page 10

6/30/2009 11:53:29 AM

Quote :

" (831): You should get sea herpes (831): I mean sea horses "

Quote :

" (949): After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =( "

Quote :

" (479): okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters (501): ok you need to stop NOW "

Quote :

" (516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? "

[Edited on June 30, 2009 at 7:24 PM. Reason : moar]

6/30/2009 7:06:44 PM

Quote :

"(916): He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics"

7/1/2009 2:29:10 PM

^^ ha, i used to find my nova on the floor memories

7/1/2009 2:41:45 PM

Quote :

"(905): Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich "

7/1/2009 3:08:11 PM

Ahahahahahaha

7/1/2009 3:10:16 PM

you know you've reached an all new low when you're sitting at a table full of dudes and one is passing around his phone to the rest...and finally one says "show that to casey...i think she can handle it"

7/1/2009 3:11:21 PM

Quote :

"i used to find my nova on the floor"

7/1/2009 3:42:14 PM

7/1/2009 4:01:18 PM

Quote :

" (612): So do you want to come over? (763): Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry. "

Quote :

" (708): We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks." (1-708): Let's do it. All homo "

Quote :

" (785): Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them? "

Quote :

" (484): bad idea #53- masterbating while on period. "

Quote :

" (425): he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick. "

7/5/2009 10:22:30 PM

Quote :

"(816): normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me"

7/5/2009 11:12:55 PM

Quote :

"(773): smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands"

Quote :

"(516): i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk "

Quote :

"(224): So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?"

Quote :

"(240): Banned from zoo. (301): Again? "

Quote :

"(206): i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship. (425): for sure. did you let him do it? (206): thats not the point."

ahahahahahahhaha

[Edited on July 7, 2009 at 9:51 AM. Reason : ]

7/7/2009 9:37:38 AM

Quote :

" (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. "

made me lol

7/7/2009 7:37:30 PM

Quote :

"(678): yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her. "

hahaha

7/8/2009 11:29:39 AM

^^rofl

7/8/2009 11:34:11 AM

Quote :

"(516): whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?"

Quote :

"(402): giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds. "

Quote :

"(480): so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic"

7/10/2009 9:06:18 AM

Quote :

"(410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance."

7/10/2009 11:48:37 AM

^^ at the third one

Quote :

" (404): Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn. "

Quote :

" (215): After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk. (610): I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect. "

Quote :

" (402): I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over. "

7/11/2009 3:53:13 PM

Quote :

" (816): you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell. "

hey, that sounds familiar

Quote :

" (503): the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me. "

7/13/2009 1:05:44 AM

Quote :

"(904): He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator"."

lol wtf

7/14/2009 8:08:18 AM

^ahahaha

7/14/2009 8:09:48 AM

^^wow. hahahahahhahaa

7/14/2009 8:11:46 AM

Quote :

"(781): I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step "

Quote :

"(203): you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small"

7/15/2009 8:44:11 AM

Quote :

" (904): Was it cool? (1-904): About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon. "

Quote :

" (586): I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope." "

Quote :

" (520): Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out. "

Quote :

" (972): I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that. "

Quote :

" (405): Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them. "

[Edited on July 15, 2009 at 7:57 PM. Reason : moar]

7/15/2009 7:56:12 PM

Quote :

"(516): whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?"

im in love

also with girls who giggle

boner city

7/15/2009 8:43:24 PM

Quote :

" (847): How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women? "

Quote :

" (217): we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself. "

Quote :

" (206): Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick. "

Quote :

" (586): I just got called a slut by someone with the screen name "letzgetnakd"... (I-586): Its like a bank robber calling you a theif. "

INTERNET. SERIOUS BUSINESS

Quote :

" (315): she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game. "

Quote :

" (309): My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass "

haha

7/17/2009 9:22:42 AM

Quote :

"(775): Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk. (504): Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera. "

7/17/2009 9:37:29 AM

Quote :

"Sister - Hey, can I come over to your pool this morning while you're at work? Me - Sure Sister - Thanks, do you have any food? Me - Yes Sister - Awesome, and can I borrow your car? Me - No, I have to go to work remember? Sister - Oh ok, that's cool, have a good day at work!"

wtf

7/17/2009 9:41:01 AM

Quote :

" (310): So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops? "

7/19/2009 2:20:55 PM

Quote :

"(209): he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period "

7/20/2009 10:09:40 AM

gross

7/20/2009 10:10:10 AM

srsly

7/20/2009 10:21:50 AM

7/20/2009 10:22:29 AM

nom nom

7/20/2009 10:24:14 AM

this thread has lots of win

7/20/2009 11:12:36 AM

http://textsfromlastnight.com/view/46213

tdub get me back on page 1. kthx

7/20/2009 3:28:38 PM

Quote :

" (901): oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass (901): fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings "

Quote :

" (440): she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2. "

Quote :

" (231): I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed. "

haha

Quote :

" (816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina "

Quote :

" (267): I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys. "

7/21/2009 7:33:05 PM

Quote :

" (859): While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight. "

Quote :

" (608): You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied. "

Quote :

" (248): Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night. "

Quote :

" (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ "

7/22/2009 9:58:34 AM

Quote :

"(336): he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down (919): i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him "

336 and 919 area codes

7/22/2009 10:03:54 AM

Quote :

"(813): No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want. "

Quote :

"(443): Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on "

Quote :

"(763): there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it "

Quote :

"(416): i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia "

Quote :

"(630): why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt? "

Quote :

"(334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet. "

Quote :

"(813): he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach "

7/22/2009 4:47:42 PM

Quote :

" (703): And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet... "

Quote :

" (815 ): His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. "

YO DAWG I HEARD YOU LIKE TEXTS, SO I PUT A TEXT IN A TEXT SO YOU CAN READ A TEXT WHILE YOU READ A TEXT

Quote :

" (310): she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category. "

Quote :

" (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. "

Quote :

" (864): Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others?? "

7/22/2009 10:18:58 PM

texts from last night app for blackberry
http://software.crackberry.com/product.asp?id=33453&n=Texts-From-Last-Night-for-BlackBerry

7/23/2009 8:41:30 AM

is there an iphone one yet?

7/23/2009 8:42:37 AM

Quote :

"(303): God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with. (720): And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids."

Quote :

"(802): Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?"

7/23/2009 8:53:39 AM

Quote :

"(919): i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"

7/23/2009 7:32:26 PM

Quote :

"(627): his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting. "

7/23/2009 7:35:42 PM

Quote :

"http://textsfromlastnight.com/view/46213 tdub get me back on page 1. kthx"

holy shit that was you??

hahaha that's so random...this dude at work told me about this one...pretty sure he's the one who wrote the comment about Archie's.

7/23/2009 7:38:05 PM

i just found my favorite one of these...

unfortunately i can not post it here

7/23/2009 8:07:51 PM

Quality isn't there today, so I took a look at the 'Worst Nights' and this is money:

Quote :

" (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. "

Quote :

" (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. "

Quote :

" (848): I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa "

Quote :

" (616): Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up. "

Quote :

" (480): my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion "

Quote :

" (209): he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period "

Those last two might be reposts, but they are glorious regardless

7/24/2009 9:15:41 PM

set up these texts

7/24/2009 9:42:46 PM