and my pants have beltloops that hold up the belt. what the fuck is really going on down there? who is the real hero?

12/2/2008 1:16:54 AM

i, too, love mitch hedberg

12/2/2008 1:17:53 AM

^^your hip

PROTIP: beltloop doesn't hold up your belt.

[Edited on December 2, 2008 at 1:20 AM. Reason : PROTIP]

12/2/2008 1:18:29 AM

actually, my ass does a lot of the work

12/2/2008 1:18:54 AM

lol

Quote :

"evans ass does most of the work"

O'RLY

[Edited on December 2, 2008 at 1:19 AM. Reason : ~]

12/2/2008 1:19:16 AM

i wanna have a show called "where are they now?", but it's about people that are really easy to find. where are jay leno? still in burbank!

12/2/2008 1:19:57 AM

There's a billboard in Virginia. I don't know, there's many billboards. They have the Lotto Jackpot. They say, "Estimated Lotto Jackpot $55 Million." I didn't know that shit was estimated. That would suck if you won and they go, "Oh, we were off by two zeroes! We estimate that you are angry!"

12/2/2008 1:20:57 AM

I saw a lady on TV and she was born without arms. Literally, she was born with her hands attached to her shoulders. And that was sad. But then they said Lola does not know the meaning of the word can't. And that to me was actually kind of worse in a way…you know. Not only does she not have arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's very simple Lola. You just take two words, you put 'em together, and you take out the middle letters and you put a comma in there and you raise it up.

12/2/2008 1:21:46 AM

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

12/2/2008 1:24:04 AM

is this stuff from his newest CD?

i know ^ isn't

[Edited on December 2, 2008 at 1:25 AM. Reason : lkj]

12/2/2008 1:25:09 AM

yeah. theres some more scattered around chit chat

12/2/2008 1:26:04 AM

Now let me ask you this. Why do you think there is a brick wall behind comedians? Maybe in the old days, there was a wolf that did comedy and he wasn't that funny. All the old clubs had straw in the back. But the wolf would have a bad set, and then huff and puff, and fuck shit up. Then we went to sticks. And once again, he huffed and puffed, and the motherfucker fucked shit up again. Now we're at bricks. The wolf ain't funny, but he can't do shit.

That's the Improv Fairytale.

12/2/2008 1:36:03 AM

bttt

12/15/2008 10:54:59 PM

well i see someone is feeling mighty tuff today

12/15/2008 10:57:44 PM

Quote :

""evans ass does most of the work""

he's a power bottom

speed is everything

12/15/2008 11:05:57 PM

Quote :

"ASS DOES WORK"

12/15/2008 11:34:16 PM

I thought this was going to be another video along the lines of "I can ride my bike with no handlebars"

12/15/2008 11:38:07 PM

WHO

IS

THE

REAL

HERO?

12/17/2008 11:43:25 PM

I just bought a 2-bedroom house, but I think I get to decide how many bedrooms there are, don't you? "Fuck you, real estate lady! This bedroom has an oven in it! This bedroom's got a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is also known as a hallway. This bedroom's over in that guy's house! Sir, you have one of my bedrooms, are you aware? Do not decorate it."

[Edited on December 17, 2008 at 11:53 PM. Reason : .]

12/17/2008 11:53:12 PM

who is the real hero?

12/21/2008 7:23:24 PM

who is the real hero?

2/17/2009 12:40:04 PM

Just last night I had to explain to my kid the bit about baked potatoes.

2/17/2009 1:06:23 PM

At what point will people stop making threads that are Mitch Hedberg jokes??

2/17/2009 1:08:12 PM

never

2/17/2009 1:10:43 PM

my weeny holds my pants up

2/17/2009 1:10:55 PM

who is the real hero?

3/30/2009 1:22:19 AM

who is the real hero?

4/24/2009 3:03:50 PM

New mitch hedgeburg comin out in August

I'm Big Business and i approved this message.

4/24/2009 3:04:40 PM

lol wut

4/24/2009 3:05:26 PM

ttt rip mitch hedberg

4/22/2010 11:49:16 PM

eh i dont wanna be that douch who is all like "i loved mitch hedburg basck in the day"

but i loved mitch hedburg back in the day and you people have burnt me out on him

4/22/2010 11:53:23 PM

you might have liked mitch hedburg but this thread is about mitch hedberg

4/22/2010 11:54:21 PM

i mainly like his older stuff

from before he was dead

4/22/2010 11:59:57 PM

"This is a picture of me when I was younger"

every picture is from when you were younger

"here's a picture of me when I was older"

You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... what's it look like?

4/23/2010 12:02:29 AM

^^

4/23/2010 4:12:22 AM

My belt tells others about my ass kicking ability. When you see me in the black one, betta step off.

4/23/2010 8:35:55 AM

Do you want a frozen banana?
No, but I want a regular banana later, so...yeah.

4/23/2010 8:44:44 AM

i still miffed i blew it when i had a ticket to see mitch

was at some party for empire poker vips hosted at one of the trump properties in ac, show at borgata... i got tanked at the bar (which was being guest bartended by 5 playmates lolz), leave to go to the show, realize i left my ticket at the party, get the cab to turn around, go back into the party to find that it had ended and they were clearing the tables, my ticket gone forever

however, the guys that did make it to the show said he was so incapacitated that stephen lynch essentially came out, carried him off the stage, and did a quasi half set different from his opener as to give the audience at least some kind of show

mitch was dead within 2 months after this

4/23/2010 8:45:45 AM