http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

Quote :

"Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story."

4/24/2009 2:41:17 PM

Quote :

"(217): I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello."

4/24/2009 2:43:13 PM

Quote :

"(619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me"

4/24/2009 2:45:14 PM

Quote :

"(917): I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike (1-917): this is mike. we're done."

4/24/2009 2:47:23 PM

Quote :

"(443): sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends (336): I know, I was there."

NC what what

4/24/2009 2:47:28 PM

Quote :

"(703): How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time. Labels: (703) bubble Replies (0) "

4/24/2009 2:47:47 PM

Quote :

"(314): Someone's got a whale tail (1-314): A thong is hangin out? (314): No, a fatty following them"

4/24/2009 2:49:56 PM

Quote :

"(650): i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf"

Quote :

"(818): he got wood on it! (408): i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals. (818): ...i was talking about hockey"

Quote :

"(269): did you hook up austin? (248): No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed"

[Edited on April 24, 2009 at 2:52 PM. Reason : adsf]

4/24/2009 2:50:37 PM

Quote :

"(636): I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes"

4/24/2009 2:52:38 PM

Quote :

"(515): Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card? (847): Beat you to it."

lulz

[Edited on April 24, 2009 at 2:54 PM. Reason : lulz]

4/24/2009 2:53:21 PM

Quote :

"(206): It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts."

Quote :

"(773): When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate" (312): Prob not but she was surprised"

Quote :

"(813): I can't find my pants or my car (813): I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell... (561): ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal."

between this and fmylife, I'm never gonna get any work done now


[Edited on April 24, 2009 at 2:59 PM. Reason : ]

4/24/2009 2:55:41 PM

i like these better than fml's, but imagine they are just as fake.

4/24/2009 2:59:17 PM

Quote :

"(440): I love you (720): are you drunk (440): yes but I def love you, we should get married (720): But I'm Jewish (440): embrace Jesus"

4/24/2009 3:00:45 PM

Quote :

"(310): Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?"

4/24/2009 3:00:53 PM

Quote :

"(360): I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock"

4/24/2009 3:03:14 PM

Quote :

"(773): I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch."

Quote :

"(586): I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep"

Quote :

"(209): Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night"

Quote :

"(609): He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL."

4/24/2009 3:05:42 PM

Quote :

"(949): youre so sexy i want your bod (410): dude, did you turn gay? (949): heather? (410): this is jacob"

4/24/2009 3:09:30 PM

Quote :

"(317): So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself? Labels: (317)"

4/24/2009 3:10:31 PM

Quote :

"(310): If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels."

4/24/2009 3:10:51 PM

Quote :

"(240): she was so not down for the gang bang"

Quote :

"(650): PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar? (773): No - puma."

[Edited on April 24, 2009 at 3:14 PM. Reason : ]

4/24/2009 3:11:06 PM

Quote :

"(704): Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom... Labels: (704)"

4/24/2009 3:16:28 PM

Quote :

"(669): I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation."

4/24/2009 3:18:51 PM

hahaha

4/24/2009 3:22:27 PM

i think we've all been there.

4/24/2009 3:23:26 PM

Quote :

"(260): So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes (1-260): Are your eyes okay (260): I mean if I was Asian they would be"

Quote :

"(586): White guys get excited about tits (586): I've always analogized fake boobs to dinosaurs in jurrasic park (586): Meaning I know they're not real but they still make me happy (586): But guys misperceive them as a girl being easy (586): I mean if I spent $5000 on my dick I'd wanna get the return on my investment"

[Edited on April 24, 2009 at 3:33 PM. Reason : ]

4/24/2009 3:32:48 PM

Quote :

"(919): What are we going to do tonight? (704): What we try to do every night. Take over the world"

We have a winner.

4/24/2009 3:54:57 PM

Quote :

"(619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me"

haaaaaaaaaaaaa a+

4/24/2009 4:03:42 PM

Quote :

"(949) we heard my roommate masturbating on his squeaky desk chair btwn typing on his comp (949) it went like eeky eeky eeky type type type eeky eeky (949) later we tested it by bouncing up and down on desk chair - eeky eeky"

4/24/2009 4:06:12 PM

Wait, bouncing up and down on the chair?

So wait was he jerking it furiously or bouncing up and down on something that was up his ass?

This is another one of those productivity killing sites like fmylife.com or notalwaysright.com.

Also ^^ is still my current favorite.

4/24/2009 4:10:37 PM

they bounced up and down while having sex on his chair.

someone doesnt get laid much.

[Edited on April 24, 2009 at 4:16 PM. Reason : f]

4/24/2009 4:15:41 PM

i don't want to bounce on someone's spank chair

4/24/2009 4:19:33 PM

youve slept in a hotel/motel bed before havent you?

4/24/2009 4:20:44 PM

^^^^ haha

^^^ HAHAHA

[Edited on April 24, 2009 at 4:22 PM. Reason : .]

4/24/2009 4:22:09 PM

^^ Nah, I don't care what they did to test the chair, I'm saying if they only reproduced the squeak by bouncing on it then HE was masturbating by bouncing on it. Put 2 and 2 together.

Also:

Quote :

"(958): Ok I think I'm on a date with a hooker from Louisiana (303): go home (985): But it's funny"

[Edited on April 24, 2009 at 4:42 PM. Reason : ]

4/24/2009 4:42:20 PM

Quote :

"(610): please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am."

last year about this time, just outside of London, i sent nearly the same text. a mornings worth of laser doodoo, a vomit, and a long train ride later i was where i needed to be

4/24/2009 4:43:33 PM

Quote :

"It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts."

HA. Ive sent this text before

4/24/2009 5:52:46 PM

Quote :

"(620): Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night. (1-620): No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man."

4/24/2009 6:12:33 PM

Quote :

"(570): I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet."

4/24/2009 7:16:55 PM

^ haha wtf

4/24/2009 7:33:40 PM

Quote :

"(650): oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'"

Quote :

"(214): your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything. (1-214): we're not divorced."

Quote :

"(214): you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota"

4/24/2009 8:31:41 PM

Quote :

""(704): Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom... Labels: (704)""

lawls fo da seven-o-fo

4/24/2009 8:36:00 PM

Quote :

"(312): I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr (269): Wat??? (312): U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender"

4/24/2009 8:36:38 PM

Quote :

"(214): your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything. (1-214): we're not divorced."

LoL @ Dallas

4/24/2009 8:37:39 PM

Quote :

"(781): I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks"

lol one of my favs

4/24/2009 8:41:11 PM

Quote :

"(914): ? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum? (773): jesus mom"

4/24/2009 8:46:56 PM

Quote :

"(202): if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate"

4/24/2009 9:20:35 PM

Quote :

"(248): I fell asleep on the toilet again last night... "

Quote :

"(303): Have you learned any life lessons? (406): I like big butts and I cannot lie."

Quote :

" (202): yo i have your phone (202):... oh so you probably won't get this message"

Quote :

"(201): i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf? (914): please be gone before i get back"

[Edited on April 24, 2009 at 10:19 PM. Reason : .]

4/24/2009 10:16:22 PM

from my phone:

Quote :

"(704) dude, you've been a real jerk lately (919) Sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney"

4/25/2009 1:00:04 AM

Quote :

"(901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money (813): sounds like you understand them just fine"

4/25/2009 11:14:41 AM

Quote :

"(919): set em up"

4/25/2009 11:53:55 AM