I need my tubes tied.

12/3/2009 2:13:23 PM

ATTN: do not eat pumpkin pie while reading this thread... not so yummy

12/3/2009 2:41:28 PM

Quote :

"why is that baby purple"

I was blue when I was born

12/3/2009 2:45:55 PM

are you a smurf?

12/3/2009 2:51:16 PM

i had no idea women shit themselves during child birth. that's fuckin awesome.

12/3/2009 2:51:37 PM

^2 that's what my family called me after

^ well I mean, you're pushing something out and I would think it's not the easiest thing to completely disengage muscles that are right next door to your baby-pushing muscles

12/3/2009 2:54:33 PM

i saw a video in biology freshman year of high school of a woman giving birth, but i don't remember her shitting. maybe the camera angle wasn't really fixed on her butt enough. and i bet if she took a dump somewhat recently that would reduce the chances of her shitting herself. maybe i'm wrong.

[Edited on December 3, 2009 at 3:11 PM. Reason : .]

12/3/2009 3:11:04 PM

enemas are routinely given to women just after they are admitted to the hospital for labor

12/3/2009 3:15:26 PM

i am learning so much on this day

12/3/2009 3:21:22 PM

have you heard of the dreaded vaganus?

12/3/2009 3:23:15 PM

no, but please tell me about it. i have learned so much already. i am eager to soak up more knowledge like a sponge.

12/3/2009 3:27:35 PM

its when two become one...

12/3/2009 3:36:01 PM

pics or it didn't happen

12/3/2009 3:36:29 PM

i've heard that if you see it, you turn into a pillar of salt.

12/3/2009 3:39:16 PM

its the result of an episiotomy which is when the snip the land bridge b/w the pussy and the ass hole.

12/3/2009 3:43:12 PM

ugh page one makes me want to puke

12/3/2009 3:55:38 PM

Quote :

"yes you shit when you have a baby sometimes more than once this thread is disgusting babies are disgusting saggy vaginas are disgusting"

I would assume the doctors cleanse the woman out before hand

Quote :

"enemas are routinely given to women just after they are admitted to the hospital for labor"

oh yeah that guy already said it

[Edited on December 3, 2009 at 5:01 PM. Reason : k]

12/3/2009 4:44:54 PM

Enemas are not a must prior to delivery. It use to be, but now women are allowed to make the choice. In the last 20 years, there's been a real movement towards natural childbirth and allowing the mother to have far more control over the delivery than they once did.

A lot of women experience stomach disturbances when they first start having labor pains, so their bowels are generally empty long before they get down to childbirth. This makes the enema an unnecessary intervention.

--

BTW, my biggest fear while pregnant had nothing to do with poop and everything to do with the episiotomy.

And the don't snip the the entire perineum making the anus and vagina one big hole.

[Edited on December 3, 2009 at 6:30 PM. Reason : .]

12/3/2009 6:28:37 PM

Natural childbirth seems stupid to me. Nothing like ignoring the advances of science and medicine in favor of making things more painful and potentially dangerous.

12/3/2009 6:40:01 PM

what do you mean by "natural"

do you mean like w/o medical assistance

or just without pain meds?

12/3/2009 6:41:32 PM

Natural childbirth has nothing to do with ignoring science and medicine and has everything to do with trusting the mother and the mother's body to do what it was designed to do. Much of what was considered to be modern childbirth was doctor-centric and not mother or baby-centric. It was certainly developed by men. Laying the mother flat on her back, giving her drugs to hasten labor (making it harder and more painful), snipping the perineum, and using forceps or a vacuum to yank the baby out is all designed to make it less work on the doctor and shorten the process.

Natural childbirth means different things to different people. To some it is a home birth entirely without drugs, to others it is a hospital delivery with pain relief but without drugs to augment labor. But all in all, it is the idea that child birth is a natural event and not a medical procedure.

12/3/2009 7:41:21 PM

Quote :

"Dear God, Thank you for making me a dude."

12/3/2009 7:44:42 PM

Quote :

"Dear God, Thank you for allowing doctors to gain the skills to perform sex change operations so that I don't have a chance of having to go through child birth."

12/3/2009 7:46:16 PM

I'm sure you're right. I can't imagine those evil male doctors were ever concerned about things like reducing infant and mother mortality rates. Bunch of bastards!

12/3/2009 7:50:44 PM

It's not that doctors are evil. It's just that in their attempts to make childbirth an easier process for all involved that they actually developed certain practices that do not contribute to the well-being of the mother or the child.

For example, laboring on one's back strapped into stirrups. This makes it easy for the doctor to sit in a chair and access the woman's vagina. However, it works against the mother's natural instinct to labor in a squatting position with the assistance of gravity. It actually makes the woman have to work harder to deliver her baby. So now, much in thanks to the natural childbirth movement, hospitals allow women to move around during labor and deliver in a sitting position -- even providing special birthing chairs.

[Edited on December 3, 2009 at 8:09 PM. Reason : .]

12/3/2009 8:07:05 PM

It's a trade off, and you can almost always find a way to do it the way you want. Without googling a bunch of statistics, I'd be willing to bet that there are fewer injuries, deaths, etc. with modern birthing methods than with "natural" childbirth.

Yes, certainly the recent up swell in complaints have made most hospitals more open to alternative delivery methods, etc.

All I'm saying is if I was a woman, I'd want the safest, most painless, and quickest method. Everybody acts like it's some special act, but it's not. Mammals have been squirting out horrible looking little progeny for thousands and thousands of years.

[Edited on December 3, 2009 at 8:15 PM. Reason : adsfda]

12/3/2009 8:11:50 PM

12/3/2009 8:15:18 PM

Depends very much on how you define "natural." To the weirdos who insist on squirting the kid out onto a sheepskin rug somewhere in the woods it most certainly does exclude modern medical care.

Oh, and I'm done discussing this. I don't want any fucking kids anyway, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to watch the horror show that is childbirth.

[Edited on December 3, 2009 at 8:18 PM. Reason : adsfasd]

12/3/2009 8:17:03 PM

The United States has THE best record for infant mortality rates in the world.


Wait a second... hold your horses liberals. Before you race off to those beloved america-loathing statistics, take a look at how they were created and how they counted infants and mortality.

12/3/2009 8:23:47 PM

Quote :

"Everybody acts like it's some special act, but it's not. Mammals have been squirting out horrible looking little progeny for thousands and thousands of years."

That's the whole damned point. We did it for thousands of years without Pitocin, stirrups, and episiotomies. Why is it suddenly any different? Why does it have to be made into some huge medical procedure that requires so much intervention?

The basic argument is that Mom and Baby have better outcomes the less that a doctor intervenes and augments the birthing process. There is a lot of data out there that supports this.

The US has the highest rate of C-sections and medical interventions involved during birth in the world. We have twice the number of C-sections per pregnancy than that which is recommended by the World Health Organization. Among developed countries the US rates 29th in infant mortality and 41 in maternal mortality. It's actually quite scary when you think about it.

12/3/2009 8:27:50 PM

the c sections are rediculous, do the mothers schedule them before hand cause they are pussies?

12/3/2009 9:11:39 PM

i don't think i would want a like home birth or whatever

i mean i know i wouldn't

but i would also LIKE to not have to use drugs during the labor (pain meds or whatever)

i don't even want kids, but if i did i mean.

12/3/2009 9:18:44 PM

I don't think that you have adequate child birthin hips

12/3/2009 9:20:08 PM

i do!!!

i am small but i am pear shaped

[Edited on December 3, 2009 at 9:21 PM. Reason : .]

12/3/2009 9:20:53 PM

Quote :

"It was certainly developed by men. Laying the mother flat on her back, giving her drugs to hasten labor (making it harder and more painful), snipping the perineum, and using forceps or a vacuum to yank the baby out is all designed to make it less work on the doctor and shorten the process."

While I don't disagree with most of what you have been saying, this is with out a doubt one of the most retarded things I've ever read.

12/3/2009 9:22:14 PM

Only its 100% accurate. Don't forget we used to practice "twilight births" back in the day, and lots of C-sections are still done because the doc has a tee-time to make.

Check out "The Business of Being Born." Slanted but mostly accurate.

12/3/2009 9:29:22 PM

Quote :

""Dear God, Thank you for making me a dude.""

12/3/2009 9:29:58 PM

Yes because the majority of the OB/GYNs in this country are males who would rather golf than deliver a baby safely with their malpractice insurance being one of the highest of all specialties.

12/3/2009 9:31:49 PM

Quote :

"i do!!! i am small but i am pear shaped "

haha, that's really hard for me to believe. I can't really picture it... weird. Well, there's no real UNCREEPY way for me to ask you to show me, so I'll just take your word for it I guess

12/3/2009 9:34:38 PM

not like a big pear

like a small pear. i mean i just got more on bottom than i do on top haha.

12/3/2009 9:35:21 PM

12/3/2009 9:36:31 PM

yea but i'm not that hippy. but def bottom heavy.

12/3/2009 9:38:22 PM

I think thats "apple vs. pear" Hardees drive thru version. Apple cartoon makes me want to vomit.

12/3/2009 9:41:31 PM

that's very arousing

12/3/2009 9:42:29 PM

see like she is skinny and pear shaped:




not like super hippy but more hips that boooobies

that is me (except not as good lookin obvi haha). i wish i was an hour glass but not very many women are actually an hour glass



[Edited on December 3, 2009 at 9:45 PM. Reason : .]

12/3/2009 9:43:40 PM

I think I'm starting to see what you're talking about. This understanding will help immensely when building the lifesized doll of you in my closet.

[Edited on December 3, 2009 at 9:45 PM. Reason : so far, I only have a foot, and a shin]

12/3/2009 9:44:47 PM

lol

glad i could help

no babies though pls

12/3/2009 9:46:31 PM

by the way, speaking of lifesized models, I was on xbox live the other day, and I decided to try out their new facebook feature. In trying it out, your profile came up, so I pulled up a picture (not to be creepy... you were just the first random profile).

You look FUCKING CRAZY on a 52" TV. Ever since, I've been terrified of you.


ok, back on topic... no babies.

12/3/2009 9:49:04 PM

In before Lewoods

12/3/2009 9:49:19 PM

i am scared of the idea of an episiotomy.

due in 18 days. god i hope i have enough time to get an epidural.

12/3/2009 9:49:39 PM