LOL WAT?!

Quote :

"Stupid mail truck. Samsonite could swear that it was stalking them. Every time they turned a corner in the car the mail truck was there. It was starting to get frightening. What could it possibly want? These questions raced through Samsonite’s mind as they drove to the hospital to visit their fatally ill great-grandfather. No, uncle for sure. But was it really? It must be his grandfather. No, no. Great-great-GREAT granduncle on his mother’s side. Anyways he was sick with chronic diarrhea. For some reason Samsonite thought that his life was just one giant poop joke. But his conscious was drifting off into other realms in which he did not wish to dabble in. His face was beginning to swell up. He must have an allergic reaction to something. But he wasn’t sure what said something was. He looked to the seat next to him. There were twenty gerbils milling around, eating each others droppings. Samsonite observed this phenomenon, but didn’t realize that he was probably allergic to the rodents. He gasped. In the rearview mirror he could see the mail truck. He stuck his head out the window and looked at it. It started to shift into a higher gear. "Uhh dad. The mail truck is on to us," Samsonite said to his dad who was driving the car. "Why is it that kids these days wear their pants down to their crotch?" his dad asked, oblivious to the predicament at hand. "Uhh…who cares right now? The mail truck is going to ram into us and our insurance rates will go sky high!" "Not with Allstate it won’t! Their insurance policies are so good that I could drive this car off a cliff and not pay a penny more! In fact, maybe I will, just to show you that I’m not as old as you think I am!" "Uhh no, you don’t have to do that! You’re not old. Now let’s leave while we still can!" He looked back, but the mail truck was nowhere to be found. "I think we lost it," said Samsonite. "We’re on a straightaway you know." "Yeah, whatever. Let’s just get to the hospital as quick as we can." "Don’t you whatever me homie!" "Can you stop trying to be hip?" "Do the kids still say hip?" "No." "Oh…Is it just not cool? Out of style? Why do the styles always have to change? I can’t keep up. So much do digest! It seemed like only yesterday all the "cool kids" were wearing their trousers…pants, whatever it is you crazy kids call them…up to their bellybuttons. And they were proud!" They turned a corner and the mail truck was waiting for them, growling like an animal (mail trucks do growl, they’re just very shy). "Whoa! It’s like that thing was waiting for us!" his dad said. He turned to Samsonite and made a stupid face, apparently trying to be cool. "What are you doing?" asked Samsonite. "I made a funny. It wasn’t funny was it? Darn, you guys grow up so fast. Lemme give you a hug." "Uhh no. This mail truck is going to smush us if we don’t get out of here NOW!" His dad made a face like he had just been slapped with a rubber chicken. He made a dumb frown and drove away. Meanwhile, the mail truck revved its engine and began to pursue them. Samsonite had a sudden impulse to reach under his seat. He found a nail gun with a scope. "Uhh…why is this here?" he asked his dad. "That…uhh…that’s not mine. It’s your mother’s." Samsonite shot the mail trucks two fronts tires, so it lost control and crashed into an unsuspecting wall of fungus. "That was a close one," Samsonite said. They pulled into the hospital parking lot five minutes later. "Now we have to be quick, because senior citizen visiting hour is in about half and hour," his dad said. So they went in to the hospital. The inside was basically white. Everything was white. Everything was so sterile and clean that fear began to sink in. As they approached the room where there great-great-great granduncle was, a doctor walked out and said, "Who are you and what do you want?" "Uhh…I…am here to see Bobby Reftgerwasdefigon," the dad said. "Could you spell that please?" said the doctor guy. "Uhh…R-e-f-t-g-e-r-w-a-s-d-e-f-i-g-o-n…I think." "That’ll do…wait…umm…did you say Reftgerwasdefigon?" "Uhh yeah." "Umm…we have no one by that name, dude." Samsonite’s dad looked at a nearby coffee cup that said "The Hospital". "Aww shucks. We must’ve gone to the wrong hospital. Well, pack up shop, son. We’re off to find the right hospital!" Just before he finished his sentence and old person jumped out of a closet and pulled him in. The doctor collapsed into the fetal position. "Run kid! It’s the senior citizen visiting hour!" Suddenly another old person jumped out from under a table and dragged him into a pit. All around Samsonite chaos was breaking loose. Old people were attacking younger people left and right. Samsonite started to run for the exit when and old person blocked the door and produced and cane with a sharp, pointed end. Samsonite ran the other way, only to witness someone have their face shoved into someone’s armpit. Samsonite had no choice but to go up the stairs to a higher level. Things on the next floor were a little calmer. There was less violence and more creepiness. Several old people milled about, not knowing where to go. After going up several more flights of stairs Samsonite decided that he should be safe for a while. The staircase opened up into an empty hallway with flickering lights. He looked around for a minute when he heard a soft squeaking. He turned around to see an old person in a wheelchair at the end of the hall. "Where are you going, whippersnapper?" said the old person. "Umm…I was trying to escape the clutches of the senior citizens," said Samsonite. "Oh…Senior Citizen Visiting Hour. Quite a deadly time. But it’s the only time we have to visit the hospital before tea time and then our naps, followed by tapioca pudding being forced into our gullets. You know, it’s hard being old…uhh…I really have nothing to add. You best get out of here before…oh…NO! Hlaghlyyyyyyyyy!" The old person morphed into a mongoose with wings and a huge bottle of hot sauce. "Sweeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmmlllooooooo!" it called to its fellow comrades. A horde of more old people joined it and began to charge Samsonite. Frantically he locked himself in one of the rooms. He searched around for something so it would give the scene drama, but couldn’t find anything useful. The old people began to bang on the door. Samsonite took a blanket off of the bed and jumped out the window. He landed on a farm somewhere in Oklahoma. A mad dude with a huge Adam’s Apple ran up to him and beat him with a frozen cabbage. Samsonite dropped to the ground and the mad dude left. Samsonite began to sweat so much that the vegetable seeds beneath him grew through his body. And that is how the first American settlers figured out how to fertilize their crops. THE END (seriously) "

no seriously. wat?

12/19/2009 6:50:09 AM

I'll post in your thread.

12/19/2009 9:11:24 AM

words. should at least have had some boobs or cock or something.

12/19/2009 9:12:02 AM

Where in the hell did you find this at?

12/19/2009 9:46:38 AM

12/19/2009 10:22:06 AM

hahaha, my new background....

12/19/2009 1:48:59 PM

tl;dr

12/19/2009 2:22:51 PM

Quote :

"Where in the hell did you find this at?"

Here:

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/senior-citizen-visiting-hour.html

Enjoy another lol wat?

Quote :

"CRASH! I looked out my window to see an evil clown purloining my tricycle! I ran outside to try and stop him, but I slipped on a sumptuous-looking pie. I watched as he escaped with my only means of transportation. Later that day I saw a news story about an evil clown that covets tricycles and hijacks them. I was shocked, but then I knew what he was up to. So I decided to set up a ploy by my friend's house, who also owned a tricycle. I hid in the bush and waited for the clown. I hoped my stratagem would work on him. Even if it didn't work, I had a backup plan to barter with him to get my tricycle back. Suddenly I heard someone tapping on a window. I looked up to see the clown inside my friend's house, sassily sticking his tongue out at me. Then I realized that I hid in my friend's back yard! I rushed out front, but when I got there the window was broken and the tricycle was nowhere to be found! My plan was in vain. I should have tried something bigger than a mousetrap. Later that day the clown was reportedly still at large and still hijacking tricycles. He had to be stopped. But I needed someone to help me out. A benefactor of sorts. I decided that my friend would be the best person to help me stop this fiend. Besides, he's very savvy with undercover business. I'm not sure why, though. Our first stop on our investigation was Detective Hankleston's office. When we arrived the secretary was waiting for us. "Hello. How may I help you?" she asked. "Yes, we're here to see Detective Hankleston," I said. "I'm sorry, he's far to busy right now." I looked around the room. There were several pictures portraying tricycles. Suspicious. "Umm...your hair looks inviting!" the secretary blurted. "...If it's not to rude to ask...my lunch break is in a few minutes." Why was the secretary being so coquettish? Why were there pictures of tricycles? Why was Detective Hankleston tied up in the corner? Wait a minute... "You! You're the clown!" he said to the secretary. The detective jumped up and spit out the huge wad of gum he was chewing on. "Wow! It took long enough!" he said. The secretary grabbed her face and ripped it off to reveal the face of a clown. She...he...it...stood in a pugnacious stance, ready to attack. Suddenly the printer came alive and ate everyone. "

[Edited on December 20, 2009 at 1:56 AM. Reason : lol wat?]

12/20/2009 1:55:00 AM

I actually read that.

It managed to find 3 or 4 funny sentences throughout, and wasn't particularly bad... just random absurdity that too often strayed towards the "lol randum" brand of attempted humor that can be found throughout the internet.


Goddamn it, why do I always have to post like I'm a fucking critic? Oh well, no point deleting it all now.

[Edited on December 20, 2009 at 2:01 AM. Reason : I'm talking about the original post, not ^]

12/20/2009 2:01:00 AM

Quote :

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12/20/2009 2:39:53 AM

dorkasaures rex

12/20/2009 2:42:05 AM