Quote :

"Danny:I knew this bloke once, right. And... he used to masturbate so much that he grew very fond of his hand. So much so, that he began to talk to it and he put a little face on it and he called it muriel. And after a while Muriel began to talk back to him. Milo: Fore! Danny: He would get her all doled up in make up and specially made little clothes and at night she'd go down and make intense mad passionate love to him. Anyway, one night about three am Milo: Cheers Danny: He wakes up in a cold sweat. And hears all this panting and moaning and groaning coming from the next door neighbours apartment. And he looks down at his hand, there's nothing there. Its gone. Its just this bloodied stump. So he staggers out into the hallway and he sees that the next door neighbour's doors is wide open. So he pops his head in and what does he see, on the bed, his hand, Muriel, all dressed up to the nines, make up on, going down on the next door neighbour. [pause] Danny: It's a true story Flip: Yeah, I heard tell once dudes that a guy has about 4,000 times in him before he's all used up. Milo: It's fucking bullshit. Danny: More like forty thousand. Otis: In your dreams, stick man. Danny: Add it up, two times a day, seven days a week for what... I don't know 40 years? Taylor: Two times a day? Otis: Who the fuck gets to do it two times a fucking day? Danny: Me and Jess used to. Otis: Two times a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year... Danny: Me and Jess used to do it five times a day. Taylor: For forty years? What about hangovers? What about christmas day? How the fuck are you going to do it five times on a Christmas Day while the family is sitting around carving up the turkey? Danny: Make up for it at night with the wife. Taylor: Wife? What wife? You haven't had a wife in over six months. Danny: I haven't got a problem getting women. I've got this thing I do that make them go gaga. Otis: How exactly do you mean gaga? Danny: Gaga. Insane, beserk, talking in tongues, you know... gaga. Milo: What like some sort of secret weapon? Flip: Some kind of weird sideways movement? Danny: I can't really say flip, but its pretty special. Though it could be worth a lot of money. Taylor: Let's just get this straight. You're 20-something years old, you have no job, no money, very few prospescts. You haven't been seen in the vicinity of anything which even faintly resembles a member of the opposite sex in over 6 months. And yet you sit here and tell us that you have some kind of special thing that makes the other side go gaga. Well if it makes them go so fucking gaga what the fuck are you doing here with us losers? Flip: He's got a point there Danster. Danny: Well I didn't say it fixed all the emotional stuff did I? "

God damn hilarity


For the dumb/wicked: He Died With a Felafel In His Hand (Movie/Book)



"can you think of a word that describes a man who doesn't want to have sex?...... Dead."

1/5/2010 3:58:44 PM

Quote :

"Reg, Reg, that reminds me. I was coachin' in Omaha in 1948 and Eddie Shore sends me this guy who was a terrible masturbator, you know, couldn't control himself. Why, he would get deliberate penalties so he could get over in the penalty box all by himself and damned if he wouldn't... you know... "

1/5/2010 4:00:04 PM

PM for Facebook Event Invite

It's GOING TO BE FUCKING AWESOME

1/5/2010 4:02:28 PM

"Cover me with extreme prejudice"


(is there a limit how many times you can post in your own thread?)

1/5/2010 4:06:23 PM

*People fucking*



That's got to hurt.




Noooooo, not the TV!!!!

1/5/2010 4:09:50 PM

bttt

1/5/2010 4:37:44 PM

bttt

1/6/2010 9:47:26 AM