5

5/5/2009 2:29:08 PM

6

5/5/2009 2:45:52 PM

Quote :

"(917): I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out (1-917): We've been saying that since '98"

Quote :

"(347): i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties"

5/5/2009 5:11:03 PM

Quote :

"(646): ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE! (812): ? (646): Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that? Labels: (646), (812)"

Quote :

"(502): Dude, just got a bummer. (1-502): What?? (502): A blow job from a homeless chick."

[Edited on May 5, 2009 at 9:06 PM. Reason : ha]

5/5/2009 9:04:38 PM

Quote :

"(248): im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me Labels: (248)"

Quote :

"(215): Betty ford says i'm here all night Labels: (215)"

Quote :

"(631): Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it Labels: (631)"

Quote :

"(323): I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps. Labels: (323)"

Quote :

"(512): I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck. Labels: (512)"

Quote :

"(401): Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars. Labels: (401)"

Quote :

"(843): This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit. Labels: (843)"

5/5/2009 11:51:14 PM

Quote :

"(458): I just saw the asian versions of us."

Quote :

"(321): My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?"

Quote :

"(323): I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps."

Quote :

"(702): What? How drunk are you? (1-702): elementary watson bafflding! I going to go live inthe fridge wit the polar bears. write me. postage costs xtra in kichenaides."

5/6/2009 3:08:14 AM

^ahhhh drunks mispell, they don't talk gibberish like visiting polar bears in fridges.
Only possible explanation is psychedelics, serious psychedelics.

5/6/2009 3:13:02 AM

Quote :

"(843): Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca."

Quote :

"(214): I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had. (972): I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes."

Quote :

"(631): He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on"

Quote :

"(405): I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace... (1-405): Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar"

5/6/2009 2:58:39 PM

Quote :

"(860): oh good, I think they're gone (215): the painters? (860): my herpes"

[Edited on May 6, 2009 at 3:01 PM. Reason : ]

5/6/2009 2:59:31 PM

Quote :

"And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca"

thanks. now i have to clean my monitor

5/6/2009 3:00:03 PM

Quote :

"(858): I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal"

haha, that person definitely has an iphone (ducking, damn auto-spell correct)

5/7/2009 7:57:49 AM

i have to post this somewhere because i just read what i texted to my friend last night after the hurricanes won and i got drunk...

U wanna do lunch 2morow?

(no response)

Aight no prob

(no response)

I'll go eat some wolly worms

(no response)

No biggie.
Love wolly worms.

5/7/2009 10:14:39 AM

good job....

5/7/2009 11:44:36 AM

Quote :

"(954): Say ur going to sleep and send us both off and ill come back in 10"

Quote :

"(513): K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one."

Quote :

"(765): That was a long time ago. She needed the money."

Quote :

"(917): omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter (310): Whats your twitter name"

Quote :

"(917): what time did you get home last night? (1-917): SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time (1-917): He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott"

5/7/2009 5:38:53 PM

Quote :

"(818): Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???"

5/7/2009 5:59:42 PM

Quote :

"(703): it wasn't lemon gatorade"

5/7/2009 7:34:14 PM

Quote :

"(202): i was like "WHY IS THIS SO TERRIBLE?" and then i realized ohhhh never took out that tampon "

Quote :

"(305): Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that."

Some good texts on these pages:

# they were the worst of nights: http://208.79.208.235/worst-nights/
# they were the best of nights: http://208.79.208.235/best-nights/

[Edited on May 8, 2009 at 12:57 AM. Reason : links]

Quote :

" (909): I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part. "

Quote :

" (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. "

[Edited on May 8, 2009 at 1:00 AM. Reason : moar]

5/8/2009 12:54:44 AM

Quote :

"(704): How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''"

Quote :

" (704): Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light "

Couple good ones from my neighborhood

5/8/2009 1:03:55 AM

Quote :

"(651): remember, never get drunker than the gals. we want their judgment impaired, not ours"

words of wisdom

5/8/2009 2:53:25 AM

Quote :

"I'm a creep. what the hell am i doing here? i don't belong here."

5/8/2009 2:55:39 AM

Quote :

"(610): she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break. "

5/8/2009 2:40:02 PM

Quote :

" (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score "

5/8/2009 4:34:01 PM

Quote :

" (614): I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts. "

Quote :

" (817): Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house. (405): Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box. (817): I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift. "

5/8/2009 9:23:56 PM

Quote :

"(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point."

Quote :

"(818): Jake died. (310): WTF????????? That's how you tell me???? (818): Oops typo. Jake cried."

5/9/2009 7:29:48 PM

Quote :

" (870): I don't get it. (501): Me neither. (501): But I masturbated to it anyway. "

Quote :

" (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife "

Quote :

" (202): if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think "

Quote :

" (925): im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy "

Quote :

" (416): i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high . "

Quote :

" (507): I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today "

Quote :

" (540): I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up. (540) I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid. "

Quote :

" (906): i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage. (989): you're going for the gold here. "

Quote :

" (973): Just mADE A PArabola og urine "

Quote :

" (714): i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day (619): ahah at least you got away with it (714): nope...my gran was the one who informed me "

Quote :

" (650): Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low. "

Quote :

" (864): and the officer said have you been drinking (864): and i said NOO SIR. (864): and he said, I am a woman. "

Quote :

" (404): I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone??? "

hahahahahahahaha

5/11/2009 2:23:08 AM

All the ones from chicks are sluts.

5/11/2009 2:37:19 AM

Quote :

"All the ones from chicks are sluts."

5/11/2009 2:40:26 AM

Quote :

"(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time? (1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that "

5/11/2009 5:49:35 PM

Quote :

"(661): Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times. "

Quote :

"(949): Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth? (619): hahahahahahahahahahaha "

[Edited on May 11, 2009 at 6:00 PM. Reason : .]

5/11/2009 5:57:40 PM

Quote :

"(208): the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise "

5/12/2009 10:29:01 AM

Quote :

"(513): dude, check out these nude pics of my ex (513): hey, she's got a pretty nice body...you go, dawg! (513): yeah...i pulled them up for fapping purposes (513): no need to share, but i'd fap to that (513): i'm gonna go do that now...don't send those to anyone else, okay? i'd hate for anyone else to see them (513): i would never do that to you, man! ... (513): dude, check out these nude pics of my friend's ex"

5/12/2009 10:51:09 AM

look at me guys im creative and inventive i make up shit on a blog site and pretend it was a text i got

5/12/2009 12:03:59 PM

I'm proud Tallahassee finally made the list (850)

5/12/2009 12:13:15 PM

Quote :

"(405): Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her"

5/12/2009 12:35:21 PM

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ by far the best one

5/12/2009 12:35:31 PM

^Just quote them, no one's going to count that shit.

5/12/2009 12:46:03 PM

thats his lame MO

5/12/2009 12:57:45 PM

Quote :

" (612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home? "

5/12/2009 7:40:02 PM

Quote :

"(901): After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?"

5/12/2009 9:48:56 PM

Quote :

" (323): Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch. "

5/12/2009 10:58:16 PM

Quote :

" (206): I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night! (253): Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out. "

Quote :

" (314): Most awkward sex ever... (314): And im texting you in the middle. "

Quote :

" (540): Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting. "

Quote :

" (763): I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off "

Quote :

" (514): you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties. "

Quote :

" (502): Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER! "

hahaha, sure they do. we call that 'throwing them under a bus'

Quote :

" (325): she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it. "

Quote :

" (812): Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support. "

Quote :

" (830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice "

5/13/2009 2:18:02 AM

Quote :

"(540): Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting."

Oh wow. LOL
This one should not be nearly as funny as it is.

5/13/2009 2:20:11 AM

Quote :

"(954): You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?"

5/13/2009 10:26:11 AM

Quote :

" (845): Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes. "

Quote :

" (416): Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro! "

Quote :

" (312): omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies (815): Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more. "

hahaha wat

Quote :

" (508): i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer. "

Quote :

" (540): that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen (703): i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid "

Quote :

" (215): dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up (412): haha what'd she say (215): i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF "

loooooooooooooool

Quote :

" (408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit. (415): be there in 3 mins "

Quote :

" (708): the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out. "

5/13/2009 6:48:11 PM

this is a text convo i had with punchmonk

punchmonk - We will do gifts when we are able to see you

Me - No gifts

punchmonk - Well, we will take u out to eat then.

Me - Taco Bell

punchmonk - Ok. If that is where you want to go.

Me - It's cheap and easy...
Like Lindsay Lohan!

punchmonk Siiiiiiiiiiiick burn!

5/13/2009 8:06:59 PM

Quote :

""(813): I can't find my pants or my car"

omg thats me because of drinking

5/13/2009 8:11:01 PM

Quote :

" (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 "

Quote :

" (413): Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative.. "

Quote :

" (412): guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head "

Quote :

" (510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. "

Quote :

" (706): hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you. "

5/14/2009 12:49:09 AM

I love this site/thread

5/14/2009 2:09:08 AM

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

5/14/2009 2:11:46 AM

Quote :

" (630): If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her. "

Quote :

" (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer "

Quote :

" (706): So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator. (404): I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer? (706): Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out. "

Quote :

" (786): Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative. "

Quote :

" (518): I hraet yuo (862): did you say you heart me or hate me? (518): who is this? "

Quote :

" (312): Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired. "

Quote :

" (708): it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn "

Quote :

" (904): Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out (1-904): How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction? "

Quote :

" (248): I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out. "

Quote :

" (814): Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me. (1-814): I hope you walked the shit out of that shame. "

Quote :

" (916): is it cool if i come over and use your computer? (1-916): what happened to yours? (916): i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink. "

hahaha

Quote :

" (530): 1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details. "

[Edited on May 14, 2009 at 2:36 PM. Reason : another good one]

5/14/2009 2:35:24 PM