Quote :

"Well another professor of life came through last night and bestowed some wisdom on me which I'll share. No matter how annoyed you are at being incarcerated dont slash open your scrotum and shove razor blades up your urethra. Now I know, who among us hasn't thought wistfully of doing that but it turns out that it's not a good idea."

This is shaping up to be a good read.
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985

1/4/2010 12:57:25 AM

k

1/4/2010 12:57:46 AM

Quote :

"The Law of Inverse Value: the less you contribute to society, the greater the trauma you can sustain with minimal to no physical sequelae"

1/4/2010 1:03:39 AM

Quote :

"When your 15yo daughter gives precipitous delivery to a bleating, underweight infant 30 minutes after presenting to triage c "gas pains", you should run around the department loudly yelling, "I don't know what y'all did or who that baby is, but my lil' girl warn't pregnant when she come in here""

1/4/2010 1:13:02 AM

Quote :

""The Law of Inverse Value: the less you contribute to society, the greater the trauma you can sustain with minimal to no physical sequelae""

Its sad how true this statement is

Quote :

"#5: Stay away from people named "Some Guy" or "This One Dude", because they for whatever reason, just punch someone in the face or hit them with a crowbar and run off. If I see them on the street, I cross the street to get away from them."

Quote :

"#6 Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will somehow, work its way up your rectum."

lmao



[Edited on January 4, 2010 at 1:18 AM. Reason : .]

1/4/2010 1:15:05 AM

Quote :

"After cutting your own throat with a box knife and missing all major vessels, it is a good idea to stand outside and have a smoke while awaiting the ambulance... the crew will likely get a good laugh out of watching the smoke pour out of your nearly-transected trachea"

1/4/2010 10:32:07 AM

Quote :

"african american pt (who needs surgery) tells me NPO really stands for "n*gger patient out" "

Quote :

"the painless chancre of primary syphilis, the cauliflower-like growths of HPV, the blisters of herpes, and the urethral discharge of gonorrhea/chlamydia can, indeed, all exist on a single penis. the owner of the above penis presented with a chief complaint of "cuts on my dick"...........hmmm"

[Edited on January 4, 2010 at 5:59 PM. Reason : sd]

[Edited on January 4, 2010 at 5:59 PM. Reason : to me it look like sex to me]

Quote :

" The broad base on the 12 inch dildo is meant to be the place to stop...not additional stimulation as you jam that part in your rectum as well. If you do this, and you're an active duty Marine, just go to the local Naval hopsital. If not, you'll explain the whole story to a civilain Doc, who will label you "non-emergent" and package you off to the Naval hospital anyway. Be sure to bring your wife along to share the humiliation since it was her exuberance that got you there in the first place. If you have a cauliflower like growth the size of a baseball obscuring your anus, and your an active duty Army Sargeant, just be quiet while we treat you...we won't ask, please don't tell. Driving to Hartford, CT from Boston to have your rectal FB removed will likely mean you won't see any of your friends...good plan. Also, thanks for bringing the matching bottle of conditioner to give a size estimate for the missing shampoo bottle. Note to other Docs...a Graves speculum will allow visualization but not adequate access for removal. Foley worked fine, though. Thanks for the thread, I haven't laughed this hard in awhile. DD"

[Edited on January 4, 2010 at 6:00 PM. Reason : ahahaha]

1/4/2010 5:58:14 PM

i just threw up a little

1/4/2010 5:59:38 PM