8

5/28/2009 12:07:51 PM

Quote :

" (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. "

Quote :

" (703): he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust "

Quote :

" (908): so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts? "

Quote :

" (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. "

Quote :

" (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. "

haha, I can definitely see that text going around when scoping out a bar or making a realization when talking to a chick

5/29/2009 1:57:11 AM

Quote :

" (804): Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men "

Quote :

" (713): We need to get cat food (713): Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms "

Quote :

" (850): Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff "

Quote :

" (201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator. "

Quote :

" (563): I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever. "

5/29/2009 8:55:18 PM

Quote :

"" (201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator. ""

i lol'd

5/29/2009 9:12:14 PM

i was just about to post that.

5/30/2009 1:49:35 PM

Quote :

"(704): We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's. (919): If you're joking I'm going to be sad "

5/30/2009 2:52:34 PM

Quote :

" (336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll"

Quote :

" (408): hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner (1-408): if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends "

Quote :

" (907): Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior? (773): Responsible fail? "

Quote :

" (207): I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking. "

Quote :

" (740): Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night (631): U should. Its a good ice breaker "

5/30/2009 9:17:26 PM

Quote :

"(207): I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking."

I know her....lol

5/30/2009 9:42:32 PM

Quote :

"(402): lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce (1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE."

5/31/2009 11:56:26 AM

^lol

Quote :

"(704): I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful" "

5/31/2009 7:35:08 PM

Quote :

"(902): I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out. "

HAHAHA

Quote :

"(202): Do ugly people know they are ugly? (1-202): The quiet ones do. "

Quote :

"(770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti "

5/31/2009 8:11:17 PM

Quote :

"(712): I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up."

5/31/2009 9:37:47 PM

Quote :

" (253): she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person? "

Quote :

" (502): im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards. (773): Stop texting me, I'm right here. "

Quote :

" (909): yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face "

6/1/2009 1:26:35 AM

sounds kinda like last night's shenanigans huh

6/1/2009 1:28:13 AM

haha, something like that

6/1/2009 1:31:18 AM

woops

6/1/2009 1:32:19 AM

6/1/2009 8:37:26 AM

Quote :

" (970): I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach. "

6/1/2009 6:45:29 PM

I have a few I'd put on their site, but I know the people I've sent them to read it and they might get mad...

6/1/2009 6:56:08 PM

this is all tuesday night shit.

6/1/2009 8:03:26 PM

^^haha, i'm the same way

Quote :

" (925): i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on "

Quote :

" (709): just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq. "

6/1/2009 9:25:05 PM

Quote :

"(413): that girl last night was a 15 (1-413): wait she was 15? (413): no like black jack not sure if you should hit it "

6/1/2009 11:39:34 PM

haha

6/1/2009 11:41:57 PM

haha, I'm going to have to remember that one

6/2/2009 12:21:54 AM

Quote :

" (305): Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever (615): She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister "

Quote :

" (443): my mom's boyfriend is over for the first time. he's already telling me and the little sister how he's so comfortable around us that he'd easily change into his bathing suit in the middle of the kitchen. i nonchalantly told his french ass that we don't roll like that in america, carefully pronouncing "a-mer-i-ca" so he could understand. "

haha. my brother-in law is french. pompous ass

Quote :

" (425): my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me. "

Quote :

" (616): Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95 "

Quote :

" (609): I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking. (215): Being persistent has its perks my friend. "

Quote :

" (509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you "

Quote :

" (661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC (831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown. "

6/2/2009 7:08:43 PM

Quote :

" (814): Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it. (610): You might as well just give her the money now. "

Quote :

" (716): it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis. "

Quote :

" (209): HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24????? (606 ): We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour. "

Quote :

" (361): dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy "

hah

Quote :

" (610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore. "

6/3/2009 6:45:57 PM

Quote :

"I just applied for a job at the mental hospital and they said I need 24 hours experience with a retard. You wanna chill tomorrow? I've got crayons."

6/4/2009 3:41:54 AM

these couldn't be more fake if they were talking about unicorns being real

6/4/2009 4:14:23 AM

agreed.

especially when some of the responses are longer than 160 characters.

also there is a consistent trend of girls referring to each other as dude in these texts. that term is no where near as ubiquitous for girls as it is for guys.

[Edited on June 4, 2009 at 9:43 AM. Reason : dude]

6/4/2009 9:42:55 AM

Ha I could totally see people I know or myself typing most if not all of these. Yes Verizon lets you text over 160 characters and send it from non-smartphone to non-smartphone. It splits it up into up to 7 pages of 160 characters I think. I BELIEVE IN THIS WEBSITE!

6/4/2009 9:50:07 AM

It's funny for its own purpose, I didn't believe it from the start either, but it's a fun read.

Kind of sad, though, how far we go to entertain ourselves on the premise of getting drunk and sloppy. Any number of good punchlines could be derived from some other pastime.

6/4/2009 9:52:34 AM

^^^^ ahahahaha thats awesome

6/4/2009 9:54:12 AM

What do you want?

6/4/2009 9:55:21 AM

[quote"I just applied for a job at the mental hospital and they said I need 24 hours experience with a retard. You wanna chill tomorrow? I've got crayons."[/quote]

That's awesome

6/4/2009 10:12:51 AM

apparently my boyfriend submitted one of my texts to this and they didn't take it. i guess it wasn't cool enough.

6/4/2009 11:16:44 AM

it must of been really shitty to not get accepted, judging by some of the ones that have

perhaps there's a waiting period for first time submissions

6/4/2009 11:21:03 AM

or they only put up fake ones they contrive.

i say this not based on the quality but on the sheer fact that it would take them a long time to review all the texts they get and then put them up. i don't think a site like this has that sort of man power.

[Edited on June 4, 2009 at 11:24 AM. Reason : rationale]

6/4/2009 11:23:21 AM

well it wasn't about sex. so that could be where i went wrong. i will have to try harder the next time i am drunk - which will probably be never, so i've missed my chance!

6/4/2009 11:24:24 AM

which will probably be never?

6/4/2009 11:53:45 AM

Quote :

" (360): did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends. (425): some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate. "

Quote :

" (616): David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview? (773): Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian "

Quote :

" (405): when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high "

Quote :

" (646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." "

Quote :

" (603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station. (1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS. "

Quote :

" (843): plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone. "

Quote :

" (514): you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night (514): i got kicked out last time for laughing "

6/4/2009 9:51:37 PM

realistic texts from last night:

Quote :

"-hey where r u -on my way"

Quote :

"-what are you up to? -watching a movie, wanna hang out? -ok, see you soon"

half these retarded ones have nothing to do with last night

6/5/2009 12:28:30 AM

Quote :

" (603): Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame?? "

Quote :

" (919): Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home "

Quote :

" (812): At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote "

Quote :

" (562): trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander" "

6/7/2009 11:53:56 AM

Quote :

"(918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. "

6/7/2009 12:09:16 PM

Quote :

" " (603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station. (1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS. " "

These are the ones that make me think that most of the shit submitted is fake. This one is so fake it's not even funny.

6/7/2009 12:49:51 PM

hi, kadwallader, I submitted a few they didn't take as well, so don't feel so bad.

6/7/2009 1:04:13 PM

You have to have a potty mouth and be a douche to get your text posted!

I am not bitter.

6/7/2009 1:08:53 PM

And how the hell does this make it on there?

Quote :

"Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay."

6/7/2009 1:14:10 PM

I'm going to try to submit this set:

919 Hey man just wanted to thank you again, they totally believe that the pee was mine
336 Glad to hear it worked as planned, you're just lucky I ran out of booze last night or they might have fired you for having a BAC of one.

6/7/2009 1:14:23 PM

Quote :

"(847): I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it" "

6/7/2009 7:28:02 PM

set em up

6/7/2009 8:12:17 PM