haha: http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=54

8/5/2009 2:00:32 PM

good site, i've been perusing it for a few months now

8/5/2009 2:03:19 PM

Some of these are pretty funny...

8/5/2009 2:09:45 PM

Meh, most of them seem like the responders to the initial ads are fake. Like:

Ad person: I need a job for the summer.

Asshole: I have a job for you that would be perfect.

Ad person: where do I go?

Asshole: Fly to Russia where you'll sing "Oh, Canada!" to naked Japanese midgets for 50 dollar bucks a month.

Ad person: I'm not going to do that fuck off.

And so on....

8/5/2009 2:13:43 PM

the top rated seem pretty believable

if you did this all the time and only posted the ones that actually went anywhere, i'm sure you could pull out a couple of good ones

8/5/2009 2:15:39 PM

Quote :

"Meh, most of them seem like the responders to the initial ads are fake."

yes, that's the point.

Quote :

"What is this? This is a collection of e-mails I have sent to people who post classified ads. My goal is to mess with them, confuse them, and/or piss them off. "

8/5/2009 2:16:34 PM

Quote :

" Original ad: I am a 18 year old looking for a summer job. it is hard for me to find work and I just want a job so I can afford a car for college next summer. I can clean, babysit, answer phones, pretty much whatever as long as it pays!! From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org Hey, I saw your ad looking for work and I think I have a job for you! I am looking for an assistant on my farm for the summer. It will involve working outdoors. Let me know if you are interested. Mike From Stephanie ******* to Me Hi Mike! I am interested in your job! I love animals and used to ride horses so a farm would be great! what kind of work would I be doing, and where is your farm located? it needs to be close to ******** so my parents can drop me off and pick meup From Mike Anderson to Stephanie ********* Stephanie, It is very close to **********. I'm glad to hear you are familiar with horses, because you will be primarily working with horses. My farm gets all the old horses that other farms don't need anymore, and they are starting to take up a lot of room in my stable, which I want to turn into a garage for my new truck. Therefore, the horses need to go. As my assistant, you will be in charge of killing the horses and dumping them in the lake behind my farm. I used to have a captive bolt pistol (cattle gun) that I used to put them down, but it broke when I tried to use it to tap a keg. You'll probably have to use my 12-gauge shotgun to put them down. Sometimes they don't die right away when you shoot them, and will start freaking out. You just have to stay calm and keep shooting. Don't worry, I'll show you how to use the shotgun if you aren't familiar with one. You then need to use my chainsaw to cut the horses into smaller parts that you can carry down to the lake. It can get a little messy, so I suggest wearing some clothes that you don't care about, or some clothes that the horse blood would compliment. The lake isn't mine, it is my neighbor's. He gets kind of angry when he sees me dumping dead horses in his lake, so you have to make sure he isn't around when you do it. I have some cinderblocks you can use to weigh the horses down so he won't see them. I have a lot of horses, and each horse takes about an hour and a half to dispose of, so you should have plenty of work. The job will pay $15 an hour. When can you start? Mike From Stephanie ******* to Me omg that is HORRIBLE! That is truely awful and sick!! Why cant you just give the poor horses away? sorry but I am not helping you slaughter horses!!! From Mike Anderson to Stephanie ********* Stephanie, I'm sorry if you are a bit surprised, but this is how farms work. You can't give away old horses, you have to kill them. I thought about it, and if you don't want to use the chainsaw to cut up the horses, you can just use my truck to drag them down to the lake. Do you have your license or permit? If not, this could be good driving practice for you. You don't want to pass up on this great job opportunity. Mike From Stephanie ******* to Me No that is not how farms work you are just SICK! I am NOT interested From Mike Anderson to Stephanie ********* Stephanie you are going to regret this some day when you try to get a real job. I think this would look great on your resume. "

8/5/2009 2:20:59 PM

^Lulz, that was the last one I read. I was expecting hate mail type stuff.

8/5/2009 2:39:17 PM

i just got crazy looks from this side of the office for almost spitting saltine crackers out of my nose when i read that

8/5/2009 2:45:01 PM

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=47

best one yet. im dying here.

8/5/2009 2:46:04 PM

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=51

In tears, I definitely need to duck out of the office early today before someone realizes what's up.

8/5/2009 2:51:31 PM

^ that one was pretty good.

8/5/2009 2:51:49 PM

This has to be my favorite line from ^^

Quote :

"That is my phone number. You can get a number with less digits for a small monthly fee, which I am paying for."

8/5/2009 2:54:17 PM

Quote :

"Original ad: I need the help of a drywall expert to repair a large hole in our hallway wall. The hole is about three feet wide. You will need to bring all materials needed, but I will cover the cost. I can send pictures of the hole if requested. Please respond with availability and a reasonable rate. From Me to *************@*********.org Hey, I saw your ad and will be able to help you out. The best thing to do for dry wall holes is to tape over the entire hole with strips of duct tape, and then paint over the duct tape. If you have wallpaper, I could just put wallpaper over the hole. That would be even easier. After the repair, nobody should lean up on the wall or it will probably tear again. I suggest hanging a picture over the hole. I have some old framed pictures of Bon Jovi that I could bring and install over the hole. I am available all week, and my rate is $25/hr. When can I stop by? -Dan"

hahahaha

8/5/2009 2:58:04 PM

pretty sure this is old.

Or maybe for the first time in the history of the internet, one of the other forums i look at beat TWW to something.

8/5/2009 3:00:19 PM

it says when they're posted, it's not super new. i've never seen it before though, although i recognize the "call richard and ask for mike" or whatever.

and LOL http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=48

8/5/2009 3:03:25 PM

^^Right, 4chan actually gets their memes from ChitChat and our user base rivals SA.

However, I've sent this link to a couple of people and they appear to already know about it.

[Edited on August 5, 2009 at 3:03 PM. Reason : ]

8/5/2009 3:03:29 PM

am I the only one who thinks these aren't funny?

8/5/2009 3:03:38 PM

Quote :

"a little about myself: i love taking care of dogs and shit"

8/5/2009 3:05:37 PM

I, too, only find these mildly amusing, begonias. Worth a chuckle under my breath at best.

8/5/2009 3:06:10 PM

hahaha, I've never seen this

this stuff is great! 10/10

8/5/2009 3:06:26 PM

i think these would be funnier if the people went along with it...

8/5/2009 3:07:06 PM

I don't think they're funny either, this one was suggested and it's not bad, I lol'd

Quote :

"Apologetic Nationals Fan Posted at: 2009-06-30 10:20:10 Original ad: I am trying to get 2 tickets to the Nationals vs. Red Sox on Thursday, June 25th. I'm willing to pay up to $40. From Mike Partlow to **********@**********.org Hello, I do not have tickets to the Nationals, but I do have a video tape of my 7-year-old's little league team game last week. He plays for the Arby's Allstars, and they beat the Smith Hardware Little Leaguers. I am sure it will be way more entertaining than watching the Nationals get their ass whooped for the 49th time this season. From austin ******* to Me Fuck yourself, asshole. From Mike Partlow to austin ******* Austin, my 7-year-old son was on the computer and he read your very offensive e-mail. Now he is going around telling everyone to "fuck themselves." Me and my wife tried to raise him to be a kid who doesn't curse, but thanks to your profanity, he thinks it is okay. I demand an apology from you. From austin ******* to Me You want my apology? Go fuck yourself. From Mike Partlow to austin ******* I did have the tickets; I was just messing around with you. They were good seats - 10 rows back from third base. I was going to sell them both for $30. I would rather burn them, however, if you don't apologize. If you do apologize, the tickets will be yours. From Mike Partlow to austin ******* I'm waiting... From austin ******* to Me I'm sorry about your kid. From Mike Partlow to austin ******* Hah, what a sucker. I made you look like little bitch in front of my 7-year-old son. I don't actually have any tickets. Thanks for helping me teach my son a lesson about how not to keep your dignity. Mike"

8/5/2009 3:08:17 PM

maybe i'm just in that kind of a mood today, i think they're hilarious.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=32

[Edited on August 5, 2009 at 3:09 PM. Reason : ]

8/5/2009 3:08:41 PM

Quote :

"Somehow this woman knew exactly what I was trying to do. Original ad: litter of 5 kittens. two orange, two black, one mixed-grey. all are three weeks old and looking for a good home! From Yin Chang to *********@***********.org hello i buy all kitten you have. how much? - yin chang From ************@hotmail.com to Me Sorry. These kittens are not being sold for food."

LOL. i may have to stop reading these in the office.

8/5/2009 3:10:36 PM

Quote :

" Original ad: PARROT WANTED I am looking for a parrot for my two children. I used to have a parrot and loved her and would love to see my kids have one. Really any kind of parrot will do. I have a vet that can check it out - please email me if you have a parrot you don't want! Thanks! From Me to **************@*********.org Hi there! I have an African Grey parrot that my wife and I do not want anymore. It would be great for your kids! Let me know if you want him. Mike From Sandra ********* to Me Mike - tell me about your parrot! How old is he? Do you have any pictures of him? Why do you want to get rid of him? From Me to Sandra *********** Sandra, My parrot is 2 years old. I don't have any pictures, but he looks like a typical parrot. We are getting rid of him because my wife does not like him. My wife and I argue a lot, and the parrot seems to have picked up some of the things I have said and just shouts them at my wife when she walks by. I think the final straw was when the parrot called her a "stupid fat twat." She takes it personally, even though I tell her that she shouldn't be self-conscious just because a parrot thinks she is fat. Now I will admit that I trained it to say "nice cellulite, bitch" whenever my wife walks by, but the parrot pretty much just curses at everyone now. Whenever I walk in the door, it calls me a "cocksucking grundle licker." It kind of gets annoying when it is the first thing I hear after working all day. Also, I let my friend watch the parrot for a week when I was on vacation, and ever since then, the parrot sings "The Final Countdown" by Europe every night at 4 in the morning. It often wakes me up and I am tired of it. I don't even like that song. The parrot also has an issue with defecating in its cage. It will wait until I let it out, and then immediately fly over to the kitchen and shit on my food. If I don't let him out, he starts yelling "I have to shit!" until I let him out. It can go on for hours. My wife pretty much told me either the parrot goes, or she will leave me. So I have no choice but to get rid of him. His name is Sam. I think he will be great for your kids, as long as they aren't fat and won't take the insults he yells at them personally. I can set up a time for you to come check him out this week if you want. What day works for you? Mike From Sandra ********* to Me Mike, I don't think that parrot would be appropriate for my kids - they are only five and seven years old. From Me to Sandra *********** Sandra, I think he would be great for your kids. I didn't mean to scare you off with the bad description of the parrot. He really is a nice parrot. There is a way to prevent him from shouting obscenities. I found that if I soak his food in drain cleaner and then give it to him, it burns up his throat and he doesn't talk for a few days. I can include a bottle of Draino and a few bags of bird food with him, if you want. Mike From Sandra ********* to Me Are you serious? That can kill him!! He sounds like he was a nice parrot but you have no idea how to take care of him! Give him to the SPCA! From Me to Sandra *********** Excuse me? I know how to take care of a parrot. It sounds like you don't know how to take care of your kids if you are always turning down free, lovable pets for them. THAT can kill their spirits. Why even put an ad up if you aren't willing to be reasonable? Sorry this parrot isn't perfect. You can't expect people to give you Toucan fucking Sam for free. I can't take him to the SPCA. They told me never to come back after I tried to give them a bunch of rats that my rat trap caught but didn't kill. If you don't take my parrot, I'm afraid my only option is to release him into my backyard, and then shoot him with my shotgun for sport. From Sandra ********* to Me You are a f*cking lunatic. From Me to Sandra *********** Sandra please take my parrot. I just checked and I don't have any more birdshot shells for my gun. Please don't make me have to drive all the way to Delaware to get more. "

[Edited on August 5, 2009 at 3:27 PM. Reason : sry, first was repost]

8/5/2009 3:20:47 PM

simonn already posted an excerpt, but the whole thing is fucking funny
http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=57

10/10 tons of laughs

8/5/2009 3:27:08 PM

Quote :

"Right, 4chan actually gets their memes from ChitChat and our user base rivals SA"

I wouldn't call 4chan a forum...

8/5/2009 3:28:15 PM

Quote :

" Hummer Rideshare Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:55:11 Original ad: looking for a ride from wilmington to manhattan next wednesday, any time during the day is good. I will pay for all of your gas as compensation. From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org Hello, I am driving to NYC for a business meeting around 10 AM on Wednesday and would be able to give you a ride. Let me know if you still need one. Mike From Chris ******* to Me mike, that sounds great. where do you want to meet to pick me up? i can meet you anywhere in wilmington. also, how much do you want for gas? chris Mike Anderson to Chris ******* Chris, I shouldn't need too much money for gas. I drive a Hummer H2 with a swapped motor, so gas really isn't a problem. It gets about 4 MPG highway and only takes premium, so I'd say about $100 should cover it. Mike From Chris ******* to Me what do you mean gas isnt a problem? 4 mpg is ridiculous. I was expecting to pay like 20 or 30 bucks tops! sorry but I'll have to pass Mike Anderson to Chris ******** If you only want to pay 30 bucks, that can get you as far as Exit 7 on the Jersey Turnpike. I can drop you off there, and you can hitchhike the rest of the way. I'm pretty sure hitchhiking is still legal in NJ so it shouldn't be a problem for you. I can pick you up on Naaman's Road in Wilmington by the Target shopping center around 9:30. From Chris ******* to Me are you serious? no I dont want to be dropped off in the middle of the turnpike. forget it Mike Anderson to Chris ******** Okay, I can give you a ride to Manhattan for $30, but in return, we need to stop at this guy's house in New Brunswick to get some money that he owes me. He's been dodging my calls, so he probably won't be too willing to give the money when we show up at his house. I need you to stand there and look intimidating so he realizes we mean business. How big are you? You should be at least 5'11 and 200 lbs. You can bring a big friend if you are scrawny, but you should ask him to throw up some gas money too. From Chris ******* to Me what the fuck is wrong with you? you sound like a drug dealer. i dont want to ride to manhattan with you Mike Anderson to Chris ******** Chris, I'm sorry that you have turned down my ride. I think you should change your ad on ********** to avoid any further confusion. I re-wrote it for you so all you have to do is click "edit" and then paste this where the original ad is: "scrawny man, not capable of intimidating people, looking for a ride from wilmington to new york. not willing to be reasonable in compensation for gas. will most likely complain about stupid stuff the whole ride up" From Chris ******* to Me fuck off asshole"

8/5/2009 3:39:39 PM

Quote :

"Original ad: i need a ride from philly to bonnaroo in manchester, TN! i will throw up some cash for gas. i dont have that much stuff either. i am a down ass chick and will be fun to ride with! From Mike Anderson to ************@***********.org Hey! I'm taking my truck down to Bonnaroo and should have an extra seat. I'm planning on leaving Wednesday afternoon. Does this work for you? From Katie ******* to Me yes that is fine! thank you! where do you live? i can meet you somewhere if it is easier for you. From Mike Anderson to Katie ******** I live in West Philadelphia, born and raised. I can meet you anywhere you want. So far it is me, you, my friend Josh and his friends Steve and Rob. It should be a fun ride! From Katie ******* to Me great! how big is your truck? i may have a lot of stuff. From Mike Anderson to Katie ******** My truck is pretty big. It is a Mazda Miata and it can hold around 3 people. You will probably have to sit on Steve's lap. He's fat though, so it will be somewhat comfortable to sit on. Are you attractive? My only concern is that Steve may get turned on when you are sitting on his lap. If this is an issue, you can sit on Josh's lap because he is gay. The only problem with that is that if you are fat, you may crush him because he is a small dude. But if you are fat you can probably just sit on Steve's lap without him getting aroused. From Katie ******* to Me what?! how the hell are you going to fit 5 people in a miata? that isnt a truck! i dont want to sit on anyones lap. From Mike Anderson to Katie ******** Oh, I get it. You are one of those Ford fanboys that likes to hate on Miatas. That's okay, I'm not too adamant about Mazdas. If you don't want to sit on Steve or Josh's lap, you can sit on mine, since I have a girlfriend and won't try anything. You will have to drive since my legs will be stuck, though. That's probably better, anyway, since my license is revoked until 2012, and I have a few warrants. Do you know how to drive stick? If you don't, I can teach you. You can pick it up in like five minutes. From Katie ******* to Me no im not driving are you fucking kidding me? this sounds like a horrible ride. ill find another ride thanks but no thanks. i still dont get how you are going to cram 4 dudes into a miata. From Mike Anderson to Katie ******** Do you have a car? You can just follow us down there in your car if you want more room. I take the long way, however, since if I get pulled over in Kentucky or Virginia I will probably go to jail. We are going around, through Missouri. Missouri is really nice though! From Katie ******* to Me IF I HAD A CAR I WOULDNT NEED A FUCKING RIDE THIS IS RIDICULOUS IM DONE TALKING TO YOU "

My truck is pretty big. It is a Mazda Miata and it can hold around 3 people. lol

8/5/2009 3:42:56 PM

10/16/2009 11:12:17 AM

cool i forgot about this

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

10/16/2009 11:15:24 AM

lol @ this site

10/22/2009 4:21:50 PM

Quote :

"Surrogate Father Posted at: 2009-10-20 12:39:28 | 83 comments | Add Comment This was in response to an ad looking for surrogate mothers. The ad is long and boring, so I'll sum it up: they pretty much pay healthy women a lot of money to carry another couple's baby. From Me to ************@***********.org: Hello, I saw your ad looking for surrogate mothers, and was wondering if you had any openings for a surrogate father. I am willing to sacrifice my body for families who cannot have a child. I would get the sperm intended for the surrogate mother inserted into my balls, and then impregnate the surrogate mother through passoniate intercourse, to assure that the baby is conceived in a more natural environment. Nobody wants a freak petri dish baby as their child. I saw that compensation was $25,000 for the mother. Since I am doing all of the hard work, however, I am asking for $50,000 as compensation. Also, the surrogate mother must fit the following criteria: - 18 to 24 years old - Brunette or Blonde (no redheads) - Not too short, but not taller than me because that is just weird - Breast size of C cup or larger - Not fat - She must shave "down there" - STD free (although chlamydia is okay because I already have that) I look forward to hearing from you. If possible, please send a list of potential surrogate mothers for me to knock up, and include pictures. I will get back to you with who I want to impregnate first. Thanks, Mike From Mary ********* to Me: Mike, There is no "surrogate father" program. Sorry. Mary ********* From Me to Mary *********: Mary, Surely there are some fathers who would want this. Just ask your clients if they would be interested in my services. I am sure you will get a positive response. I forgot to mention that any potential surrogate mothers you have for me must be willing to do anal. Thanks, Mike From Mary ********* to Me: What is wrong with you? Let me be very clear: there will never be a surrogate father program. One can't simply get another's sperm placed in their "balls." Frankly, your demands are disgusting and you are making a mockery of our program. Do not contact me again. From Me to Mary *********: Oh, come on. What demands were disgusting? The anal sex? Studies show that women are 75% more likely to get pregnant if they take it in the ass first. Believe me, this is not about the sex for me. I just want to help our country's most precious resource: our children. They are our future, you know. You hate children, don't you? By refusing my services, you may as well be working at an abortion clinic. Please reconsider, Mike "

10/22/2009 4:47:24 PM

ahahahahahahaha

I'm losing my shit over these.

10/23/2009 12:36:15 PM

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=50

hahahahaha this is a great one

10/23/2009 12:45:38 PM

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=51

shit this ones even better

ok i like this website

10/23/2009 12:47:44 PM

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=6

hahaha this is a good one

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=28

and another

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=24

and another

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=30

[Edited on October 23, 2009 at 1:08 PM. Reason : .]

10/23/2009 12:57:20 PM

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=64

10/23/2009 1:35:04 PM

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=68

10/23/2009 2:30:07 PM

Are you too good to put forth the effort to copy and paste?

10/23/2009 2:31:48 PM

these are great.. reminds me of the jerky boys

10/23/2009 2:33:39 PM

reminds me of prank calls

probably the greatest prank call of all time imo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s16eFSe1OFI

10/23/2009 2:35:23 PM