okay, so we all know we've done it at some point

you're out of shitpaper, and now you've got to improvise. what is the most egregious offense you've committed?

mine is coffee filters a poor decision, that was.

12/10/2009 4:42:43 PM

I've had to resort to baby wipes.

it ended up being a nearly life-changing event.

It's like wiping your ass with an angel's wing.

[Edited on December 10, 2009 at 4:44 PM. Reason : but alas, they are far too expensive to make a daily habit.]

12/10/2009 4:43:25 PM

When I'm sittin' on a toilet in a house that I don't know
Lookin' all around me where'd all the toilet paper go
Feelin' real uneasy, feelin' real uncertain
Cause I gotta wipe my ass again with a plastic shower curtain

12/10/2009 4:43:52 PM

Q-Tip

12/10/2009 4:44:33 PM

hot pocket sleeve

I'll check back later to see if I've been topped

12/10/2009 4:44:49 PM

*starts beatboxing*

12/10/2009 4:44:56 PM

Quote :

"It's like wiping your ass with an angel's wing."

for some reason i nearly choked at this. hahahahha

12/10/2009 4:45:03 PM

i've used leaves and whatever else i could find in the woods

12/10/2009 4:45:42 PM

Quote :

"hot pocket sleeve"

wow man that's fucking raw

12/10/2009 4:45:43 PM

spoon

12/10/2009 4:46:38 PM

12/10/2009 4:46:44 PM

HAND

12/10/2009 4:47:38 PM

i've heard tales of someone having to use packing foam

12/10/2009 4:48:39 PM

some feral kitten that was hanging out

12/10/2009 4:49:00 PM

the toilet paper roll

12/10/2009 4:49:11 PM

cat

12/10/2009 4:49:46 PM

a few pages out of an old Travel (glossy magazine print of course)

strips of the toilet paper roll itself, like nachos

a sponge (had to make it count)



i've heard stories of friends sacrificing their underwear for this


but i don't think i can top a hot pocket sleeve

12/10/2009 4:49:54 PM

haha, he doesnt know how to use the three sea shells

name that movie



also, socks or gauze from first aid kit

12/10/2009 4:50:52 PM

A washcloth.

At one of the grouphomes I was at, staff was too lazy to go to the store to buy toilet paper if we ran out. The owner went to Sam's every two weeks and made supply deliveries.

Thankfully, it was only for two days

I'd used way too many paper towels in public bathrooms

If I'm at home and realize the roll is out, I either hop straight into the shower or get a new roll. I never, ever, ever, ever, every let us run out of TP

12/10/2009 4:51:33 PM

Quote :

"strips of the toilet paper roll itself, like nachos"

awesome mental image


and socks are perfect when you're hiking or biking...works best when you move up and down in a flossing motion

12/10/2009 4:52:00 PM

people that use paper towels and flush them should be executed

a former roommate of mine couldn't be bothered to buy shitpaper, so he flushed like 4 rolls of brawny down the tube, leading to a gigantic flood downstairs at like 3am.

we had to have wake county come out and fucking demolish our downstairs bathroom

12/10/2009 4:53:21 PM

lol i forgot about the time i was surf fishing on core banks and shat in a scotch bonnet shell. that way you don't have to dig a hole and you can throw it in the water and it doesn't sit on the beach lol

12/10/2009 4:53:56 PM

how could you do that to our state shell

that must have been one cute little dump

12/10/2009 4:56:04 PM

I used a t-shirt once.

12/10/2009 4:57:30 PM

Quote :

"haha, he doesnt know how to use the three sea shells name that movie "

Demolition Man

Follow-up question for a bonus 50pts.

What does John Spartan use instead of the 3 shells?

12/10/2009 4:58:19 PM

the toilet brush

12/10/2009 5:05:40 PM

^^

he cusses several times and uses the citations that are automatically issued to him.

best scene in a dystopic movie ever

12/10/2009 5:18:24 PM

google tells me that it wasn't actually a scotch bonnet. it was a large one of these, whatever they are:

12/10/2009 5:21:28 PM

I still want to know how the 3 sea shells are supposed to be used. One of the greatest mysteries in all of cinema IMO.

12/10/2009 5:22:31 PM

if I'm at home I'll just stick my ass in the bathtub

12/10/2009 5:22:36 PM

i use the toilet paper roll, i unravel it and its pretty much you get one shot (before that i use the last bit of paper on the roll, aint never worth a shit)

sucks if u have a real oily shit, u can fold it in half and try to use the corner on the second wipe, but theres no flippin it over and usin the other side, and with a folder roll theres not enough room to get a good wipe since u have to hold it

secondly i use the old washrags, then its time to waddle to the next stall with your ass cheeks spread open, or if u are not in a community restroom u go get bible paper or the paper towel or somethin

ive never beeen one hundred percent stranded let me say that

12/10/2009 5:23:30 PM

Sandra Bullock is hot as fuck in that leather suit

12/10/2009 5:25:13 PM

nm.

[Edited on December 10, 2009 at 5:55 PM. Reason : .]

12/10/2009 5:53:11 PM

Nope. Demolition Man

12/10/2009 5:55:25 PM

Demolition Man

12/10/2009 5:56:14 PM

12/10/2009 5:57:52 PM

washcloth (then you wash it!). not with poop. you do not poop without toilet paper. you hold that shit until you get to work/school wherev. unless you're about to shower anyway then i guess it might be acceptable!

but i will say i have used coffee filters before

NOT at my house though

12/10/2009 7:06:07 PM

Quote :

"you do not poop without toilet paper."

sometimes your body doesn't really give you a choice

12/10/2009 7:07:44 PM

^ well that is true

in that case i'd jump immediately into the shower. if it is a normal poop (not like an "oh shit stomach exploding" poop) i try to save it up for somewhere else if i'm out of toilet paper

[Edited on December 10, 2009 at 7:08 PM. Reason : oops]

12/10/2009 7:08:42 PM

you don't always have a shower nearby either

[Edited on December 10, 2009 at 7:09 PM. Reason : i don't think it's clicking for you]

12/10/2009 7:09:23 PM

howcome people can't be like dogs and not have to wipe? is it because we evolved butt cheeks?

12/10/2009 7:09:45 PM

There have been a few times I've been speeding home to poop out an explosive shit and thought to myself "If a cop pulls me over I will for sure shit myself in my seat." I wonder if they would let you go without a ticket it this actually happened.

12/10/2009 7:11:19 PM

yall are nasty.

12/10/2009 7:11:47 PM

Quote :

"lol i forgot about the time i was surf fishing on core banks and shat in a scotch bonnet shell. that way you don't have to dig a hole and you can throw it in the water and it doesn't sit on the beach lol"

LOL....if you did this with a straight face I'd be amazed



[Edited on December 10, 2009 at 7:16 PM. Reason : f]

12/10/2009 7:14:59 PM

i took a dump in the ocean once

12/10/2009 7:19:51 PM

Quote :

"you don't always have a shower nearby either"

well i've never been in that situation luckily!

i've always at least had toilet paper or a water source to rinse off in

what did you have like diarrhea in the middle of the desert or something?

12/10/2009 7:20:25 PM

^^^^^Cops have no compassion or empathy whatsoever. Not only would he give you the ticket, he'd probably take pics on his iphone to show his cop buddies in the locker room how funny his day was.

[Edited on December 10, 2009 at 7:22 PM. Reason : s]

12/10/2009 7:21:51 PM

what if i had period blood running down my leg and i was racing home to get a tampon?

would he let me go then?

12/10/2009 7:22:41 PM

I would have never thought up that situation i just don't know.

12/10/2009 7:24:39 PM

Quote :

"the toilet paper roll"

12/10/2009 7:26:49 PM