LOTS

OF

CARROTS

10/17/2009 12:59:02 AM

Quote :

"(402): I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had."

10/22/2009 3:54:30 PM

^Facebook, what?

10/22/2009 8:22:36 PM

and?

10/22/2009 8:25:53 PM

Quote :

" (412): All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire. "

10/26/2009 1:44:50 AM

Quote :

"(847): I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning."

Quote :

"(419): His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him."

10/27/2009 9:48:52 AM

Quote :

"(570): so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party."

10/30/2009 9:31:48 PM

Bunch of good Halloween ones up

Quote :

" (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. "

Quote :

" (860): I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen "

Quote :

" (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love "

Quote :

" (914): I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man "

Quote :

" (740): the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best. "

Quote :

" (321): Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day. "

Quote :

" (410): i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in. "

Quote :

" (856): i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty" "

10/31/2009 7:13:00 PM

Quote :

" (203): trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me "

Quote :

" (786): I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying. "

11/1/2009 4:11:51 PM

Quote :

"(425): You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option."

Quote :

"(270): At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back""

11/2/2009 6:55:59 PM

Quote :

"You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option."

In his defense, it fucking should be. Anyone on a mid-party food run would be ordering that by default. Probably multiple bags.

11/2/2009 10:21:06 PM

my dad has a fun story about pulling up and ordering "ten dollars worth of cheeseburgers" after a long day of fishing

11/2/2009 10:37:49 PM

Quote :

"(708): I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME" "

Quote :

"(610): You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck "

Quote :

"(+44): You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway."

Quote :

"(919): anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi"

Quote :

"(410): remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that."

11/6/2009 12:49:02 PM

dick time, I like it. I'll have to use that

11/6/2009 1:03:14 PM

Quote :

"(806): and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"..."

Quote :

"(334): Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama."

11/8/2009 6:15:21 PM

^prolly a kids birthday party

11/9/2009 4:03:19 AM

ive never had much interest in this site

11/9/2009 11:13:45 AM

Quote :

"(517): the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed""

sooooo true

11/9/2009 6:57:50 PM

Quote :

" (785): Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless. "

Made me think of Jen

Quote :

" (952): I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga "

Quote :

" (515): Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye? "

Quote :

" (901): guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching. "

Quote :

" (267): like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage "

Quote :

" (305): I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming. "

Quote :

"(919): he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer. "

wat

11/14/2009 6:12:31 PM

taste the rainbow?

11/14/2009 8:52:16 PM

Quote :

"(267): like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage "

haha, true that

11/16/2009 3:34:31 PM

Quote :

"(636): we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle""

Quote :

"(512): you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried"

11/20/2009 8:22:47 AM

Quote :

" (817): Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day "

11/21/2009 12:08:08 PM

Quote :

" (857): Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7' "

11/29/2009 11:28:27 AM

Quote :

"(512): you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried"

Hahaha

That's a hilarious image.

11/29/2009 12:38:02 PM

Quote :

" (919): i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap. woke up without a hangover. all for $20 "

11/30/2009 12:06:04 PM

^ ha nice

11/30/2009 12:12:07 PM

(541):
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward



this might be my new GOAT of tflns

1/15/2010 3:56:55 PM

^must try this

1/15/2010 5:17:36 PM

hahahaha that is awesome

1/15/2010 5:29:18 PM

ahahaha

1/15/2010 5:50:03 PM