Of course, the obvious solution is a flask. I'm considering it but I am still a bit scarred (literally) from last weekend's festivities.

However, I am thinking of some obviously ridiculous wedding-crashers style stories. So far I've got "veterinarian specializing in saving baby seals from oil spills".

Provide more unbelievable careers...

6/14/2008 2:37:27 AM

you are mileys lingerie stylist...

shhh dont tell RD

6/14/2008 2:41:08 AM

"we lost a lot of good men out there"

either from the war, or the Yankees and free agency. I don't know how well you can pull off pro baseball because I don't know you.

*and also because I don't know you, but I would def have a flask, or a cooler in the truck to show up early...something to make a dry wedding a little more worthwhile

[Edited on June 14, 2008 at 3:24 AM. Reason : ~]

6/14/2008 3:22:23 AM

Dry weddings suck. Do some pre-gaming at least.

"feng shui consultant"

6/14/2008 8:51:37 AM

Who has a dry wedding? Poor people?

6/14/2008 8:52:27 AM

I've been to two dry weddings. One was because yes, they were poor people and also horrible wedding planners. The other one we were given a very vague, "Someone on the groom's side of the family has issues with alcohol," from the bride's father, leading me to believe some asshole was a raging alcoholic and had to ruin it for the rest of us.

6/14/2008 8:54:54 AM

Hahah, just thought of one thumper told on here about a remedy she came up with as a guest a while ago, I'll let her tell it though, it'll be funnier. But I've been to plenty of dry weddings - it just depends on the people's preferences, I guess. Some folks are perfectly content to sit down to a meal with some nice music, good friends, and happy times, and not get plastered, while others include alcohol as just another form of celebration (which I'll probably do at my wedding).

[Edited on June 14, 2008 at 9:01 AM. Reason : .]

6/14/2008 8:55:16 AM

zomg how could i possibly enjoy myself without alcohol?

6/14/2008 9:10:06 AM

^ agreed...

trust me - I'm one for a good drink, but I dont understand why people expect alcohol at every single wedding reception they go to.

6/14/2008 9:12:17 AM

Quote :

"Who has a dry wedding? Poor people?"

people who don't drink or who have a history of alcoholism in the family have a good reason not to have an open bar.

6/14/2008 9:13:16 AM

Quote :

"trust me - I'm one for a good drink, but I dont understand why people expect alcohol at every single wedding reception they go to."

it's because weddings are boring. and if you want your guests to be happy, you need a non-boring reception

6/14/2008 9:15:40 AM

Plus people getting a buzz can make for really awesome and funny dancing photos.

6/14/2008 9:16:39 AM

the guestlist determines whether or not a wedding will be boring, not the bar.

6/14/2008 9:16:53 AM

I have a nice flask for sale.

6/14/2008 9:29:49 AM

Quote :

"Who has a dry wedding?"

SOUTHERN BABTIST ftl

6/14/2008 9:32:01 AM

Oh wait.

I'm Baptist.

So much for liquor dreams.

6/14/2008 9:32:53 AM

Quote :

"it's because weddings are boring. and if you want your guests to be happy, you need a non-boring reception"

Exactly. I view receptions as, "Thanks for sitting through our boring ceremony. Now here's some entertainment."

You don't necessarily need alcohol for the reception to be entertaining, but I've personally noticed they're usually boring without it. I think that has less to do with just the alcohol and more to do with the type of people who threw the dry weddings I went to.

6/14/2008 9:33:07 AM

i made a buddy some business cards with his name in the 'pork - the other white meat' logo. he told everyone he'd quit practicing law and was now a pork distributor. one girl (a reporter) started interviewing him for a story and got really really pissed when it came out that he was bullshitting everyone. good times.

6/14/2008 9:39:23 AM

lol

6/14/2008 10:04:15 AM

See, I don't find the wedding itself all that boring. They're pretty short (unless it involves communion), you don't have to do anything but sit and watch, and it is either a friend or a friend of your date, so one of you probably cares about the people up there.


Now the reception, that is the tedious part. People bothering you to dance, your date hinting at marriage over and over, all the girls screaming for the same stupid songs, the electric slide, the chicken dance, the macarena, you can't leave till the bride and groom leave, someone you don't know trying to talk to you, someone is always "that guy". Even with alcohol they're pretty miserable.

The entire wedding day should be no more than 1 hour. Congratulations you crazy kids, go fuck yourselves silly, I'm out.

6/14/2008 11:01:25 AM

looks like somebody had curmudgeon crunch for breakfast

6/14/2008 11:29:24 AM

^

Quote :

"your date hinting at marriage over and over"

'cuse me?

6/14/2008 11:32:58 AM

Quote :

"Who has a dry wedding? Poor people?"

Muslims.

6/14/2008 11:50:46 AM

^^^ Actually, I didn't have breakfast

^^ that was a generic composite of wedding date experiences of both myself and my friends, not intended to reflect one specific person or instance.

hell, I almost had a date lose her head when the bride launched the bouquet with the velocity of a Saturn V rocket

6/14/2008 11:53:59 AM

I hardly drink at all anymore, but weddings REQUIRE alc IMO.

6/14/2008 11:56:58 AM

I guess I should have put more emphasis on "ridiculous stories" than "dry wedding" in the title. After the first two posts it went the other way.

Anyway, the wedding is certainly not dry because of money. It's because my friend's parents would flip out. Welcome to the Bible Belt. I'm sure we'll manage to have fun without booze, but like other's said I don't put on a suit and tie in 90 degree weather for nothing!

6/14/2008 12:09:41 PM

anybody I know?

6/14/2008 12:11:56 PM

complaining about going an optional event that is paid for by someone else is awesome

6/14/2008 12:11:57 PM

receptions need booze. just bring a half gallon of whatever liquor you want. i always bring whiskey, so i just order cokes all night, go out to my car and load up. problem solved and no one is the wiser (assuming you don't get completly wasted and start dancing like a fool and grab the brides ass). you could bring the flask, but odds are you're gonna burn through that in the first hour.

6/14/2008 12:18:10 PM

Ok, Jody, here's a ridiculous story for ya.

Bride/groom disappear for 45 minutes during the reception. Bathroom. Parents had to literally go and fetch them, and escort them back.

As photogs we just sat around waiting for them because nobody wanted to eat or dance until the bride was there. It was like 45 minutes of stillness.

6/14/2008 12:44:20 PM

Quote :

"complaining about going an optional event that is paid for by someone else is awesome"

LOL at "optional"

[Edited on June 14, 2008 at 12:50 PM. Reason : in most cases anyway]

6/14/2008 12:50:45 PM

I view weddings as a celebration/party.

Every party ive ever been to that was worth a shit involved alcohol.

6/14/2008 1:01:34 PM

haha. this topic has been brought up before and people on tww like to get ccccray cray over people who complain about dry weddings.

yes it is an optional event and you get free food. but geezzzz we have to go to a dry wedding out of town in august. like we're traveling and spending $$$ to attend. so the food isn't necessarily "free". but obviously we are going to see two of our friends get married and that is what its really about blah blah blah.

even still, i don't think being a little disappointed that i won't be able to have a glass of wine is too outrageous.

6/14/2008 4:11:31 PM

So, alcohol laden weddings must be for Catholics or northerners. I grew up in eastern NC and I had never even heard of a wedding with alcohol (or dancing for that matter) anywhere other than in the movies until I went to college.

I had a dry wedding.

Everyone except my mother-in-law's family is from NC and some kind of Baptist or another. We decided to make our family happy and have a simple reception at the church, which meant no alcohol. And it was probably for the best since the "non-drinkers" all have a history of alcoholism.

We just got the younger people together with my mother-in-law's family at the bar in the hotel later than night. We did our carousing then. And my husband spent his wedding night passed out drunk.

6/14/2008 4:47:58 PM

my family is VERY southern. my grandmother drinks bourbon and water and she would probably die if she went to a wedding without alcohol haha. i don't know if it is a north/south thing. MAYBE it could be religion. but we aren't catholic--so that isn't it. i dunno my family is all very southern aristocrat so, they party. i think my grandmother is just used to like societal functions with drinks. who knows, really.

6/14/2008 4:51:14 PM

Quote :

"So, alcohol laden weddings must be for Catholics or northerners. "

I'm Catholic, from the "north" and my family is Irish on top of that.

We get shitfaced at our weddings

Case in point - sister's wedding two years ago. Got wicked shit faced. Got a hotel room. Couldn't figure out how to get out of my bridesmaid dress, so I just slept in it. And proceeded to go to breakfast with my family the next morning, still in said bridesmaid dress

6/14/2008 5:43:33 PM

Dry weddings can lick my nuts.

6/14/2008 5:45:52 PM

Quote :

"Now the reception, that is the tedious part. People bothering you to dance, your date hinting at marriage over and over, all the girls screaming for the same stupid songs, the electric slide, the chicken dance, the macarena, you can't leave till the bride and groom leave, someone you don't know trying to talk to you, someone is always "that guy". Even with alcohol they're pretty miserable."

Sounds like you've gone to some shitty receptions.

6/14/2008 7:12:38 PM

maybe, maybe not...but he's a stick in the mud anyways

6/14/2008 7:14:55 PM

Quote :

"Who has a dry wedding?" SOUTHERN BABTIST ftl"

Quote :

"Who has a dry wedding? Poor people?"

etc etc etc...

i bet it has a lot more to do with not wanting to have the day marked by some stupid crazy event, like uncle steve pissing off the roof of the kress terrace!!!1

i guess that kinda goes with what eleusis said about family history and stuff... and knowing who is gonna show up. i do know that i've been approached plenty of times by people before weddings politely "asking me" not to drink (in other words, implying that i shouldn't show up if i'm gonna be thirsty)

personally, i can't think of any weddings that i've ever ruined, but i can think of a few where my name probably comes up from time to time...

when i go to stuff like that, i'll usually have a drink or two and then stop.

or, you know, maybe they want to share the day with their family and close friends, and not just throw a party for 200 people who are gonna get drunk and bounce. seen that a lot too, that's a fucked up way to do your homeyz yo.

6/14/2008 7:24:46 PM

all i know is that at the last wedding i went to we cranked that soldier boy.

and yes i was drunk.

6/14/2008 7:33:43 PM

Quote :

"I mostly grew up in eastern NC and I had never even heard of a wedding with alcohol (or dancing for that matter) anywhere other than in the movies until I went to college."

As a kid, watching america's funniest home videos, I always wondered what the fuck was wrong with all the people at receptions acting the fool.

Then I learned dry weddings are something of a minority.

Quote :

"I think that has less to do with just the alcohol and more to do with the type of people who threw the dry weddings I went to."

Yes. My grandfather's idea of a roaring good time (like, our equivalent of a damn good party that's talked about for a while afterwards)? Cracking pecans/picking strawberries/watching TV with friends. His kids won't even drink a glass of wine in front of him. He's just such a judgmental asshole when it comes to alcohol, even though he's pretty damn tolerant (especially as a southern baptist minister) of things most men like him aren't.

Quote :

"Anyway, the wedding is certainly not dry because of money. It's because my friend's parents would flip out. Welcome to the Bible Belt. I'm sure we'll manage to have fun without booze"

My bf's family is irish, catholic, from chicago, and boisterous. Again with the culture shock: these people drink alcohol together! I was so shocked.
A dry wedding isn't an option We'll figure out a way to encourage most of my family to leave early, and then open the bar.

Quote :

"personally, i can't think of any weddings that i've ever ruined, but i can think of a few where my name probably comes up from time to time... when i go to stuff like that, i'll usually have a drink or two and then stop. "

Step one in being 'that' person: thinking you can win a drinking contest with a cop of irish descent from a drinking family

I used to not know my limits. I had to learn with a quickness.

6/14/2008 7:55:23 PM

^^ that was really khcadwal

but fuck dry weddings

6/14/2008 7:58:18 PM

^^ My side of the family is Irish Catholic and my boyfriend's side is Polish. We might as well have the reception inside a distillery.

6/14/2008 10:37:48 PM

ditch it.

6/14/2008 10:38:48 PM

well, it was fun. yes they did the electric slide and various other wedding favorites. the food was good, yadda yadda yadda.

now i'm just jealous that they are going on a 2 week vacation and i have to go back to work

6/14/2008 10:46:21 PM

Quote :

"your date hinting at marriage over and over"

who the hell does this? I thought mentioning marriage at a wedding is in really bad taste.

6/14/2008 11:27:33 PM

^ Crazy people.

6/14/2008 11:28:54 PM

People that fuss about dry weddings make me a little nuts. If you aren't good enough friends to be able to enjoy the wedding (ummm, yea... the reason for attending), just don't go.
It shouldn't be about how you have the opportunity to get hammered for free.

I'm not a goodie-goodie, and enjoy a drink - but some of the greatest weddings I've been to (and at my age, trust me - I've been to plenty) weren't party central.

What's the big deal?

6/14/2008 11:39:49 PM

never been to a wedding...true story

6/14/2008 11:40:20 PM