YOU MUST NOW SIT DOWN FOR STORY TIME WITH UNCLE SaabTurbo.

4/27/2010 10:20:24 PM

gather 'round childrens

4/27/2010 10:20:43 PM

Basically Marcus and his SEAL team (4 people, including him) were on a mission to snag a Taliban dude in Afghanistan. This guy was in a camp with around 200 Taliban fighters, all heavily armed. While they were in an observation post watching the camp a goat herder compromised them (He just walked right up on them accidentally) and, rather than execute the herder and his 12-14 year old kid, they let them go. The herder took this act of kindness as an opportunity to kill Americans and notified the Taliban in the area. They were then ambushed by the entire enemy force. They were at 9000ft when they got ambushed and they got driven down to about 4000ft over an hour or so (They fell much of the way and got severely wounded), they were all also shot repeatedly while they were descending.

At one point Marcus was dragging his friend up to this ledge and he was going to jump off and take the brunt of the impact for his wounded buddy (They were on terrain that he characterized as similar to a double black diamond ski slope, but they had no choice other than to descend quickly). As he jumped off holding his friend, his friend got shot through the ear and it killed him instantly. The round that went through his friend's head and also hit Marcus in the neck as he fell. He kind of twisted around in mid air and landed directly on his face (On a large boulder) and broke his nose and bit off most of his tongue and swallowed it. From then on he could barely breathe because he had a smashed nose and he kept swallowing his tongue.

He was still fighting in this condition, but now with only two other people who were also wounded badly. They were getting mortared, hit with RPG's and sprayed with AK-47 fire from the front, left and right. They were killing tens of Taliban each though, even in this condition. Eventually one of the other SEALS had been shot 17 times or so and was laying up on a ridge but couldn't move. Marcus had already come off the ridge, but the other guy was still up there because the radio could get signal there. He got shot so much that he couldn't move though and Marcus couldn't get to him. At that point he started screaming Marcus' name. Marcus said it was horrific the way he was screaming his name and he can't get that out of his head to this day. Eventually that teammate stopped making noise and Marcus knew the Taliban had finished him off.

Then it was just Marcus and one last guy. It was just the 2 of them against probably 100 remaining Taliban, since each of the SEALS had probably killed like 30+ Taliban. So, by now the Taliban's numbers were down but it was still 100 against 2 and they were completely surrounded on all sides now, 360 degrees. At some point the only remaining guy besides Marcus actually sat down next to Marcus during the firefight and Marcus was like "Dude! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" His friend responded, "I can't see anymore... I got shot in the head man." I'll spare the details of what it apparently looked like (Actually, no I wont, his forehead was hanging off and his eyes were full of blood from where they had been essentially blasted out from the inside), but the dude was hit bad and had already been shot about 7 or 8 times in the body and limbs. Marcus told him to just "start walking and let gravity take over" (As in; descend) and that he would catch up. Right then an RPG hit right next to them and blew Marcus a good ways through the air and knocked him out.

He came to a while later and he was alone but his rifle was still with him. He said he was very disoriented but he knew what was happening because he could see all of the bullet holes in him and shrapnel wounds. He then proceeded to drag himself 7 miles in a semi-paralyzed state (Broken back, broken pelvis, shot in the neck and back, hundreds of shrapnel wounds from the RPG and mortars, smashed face, bit off tongue) and got spotted AGAIN by the Taliban. He had another firefight and actually won it on his own and was eventually rescued by local villagers. The Taliban found him though and interrogated him, tortured him and told him that they shot down the rescue helicopter that came to get him (16 people died on that helicopter) and that they beheaded everyone. The Taliban spoke good English, one had actually received an education at Florida State University ( ). Then they left and the next day came back to behead him. The villagers actually drug him out of the village and threw him in a cave to save his life. The Taliban executed a lot of villagers because of this, but they refused to divulge Marcus' location. They saved him at the cost of their family members lives.

He never gave up in all of that and those villagers never gave up either. My point is that shit can get really nasty and if he didn't give up or feel sorry for himself, then you shouldn't now son, because you aren't in anything near as shitty son.

4/27/2010 10:21:10 PM

Uncle Saab, will you read us a bedtime story?

[Edited on April 27, 2010 at 10:21 PM. Reason : oh damn, that was quick]

4/27/2010 10:21:23 PM

YOU READ STORY NOW CHILDREN.

AND HAVE SWEET, BEAUTIFUL DREAMS.

4/27/2010 10:22:41 PM

there will be no sitting on uncle SaabTurbo's lap playing with sock puppets coming from your pants.

4/27/2010 10:24:20 PM

That was a really morbid story. I think I might go have nightmares.

4/27/2010 10:25:38 PM

That was a helluva story.

Would read again.

4/27/2010 10:29:30 PM

^^ Naw, srs?

I thought it was inspiring son. The man never quit son. He never quit son.

I had to edit it too cause I forgot to mention that one of the Taliban received his education at Florida State University. Apparently the US educated him, but still deserves to die.

4/27/2010 10:29:42 PM

I don't do well with graphic descriptions of bodily harm. The tongue thing was what got me.

4/27/2010 10:30:53 PM

Yeah, well it's a fear we all have son.

Biting of the tongue is not an acceptable thing for the most part.

4/27/2010 10:37:10 PM

Or anything to do with eyeballs.

4/27/2010 10:38:56 PM

Oh, you've never dissected an eyeball?

4/27/2010 10:39:18 PM

"Once upon a time deep, deep in the jungle there was a little engine that could and he was chuggin' his way across the enemy line.

chugga chugga chugga chugga, chugga chugga chugga chugga, toot toot

This little engine's mission was to take some AK-47's and a nuclear payload over the mountain to the 20-63 battalion, needless to say there was plenty opposition.
You think that stopped the Little Engine That Could? No-sir-e-Bob, He just kept chuggin’ along…

chugga chugga chugga chugga, chugga chugga chugga chugga, toot toot

Not even when they climbed aboard the train and popped out the eyes of the conductor. And blood and snot was drippin’ out his eye sockets.
You think that stopped the Little Engine That Could? Damn skippy he just kept chuggin' along.

chugga chugga chugga chugga, chugga chugga chugga chugga, toot toot

It wasn’t till Charlie rigged the bridge with plastic explosives. Just as the Little Engine was making his way across the trestle:

BOOM!

Explosion happened! Blood and guts and spit and ass was everywhere

And Bubba come crawling out the back door, both legs missing...
Lula May’s Baby Boy
And he looked up at me, he said

'Payne, I can't feel my legs...'

and I said 'Bubba, they ain't there'

And I looked down and them little bloody nubs was kicking real fast like this here.
And I said, “Bubba, It’s thirty miles to the nearest town, unless you can flip upside down and walk on your hands, you ain't gonna make it.

All of a sudden Charlie was all over the place,
just me and my sidearm.
I had no other alternative but to blast my way out:

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

DIE PIG DIE!
YOU’LL NEVER TAKE MAJOR BENSON WINIFRED PAYNE ALIVE!
BAM! I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO MY FRIEND! BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!"

4/27/2010 10:43:59 PM

for some reason uncle saabturbo sounds really dirty.

i don't think i like it

it doesn't fit you

and your neckwear

4/27/2010 10:47:47 PM

It doesn't suit my hotness son.

I understand.

4/27/2010 10:48:49 PM

i could get into this if it was a recording. that's the way crazy stories should be told. can't read that kind of stuff right.

4/27/2010 10:53:28 PM

Wish granted son.

Lone Survivor - Marcus Luttrell from NEXTstepFILMS on Vimeo.

4/27/2010 11:01:04 PM

i should wish for stuff in saab's threads more often...

4/27/2010 11:02:32 PM

I agree son. I agree.

4/27/2010 11:03:18 PM

ok. tomorrow night i want you to read me clifford. he inspired me to become a big red dog.

4/27/2010 11:06:20 PM