7

5/19/2009 1:01:54 AM

♥

5/19/2009 1:19:34 AM

Quote :

"This did not happen. I know where you stole that shit from."

Did I steal the story or steal the tomahawk? Is my entire senior year of college a great big lie?

5/19/2009 1:25:18 AM

Quote :

" (313): Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone. "

5/19/2009 2:19:34 AM

i know there are a lot of sluts out there, but i can't imagine there are this many hardcore sluts walking around.

also, i've gotten black out more than my fair share and have the scars to prove it but i have never woken up with someone elses clothing or half of the things that have been mentioned on this site.

however if just 10% of these are true, its still gold.

5/19/2009 9:48:09 AM

Quote :

" Luol and I just scored with two 40 ..."

5/19/2009 10:43:38 AM

I've woken up in my friends clothing once in high school. I still have those shorts to remind me to never drink wild turkey again.

5/19/2009 12:31:48 PM

Quote :

"" (313): Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone. ""

SUP DAWG...

5/19/2009 4:12:50 PM

^^ yeah i slept with a fat chic and then passed out in the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom. my buddies found me and slipped her skirt on me while i slept there. agreed, that was a crazy morning. but nothing like waking up in a top hat and random boxers and not knowing how they got there.

5/19/2009 4:15:46 PM

Quote :

"(760): O no, u 2 are dating again? (503): No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture"

Quote :

"(917): I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch (740): enter at your own risk"

5/19/2009 11:32:45 PM

http://www.mylifeisaverage.com

http://www.envymylife.com

[Edited on May 19, 2009 at 11:46 PM. Reason : a]

5/19/2009 11:45:16 PM

^haha, nice

5/20/2009 12:08:23 AM

Quote :

"You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat."

I could see this being an actual event lol

5/20/2009 2:31:19 AM

Quote :

"(323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? "

5/20/2009 10:29:20 AM

^hahaha

5/20/2009 10:31:51 AM

Quote :

"(603): not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her "

ahahaha

5/20/2009 12:28:44 PM

Quote :

"(440): thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok? (216): ... about that ... "

5/20/2009 1:02:49 PM

Quote :

" (650): just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low. "

Quote :

" (848): I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa "

Quote :

" (816): If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance. "

Quote :

" (301): Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again "

Quote :

" (415): And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!" (1-415): What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy. (415): He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie." "

Quote :

" (323): Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel." "

Quote :

" (626): What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans? (1-626): You have mice? (626): no why? "

meh, not very good lot of texts

5/22/2009 3:35:26 AM

Quote :

" (214): in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now (469): Pride? (214): thats a pack of cougars (469): go fuck yourself "

Quote :

" (412): I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God. "

Quote :

" (312): You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today. "

Quote :

" (710): So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : ) "

5/22/2009 11:32:09 AM

Quote :

"(734): Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work."

Quote :

"(774): He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came. "

[Edited on May 22, 2009 at 12:59 PM. Reason : haha goal ]

5/22/2009 12:58:36 PM

Quote :

"(330): Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper. "

5/22/2009 2:30:24 PM

Quote :

"(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'"

Quote :

"(206): Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug? "

haha that one made me laugh

[Edited on May 22, 2009 at 2:33 PM. Reason : .]

5/22/2009 2:31:32 PM

Quote :

"(724): This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text."

Quote :

"(617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick."

5/23/2009 2:43:04 PM

at the last one

5/23/2009 2:44:21 PM

oh god

night poos

5/23/2009 2:45:12 PM

^^hahahaha

Quote :

"(519): Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me."

Quote :

"(352): She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all."

Quote :

"401): so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night" (1-401): um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her"

Quote :

"(813): This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along."

5/24/2009 12:26:04 AM

Quote :

" (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever."

Quote :

" (805): She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up "

Quote :

" (323): my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation. "

Quote :

" (310): just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy. (310):now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!! (310):whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea? "

Quote :

" (913): I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body. (402): Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days? (913): Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm. "

Quote :

" (210): so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it..... (512): oh shit that had to have been awkward (210): i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for "

Quote :

" (314): I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people. "

5/24/2009 3:44:40 PM

Quote :

" (443): party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there "

Quote :

" (458): So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins... "

Quote :

" (410): This is evicking siegelnvs (443): Im sorry? (410): This is fucking ridiculous* "

Quote :

" (734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle. (1-734): what was she crying about? (734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job. "

haha

Quote :

" (714): we're chasing vodka with high fives "

that sounds awesome.

Quote :

" (508): just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them "

5/25/2009 12:16:27 PM

(256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
(1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
(256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
(1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

hahahaha my favorite by far.

5/25/2009 1:01:14 PM

haha

5/25/2009 1:42:40 PM

Quote :

"(315): he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out (607): what a beautiful fairy tale "

Quote :

"(302): I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down. (1-302): You mean inside out. (302): No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist. "

Quote :

"(510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring..."

5/26/2009 2:10:19 PM

Quote :

" (310 ): I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work "

Quote :

" (212): yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money "

Quote :

" (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... "

Quote :

" (512): He told me I remind him of his sister... (917): Was this before or after you did it? (512): before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during. "

Quote :

" (330): and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!" "

Quote :

" (304): remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night? "

Quote :

" (254): I am coming home for anal (254): * a nap* "

hahahaha

Quote :

" (315): he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out (607): what a beautiful fairy tale "

[Edited on May 26, 2009 at 7:09 PM. Reason : asd]

Quote :

" (818): my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again. "

[Edited on May 26, 2009 at 7:28 PM. Reason : moar]

5/26/2009 7:08:54 PM

Quote :

" (602): 69 |D_O (1-602): wtf does that mean?? (602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently" "

5/27/2009 12:18:43 AM

^^ i knew i had grabbed my phone and couldn't find it anywhere in the car and was starting to get irritated till i found it between my tits.

5/27/2009 12:27:17 AM

^ I once found a remote control, a flash drive and $0.37 in change in there.

5/27/2009 12:46:09 AM

ive been wondering where the hell the flash drive went, Jewish bastard

5/27/2009 1:35:07 AM

Quote :

"(307): yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP "

[Edited on May 27, 2009 at 7:52 AM. Reason : ]

5/27/2009 7:50:10 AM

Quote :

"(714): It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends "

Quote :

"(504): He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl "

Quote :

"(727): a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know "

Quote :

"(803): im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk "

5/27/2009 11:21:51 AM

Quote :

" (307): try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip... "

Quote :

" (212): chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble. "

Quote :

" (407): I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!" "

haha

Quote :

" (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him "

Quote :

" (610): yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night. (215): what does that even mean? (610): you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life. "

Quote :

" (856): i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done! (917): question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut? "

Quote :

" (908): her vagina looked like a handful of raisins. "

wat

5/27/2009 9:02:37 PM

Quote :

"(574): Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter. "

5/27/2009 9:11:05 PM

I FUCKING LOVE THIS THREAD.

5/27/2009 9:13:53 PM

^Me too

Quote :

" (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. "

Quote :

" (404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said (770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to (404): You KNEW her power was out... "

Quote :

" (773): is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar? (773): it's more of a rinse. "

wat

5/28/2009 12:44:10 AM

Quote :

"(216): dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits." (814): so im guessing thats a no..... "

[Edited on May 28, 2009 at 7:24 AM. Reason : ]

5/28/2009 7:24:14 AM

Quote :

"(978): During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand "

5/28/2009 11:15:05 AM

Quote :

" (715): Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again. "

5/28/2009 11:20:39 AM

Quote :

"(978): so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo "

Quote :

"(925): i think i just met the girl of my dreams. someone made a serious statement about rape and she said "pish posh, i love surprise sex""

[Edited on May 28, 2009 at 11:36 AM. Reason : .]

5/28/2009 11:30:27 AM

^, ^^, & ^^^ AHAHAHA

[Edited on May 28, 2009 at 11:33 AM. Reason : .]

5/28/2009 11:32:43 AM

the surprise sex one has been posted a couple of times before. it was funny though

5/28/2009 11:39:07 AM

^5 lmao

5/28/2009 11:53:25 AM

set em up

5/28/2009 12:03:17 PM