants.

I'm sure it's a lot easier to say this shit than it is to do it, but a little bit of logic never hurt anybody. You've done your part for now, the rest is up to him. And if he doesn't fall through, then he pays for it. You shouldn't have to be responsible for the stupid decisions he makes. At least, that's how I feel about all of this atm.

6/2/2008 3:51:49 AM

it sucks when they die, i'd do something if i could

6/2/2008 4:05:24 AM

Fuck it, I'll just get drunk and watch this over and over:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LcT7u7abiZ4

6/2/2008 5:15:43 AM

so whats the problem? seriously i at least want to know so i dont potentially say something dumb later

6/2/2008 5:19:15 AM

Take pics of him face down on the floor after he's pissed himself and show them to him when he's sober.

6/2/2008 7:10:28 AM

Quote :

"Fuck it, I'll just get drunk and watch this over and over:"

if this is a serious (read: "if your dad is close to kicking it") problem, then you really should take as much control away from him as possible. even if you just go speak to his primary doctor or one of the nurses, or go to the ER and see someone and explain. they have to stabilize your father medically (not sure about mentally), but he sounds medically unstable. and i know from first hand experience that sick people dont always say what they mean, or mean what they say.

6/2/2008 7:38:32 AM