2

5/10/2010 12:36:43 AM

don't be so self-conscious about your little weiner. it will grow so much over the next two years that you won't even hesitate to show it to all the hot babes in school

5/10/2010 12:39:00 AM

Dear Mini-Wtchy,
Don't make a copy of that old French exam Junior year, even though it didn't have any answers they still call that cheating. It is not a study guide. Also, stay away from all of the kids who have alcohol on the Senior band trip and for God's sake don't throw the peppermint schnapps bottle out the hotel window. The fat man chaperoning will collect the glass and ask if you have ever seen it before. Don't try to kill yourself as the result of these dumbass mistakes, just own up and take your punishment. Everything turns out in the end because you still get into State and you didn't have to go to Cape Fear. Oh, and quit trying to get guys to like you the first two years of college by doing that thing you do. It doesn't work...none of them stuck around.

Love,
Older You

5/10/2010 12:44:53 AM

Ha! Like my 14-year-old ass would listen to a damn thing I say.

5/10/2010 12:48:20 AM

Dear Little TC,

Wipe all that makeup off your face. No one likes a baby-goth-wanna-be hangin' around. High school is going to suck, but just hang out and it will be over soon. Science is cool, keep doing it... otherwise you'll end up as a mass comm major. Also, your buddy will introduce you to weed next year - don't wig out on that shit.

Peace,
you from the future

5/10/2010 12:59:54 AM

The upper crust of Cary (ie Cary) is as bad as you think.

5/10/2010 1:06:16 AM

OK man, look. I have no comments on how hard you should work in high school -- your natural pace served you just fine. In college, however, maybe you should start putting in some effort. Get an internship or co-op, for chrissakes.

As to women, there are two of them that you share many of your high school classes with. For reasons I do not understand, they want to have sex with you. I was unaware of this at the time, but now you are not. For God's sake don't squander the opportunity. Bang both of them, preferably at the same time, but don't push it. There's also this other one who's dating a band guy right now. Avoid her or she'll end up suing you for libel. And if you can't avoid her, at least bang her. Basically I think my advice is "Bang everyone who will let you as often as they will let you."

Also, feel free to go ahead and start drinking as soon as you turn 18. Do not start smoking, it costs way too much. I encourage you to switch religions in three years but please for God's sake don't let it stop you from following my advice vis-a-vis banging. This cost me many opportunities.

5/10/2010 2:23:04 AM

- The symptoms of ADHD. Look them up.

5/10/2010 2:34:38 AM

Dear 14 year old Mitsu,
Stay in touch with kathy! She turns out to be pretty much the most perfect girl ever, but by the time you realize it, she'll be living with a guy in alaska...
Yours Truly,
27 year old Mitsu

[Edited on May 10, 2010 at 2:40 AM. Reason : indeed]

5/10/2010 2:34:52 AM

Dear Casey,

Don't go fishing with Jamie that one Sunday at the end of your freshman year in high school. It's going to change your life forever.

PLEASE listen to me,
Casey

5/10/2010 6:50:40 AM

DEAR SAABSON,

DON'T FORGET TO OBTAIN A LARGE QUANTITY OF 5-MeO-AMT (5-METHOXY-ALPHAMETHYLTRYPTAMINE) AND TAKE HIGH DOSES OF IT AT LEAST 50 TIMES WHEN YOU GET BACK FROM STAYING IN FRANCE IN A FEW YEARS. IT WILL WIPE THE WEBS AND THE DEW FROM YOUR WITHERED EYE (PRY OPEN DAT THIRD EYE MY SON). NO OTHER CURRENTLY OBTAINABLE PSYCHEDELIC WILL COMPARE TO IT AND IT WILL DISAPPEAR SHORTLY AFTER YOU BECOME AWARE OF IT MY SON. OH, AND DON'T STAY IN FRANCE SON.



LOVE,

SAABSON

5/10/2010 6:58:47 AM

^^ that makes me

5/10/2010 7:33:08 AM

Dear Pikey,

High school is gonna suck. But don't sweat it. Just keep getting good grades and trudge on. All the cool kids end up losers. All the hot girls get fat. All the geeky girls become fly. College will kick the shit out of high school.

-The first week of college, there will be two girls that show up to your house, a blond and a burnette. You will try to get one of their numbers. Get the burnettes number. The blond is a dead end.

-Do not ever attempt to drink whiskey. Nothing good comes out of any of these nights.

-Take the internship in NYC. She will leave you to be with her ex a few weeks later anyway.

Sincerely,
Pikey

5/10/2010 7:40:52 AM

Dear 14 yr old me,

Keep being awesome. Fuck bitches, get money, the rest will take care of itself.

5/10/2010 7:42:06 AM

Don't stay in Raleigh for that girl. She's a whore and will nearly ruin you less than a year later.

5/10/2010 9:13:06 AM

Dear Lucy,

Don't date anyone in high school. Especially your long-time crush who will eventually fall for you. He's smoked out his brain cells and your breakup will be a catalyst for his downward spiral. Just wait for the cute, smart, emotionally stable boys in college.

Also, stay home on New Year's Eve 2000. You'll never undo the damage done that night.

Love,
Lucy

[Edited on May 10, 2010 at 9:27 AM. Reason : .]

5/10/2010 9:27:22 AM

Quote :

"Just wait for the cute, smart, emotionally stable boys in college."

did you go to a different college than me?

[Edited on May 10, 2010 at 9:36 AM. Reason : a]

5/10/2010 9:31:50 AM

tartsquid,

Those girls are not your friends. In a few years, you will hate them and everyone else. Go to a different school - FFA alone isn't worth it. For the love of god, do not let your mother guilt you out of going to NYU.

5/10/2010 9:32:45 AM

^^ Perhaps I just got lucky, bc my long-term college boyfriend was awesome.

I definitely dated a couple of duds as a freshman, however.

5/10/2010 9:37:39 AM

become fluent in german as quickly as possible
Beg Dave, Chris, and John to teach you how to exercise properly and lift weights so you can learn to live healthy at a younger age. They are good mentors in life and will help you become who you want to be.
just cause you get an A on your first geometry test doesn't mean you are too smart for the course and can just give up studying entirely. This is how you will get D's and nearly fail out of school.
don't worry about tyler, he's just an angry teenager
don't get all upset over the serbians, they have a retarded sense of humor. Ignore them.
Stop Martin from getting wasted and jumping off that cliff that one time. You will save his life.
Don't sweat over girls. If you need to go buy a hooker at Maxine's.
Realize the opportunity in life you've just been given. You don't seem to understand this particularly because of how young you are and have taken advantage of it too much. Go to a museum, go visit some countries you've never been to. You don't have to be the class clown and get in trouble all the time just to make friends
Keep your hair cut short.

5/10/2010 10:38:53 AM

Quote :

"If you need to go buy a hooker at Maxine's."

ahahahaha
best advice in thread

5/10/2010 10:41:02 AM

Maxine's was nice because they didn't ask your age. If you had the cash they'd let you in

5/10/2010 10:43:56 AM

Dear Angsty Adolescent LK,

Don't hook up with the guy you've been obsessing over after Ashley's party. It will not turn out the way you hope (ie, no he is not going to fall in love with you after). Actually, you're going to learn that he propositioned a lot of girls that night, you were just the one dumb enough to think you were special. He will also not be the gentleman he says he's gonna be and will talk about it to everyone after humiliating you. It will blow over (badumtssh!) eventually. But he will never like you so STOP obsessing over him. He will flirt with you all through high school, but continually crush you and date someone else.

Don't worry...after hs he knocks up some chick, gets married and is divorced b4 he can legally drink.

Otherwise, keep it up...I kinda feel like the other fuck ups are necessary for you to learn a life lesson.

Also,

Quote :

"-Buy stock in Apple. Yeah, I know their computers are gay now, but they're going to turn things around."

5/10/2010 10:58:52 AM

- curly hair + short hair = bad idea (at least the way you did it)
- tweezers are a good thing
- take practicing the guitar seriously

5/10/2010 11:00:53 AM

I think the most important one for me would be:

-Quit being fat, start exercising and running and enjoy some of the best years of your life.

5/10/2010 11:02:12 AM

- You're funnier than you think you are, but you still have much to learn and many skills to train.
- Look up the symptoms for bipolar disorder.
- Get into ACC sports sooner; it will help making friends so much faster.
- Don't work hard, work smart.
- Girls are a little less superficial in college. Bide your time like a game of poker. Also, learn how to play poker.
- Needing to sleep 12-14 hours a day is not natural. Look up thyroid disorders.
- Chicks in biology are super horny. Run with it.

5/10/2010 11:47:33 AM

I would tell my 14 yr old self to buy stocks in Apple and retire at the age of 25.

5/10/2010 11:48:43 AM

1) Become taller and put on some weight!
2) Long hair
3) learn music
4) DONT GO TO ENGINEERING SCHOOL....ITS EVIL and WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE...i mean its already ruined it for future you but if only
5) Instead pursue sports seriously...i mean you pretty do just that but now take it seriously!
6) You will move to usa soon so go learn some engrish!

5/10/2010 11:51:54 AM

Drop Crazy Sarah as soon as you have doubts. Don't throw away a year of your life because she threatens to kill herself everytime you try to get out.

[Edited on May 10, 2010 at 12:15 PM. Reason : .]

5/10/2010 12:15:00 PM

ok i'll do a real one...this might take a while though.

at 14, jim is gonna offer you a camel special light - turn it down.
at 15-17, for god's sake do the schoolwork required, it'll get your college rolling years sooner.
when you turn 18, don't apply at applebee's - just go straight to the cardinal club - 4x money and better hours.
when you're 19, talk to megan more, she was a winner and you fucked it up, and don't sell dude's guitar for him, tell him to go pawn it himself, then MOVE THE FUCK OUT, YOU WILL BE ROBBED OF EVERYTHING A WEEK LATER.
when you're 20, don't cheat on lauren, -1 soul-mate right there. also, stock up on american flag stuff, it will sell like wildfire next year.
when you're 21 and homeless, don't go to dad's house - 6 miles walk in the snow and he turns you away - go to randy's instead, he will take care of you.
when you're 22, and about to form extra strength, don't. it has been the biggest waste of time and effort ever. start singing instead, it's what you were meant to do.
when you are 24, call your parents and tell them to sell everything in the market and not to invest anything with anyone, they'll save 40k easy. also, this girl kaitlyn starts hanging around, one day you go to her house and a friend is there with her, FUCK THEM SILLY, THAT'S WHAT THEY WANTED, you weren't aware of her interest, and got friend-zoned.
when you are 25, stay off the torrents, trust me, go with rapidshare links.
when you are 26, start using torrents again, the coast is clear.
when you are 28 don't bother with adam the drummer, he's a whiny bitch that sours the band's milk in the end. also, don't fire thor, he's the one that gets you musically, not chad.

5/10/2010 12:37:54 PM

Dear thegoodoctor,

-Tell your Dad to keep the dog before he moves to Canada, it's gonna last longer than his new wife anyways.
-Be nice to everyone you meet, otherwise you'll carry it around the rest of your life.
-Good job of keeping those HS boys away, college is where it is at.
-Your 18th year will be the hardest of your life. Trust me when I say everything will be ok in the end.
-you rock

Sincerely,
the good doctor

5/10/2010 1:14:01 PM

dear young'un grimx,

when there comes a time you're thinking of quitting soccer, don't you need the exercise
that first summer after high school - don't do it, its just a summer until college and you'll be better off
first semester of college - you fucked it up by friend zoning one of the only educated girls to chase after you
don't get a job at target, you meet someone while working there, but they introduce you to tww

<3 future you

5/10/2010 1:26:19 PM

anyone else?

5/10/2010 6:00:31 PM

Kinda funny.. after seeing this thread yesterday I went to the lady's house and she made me watch the time traveler's wife.

She fell asleep but that's neither here nor there.

5/10/2010 6:01:34 PM

Dear lil' fatcatt316,

- If a girl seems like she likes you she does, they're not all just being friendly.
- Get the penis reduction surgery, it only gets worse from here on out.
- Invest all your money in Apple (and stocks in general), but sell it all in 2007
- Vladimir Vodka is not your friend, watch out for it in the future!

Your time-traveling pal,
fatcatt316

5/10/2010 7:17:03 PM

Dear tard,
-Somewhere during your senior year you're going to stop trying. You'll still do fine, just maybe make some effort.
-When you graduate, get the fuck out of town. Immediately.
-All those people you know? They actually do want to know you. Don't ignore them. You'll miss the less persistent ones later.
-You're going to have some doubts about the girl you're with. Save everyone some trouble and listen to your gut.
-Who knows what will happen after this, but it'll be ok. Probably. Unless you fuck it up again.

Nice talk!

5/10/2010 7:49:40 PM

hey stupid

those girls are flirting with you, flirt back retard

me

5/10/2010 7:53:25 PM

PPPS

Once you break up with a girl, don't hit it again just for old times' sake.

Don't date the 3 Jennifers in a goddamn row.

Be nice, but don't be a doormat

you can't fix bitches' problems

they can't change you,

and if they try, walk away

don't go to Wendy's, she's a fat bitch

Merry Christmas has some big ass tittays, but her pussy stank

don't be so goddamn picky, try new things sooner

when it's time to move to Raleigh and go to State the first time, go.

go to sleep, you're not missing anything

good job keeping away from girls in relationships, keep doing that

don't stop smiling, they never know what you're thinking

keep being awesome

5/10/2010 8:44:16 PM

Dear lil' TofE:

Skip that guy Ryan all together. Waste of skin and air.
When the next dude asks for the engagement ring back in that whiny, holier-than-thou pussified way, do not give it back because you could have kept it. Tell people what actually happened, as it happened, so it won't cost you your awesome job. If you still don't listen DO NOT accept that state job afterward. You will never leave and it will make you cranky 24/7.

<3
me

5/10/2010 10:53:10 PM

gray's.. sports.. almanac

5/10/2010 10:56:08 PM

Sup Birdman,

Quit being a pussy and break the fuck up with that horrible excuse for a woman. Generally up the effort level a notch or two. Otherwise, keep on keepin' on.

Yours truly,

Big Bird

5/10/2010 11:48:17 PM

Sup B!

Throw in the towel and just plan on being a teacher. No matter how hard and how long you try and fight it you're going to be miserable doing anything else.

Sincerely,

Me

5/10/2010 11:51:28 PM

Lil OBC,

You'll do alright in high school, be smart as crazy and have good friends. College is the shit. But:

- Don't bother dating that loser, in both high school and college.
- As much as you'll work your butt off in volleyball, work harder. That DII recruiter could've been just the beginning.
- Make sure Anna doesn't get in the car with Justin. And tell Linsay to not take Hwy 15.
- Don't go the lake for the weekend after graduation. Your grandaddy will pass away 8 hours after you get home, you selfish bitch.
- Nothing will ever been good enough for your Dad, so just do your own thing and don't get so worried about it.

<3 wise grasshopper OBC

5/11/2010 12:16:34 AM

Enjoy those times when you are bored with nothing to do. You wont have that much free time again.

5/11/2010 12:16:56 AM

Fry,

In 3 years you could have a state championship ring. The broken nose shouldn't stop you from that. You'll never never have that physical strength and quickness again when you get out of high school. With a mask or not it will be your last shot. Work until you can't breathe. Visit PP more often before junior year, he won't see you graduate. There are only a handful of people on earth like him at one time, and you will do well just to be compared to him. Be confident; pride will make you fall harder than anything else.

This is a humbling exercise.

5/11/2010 12:54:13 AM

Life might suck balls right now but keep your chin up, it does get better. Don't fuck it up when you're 17 oh and your father really doesn't hate you, I KNOW RIGHT, amazing. Also, have sex and lots of it with a boy named Ben, don't get all emotionally involved because he turns into a weirdo, just enjoy the moment.

Also, socks with sandals are so 1959.

5/11/2010 12:56:51 AM

zorthage,

Don't stress so much about the divorce. You ARE making yourself sick and will later on wish you didn't miss so much of High School. Also, don't be a wimp, ask the girls out. Being told no is the worst that would happen, and you'll figure out thats not as bad as you make it out to be.

Also, save the flat list file of every student's information you will find, you never know when it will come in handy. Be more organized!

Slug your brother in the shoulder one more time, once he gets bigger than you, you don't do it again. Ever.

And put some money in Apple. It'll pay, I promise.


- Future Z

5/11/2010 12:59:36 AM

Don't break up with that girl in HS without sleeping with her first. You'll know which one when you start dating her. Also, don't drop out of college. Just stick it out. Really. That girl you meet your sophomore year will probably come off as "too good" for you. But with a little self confidence, you'll bag one helluva an amazing, and beautiful, chick. You just gotta stay in school man.

Oh, and start investing money in Google. Like, seriously. Invest as much as you can.

Oh yeah. Stay the fuck out of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. Don't tell anyone else though, or they'll think your a terrorist. Don't ask.

[Edited on May 11, 2010 at 1:03 AM. Reason : .]

5/11/2010 12:59:49 AM

Don't hook up with that chick in Costa Rica.

5/11/2010 1:03:08 AM

Dear BridgetSPK,

What up, young G! I'm supposed to give you advice and shit, but let's face it...you're fourteen and retarded and ain't none of it gonna take. Plus, you'll still be retarded at 26 so fuck it. Play on, playa!

5/11/2010 1:08:15 AM