How can I have people follow directions and respect me without me being a dick to them?

10/27/2009 4:54:14 PM

You can't.

10/27/2009 4:55:42 PM

You can't

The first rule of being a boss is accepting that your subordinates are not going to be your friends

The best bosses act like your friend most of the time, but have no problem being an asshole when push comes to shove

10/27/2009 4:55:55 PM

lead



don't tell



get it?

10/27/2009 4:56:04 PM

Quote :

"The best bosses act like your friend most of the time, but have no problem being an asshole when push comes to shove"

yep, know when to be a dick and when not to be, be professional, your goal is to get the job fucking done, not coddle someones feelings

10/27/2009 4:58:36 PM

10/27/2009 4:59:31 PM

Quote :

"The best bosses act like your friend most of the time, but have no problem being an asshole when push comes to shove"

the very best bosses never act like your friend, and are assholes all the time, not just when push comes to shove

10/27/2009 5:00:37 PM

break them into nothing, be a total dick at first and make them feel worthless



then later u can be a little nice like giving them a raise and they totally respect you for it.

10/27/2009 5:01:24 PM

You could inspire them by your shining example, and be so much better at the job than they are that you are afforded a professional respect (but not so much better that they all begin to secretly resent you for it and plot your downfall).

Or you could go with the much simpler and more likely-to-work tactics that people have already mentioned.

10/27/2009 5:02:29 PM

I've found that (even though it's a pain in the ass, and time consuming) my subordinates respect me a lot more if I take the time to be honest and explain things (when it's possible )to them instead of merely dictating.

After enough time when your subordinates see that you 1) know what you're talking about and 2) are doing the things that you do for a reason, they really won't have a reason to question what you're doing.

Yeah, it's easier to just say "do what I say... not what I do. shut up, and just do it. I'm your boss". But that's going to lead to everyone seeing you as a dickhead.

It also speaks LEAGUES when employees see you doing shit for them. For example, one of the most difficult programs I've worked on, was also the most fun. That's because MY bosses saw us working hard... missing out on your personal life... so they took the extra step to do small things like go get us lunch during the day, otherwise we would be working 10 hour shifts with no time to eat.

10/27/2009 5:03:04 PM

10/27/2009 5:13:11 PM

I've found that most of MY subordinates really only care about pay and vacation. they know their talents are limited and quite frankly with the kind of enormous pressure we all find ourselves under it's silly to think their feelings should come first.

10/27/2009 5:21:14 PM

I always try to be nice, but I've learned that if you don't tell people what to do, sometimes it won't be done- and people don't like to be told what to do

10/27/2009 5:22:01 PM

case in point with what I said earlier

10/27/2009 5:24:50 PM

yeah- i responded before reading. I like your break down

10/27/2009 5:25:53 PM

Quote :

"I've found that most of MY subordinates really only care about pay and vacation."

Ding ding ding

10/27/2009 5:26:49 PM

All of my bosses are really nice and I wouldn't consider any of them to be a dick.

10/27/2009 5:30:24 PM

Lead by example.

Treat them with respect.

Don't be a hypocrite.

Don't be scared to do a little work you probably feel is beneath you once in awhile. Pretty much wherever you work it's a team effort. Show that despite your higher rank you're still a team player.

10/27/2009 5:32:10 PM

what i liked about my recent boss was he didn't micromanage me, lead by example, and had respect for my feelings when warranted (like funerals, family care, etc)

but at the same time, what i disliked about him most was his complete lack of communication until the last possible second (b/c he was somewhat a procrastinator in certain aspects of the job) which made him come off as a dick, and a stand offish persona otherwise (he was kind of a scrooge)

i'd say find that happy medium...but the good in my situation far outweighed those occasional times of "being a dick" so my advice is to go with that

[Edited on October 27, 2009 at 5:48 PM. Reason : ]

10/27/2009 5:45:44 PM

The biggest problem these days is that this guy. . .



. . .isn't running things. This guy probably is. . .



Let's Facebook and Twitter and shit! Cool--we'll be butt buddies!

10/27/2009 5:50:45 PM

1. realize that many, not most, but many, of the idiots that work for you are capable of doing your job almost as well as you

2. get your calls out of the way as early as possible, then get your hands dirty helping.

3. unless its part of your job description, checking your email once an hour should be sufficient

4. for crying out loud get your feet off your desk

5. if you've got a set lunch hour, once or twice a week sit with your people

6. dont wear sunglasses inside of a building, chew gum all the time or give orders with "can you do me a favor sport"

10/27/2009 6:13:54 PM

HAHA i swear my boss is about 40 for 50 right now with everyone's "don't"s

10/27/2009 6:16:50 PM

My techs told me that they didn't think it was fair they are being held accountable for screwing up.
I find a soda can in a room and she tells me "oh no, this isn't mine, I would have finished it."
I don't know how these people go home and function on a day-to-day basis.

10/27/2009 6:26:14 PM

Quote :

"Don't be scared to do a little work you probably feel is beneath you once in awhile. Pretty much wherever you work it's a team effort. Show that despite your higher rank you're still a team player."

We had a boss that everyone hated a while ago because he refused to do anything that he thought was beneath him. A good example was finding someone else, pulling them off of what they were doing, and ordering them to pick up a couple of cigarette butts even though he could have done it himself in about 10 seconds.

10/27/2009 7:14:22 PM

^^ that sounds petty. i found a bottle and half a burger king cup under a workstation on monday morning from the guy who was there saturday and i just tossed it. if you whine about petty stuff, you're never gonna get their attention when you need it.

10/27/2009 7:29:12 PM

I found an empty BK burger box sitting open on the vanity next to my roommate's toilet once.

No, that has nothing to do with leadership. Still ewwwwwww.

10/27/2009 7:32:21 PM

aha

and i thought i was messy sometimes. food never goes in my bathroom

10/27/2009 7:33:41 PM

Step one: Read The Art of War

Step two: ...

Step three: profit

10/27/2009 8:16:23 PM

10/27/2009 8:37:32 PM

Quote :

"Lead by example. Treat them with respect. Don't be a hypocrite. Don't be scared to do a little work you probably feel is beneath you once in awhile. Pretty much wherever you work it's a team effort. Show that despite your higher rank you're still a team player."

Don't take advice from someone who has never been a leader before

10/27/2009 8:43:38 PM

You don't have to be everyone's buddy--in fact, that isn't the best way if you are, in fact, senior to them (versus leading your peers).

You want them to do what you say because they respect you, trust your judgement, and want to please you.

Then, of course, there is that minority that just can't be reached, and you can assure them that you will fuck their world up if they don't play ball...but this isn't the way you want to treat the good apples which constitute the majority.

10/27/2009 8:43:53 PM

Quote :

"The best bosses act like your friend most of the time, but have no problem being an asshole when push comes to shove"

yep.

10/27/2009 8:45:52 PM

You can't want to make friends as a manager.

You have to do your job and ignore anything personal. That doesn't mean that you have to be a dick, you just have to be professional.

If you go in confident you will be respected, people want good leaders who know what they are doing. Do not dictate, explain. If you show people the value they will do what you ask and feel better about doing it. Get to know your subordinates and if you are able, talk them to lunch one on one occasionally.

As a manager you need to prove yourself on a constant basis and seek ways to inspire your subordinates.

10/27/2009 9:02:37 PM

i'm just leading a project at school right now and i can't get anyone to do anything unless i'm quasi mean about it. i try not to bitch AT them but just be like stern in what i say because if i treat them all friendly like, they won't respond to my e-mails (which is like our only way of communicating about the project due to busy schedules).

its annoying because i feel like i am nagging but if i send nice emails, i get no response. if i send stern emails, everyone responds with the quickness AND apologizes for being slow.

10/27/2009 9:33:10 PM

Quote :

"You can't The first rule of being a boss is accepting that your subordinates are not going to be your friends The best bosses act like your friend most of the time, but have no problem being an asshole when push comes to shove"

Well said. I hate my bosses who hang over my back all day at work. The best ones are the ones that say, "You know what you need to do. Make sure it is done before you leave." and then don't bother you the rest of the day.

10/27/2009 9:34:49 PM

To be the man, you've got to beat the man.

10/27/2009 9:39:00 PM

Abandon all hope and emotion, and forget that you may have ever had a soul. Become a corporate robot.

Obvious solution, here. A soulless automaton can't really be much of a dick.

10/27/2009 9:44:04 PM

Good managers don't have to ask

10/27/2009 9:47:29 PM

tl;dr:

Check this out

http://thoughtleadersllc.blogspot.com/2009/09/10-reasons-your-team-hates-you-they.html

--

Quote :

"The best bosses act like your friend most of the time, but have no problem being an asshole when push comes to shove"

Quote :

"I've found that (even though it's a pain in the ass, and time consuming) my subordinates respect me a lot more if I take the time to be honest and explain things (when it's possible )to them instead of merely dictating. After enough time when your subordinates see that you 1) know what you're talking about and 2) are doing the things that you do for a reason, they really won't have a reason to question what you're doing. Yeah, it's easier to just say "do what I say... not what I do. shut up, and just do it. I'm your boss". But that's going to lead to everyone seeing you as a dickhead. It also speaks LEAGUES when employees see you doing shit for them. For example, one of the most difficult programs I've worked on, was also the most fun. That's because MY bosses saw us working hard... missing out on your personal life... so they took the extra step to do small things like go get us lunch during the day, otherwise we would be working 10 hour shifts with no time to eat."

Quote :

"You want them to do what you say because they respect you, trust your judgement, and want to please you."

These. There are many, many books on leadership (I have 5 or more of the fuckers) but the biggest points I've come across are

-Respect
-Vision
-Confidence
-Sacrifice

When I lead, I attempt to connect with the people on some level, and certainly show them respect. Your people will much more gladly follow you when they respect you, and when they have confidence in your decision making. The best leader will be one who can relate very strongly with their subordinates.

My dad enlisted in the Marines before he was out of high school, and later became an officer. He was an exceptional leader partly because he knew where his enlisted guys where coming from and got them to respect him as a person and, because of that, followed his leadership. He was able to relate to them and be their friend at times, but he was definitely not one to be crossed and certainly knew how to regulate in order to get what he needed his guys to do. To this day he still has Marines come up to him and say how they were in his squadron years ago, and he has no idea who they are. To have that sort of influence is very indicative in how strong of a bond you need to develop in order to get the best results out of your team.

In order to get respect of your people, there are several things you need to do. In this book, the top six:

-Natural Leadership Ability - People will want to follow you, listen to you, be around you. You cannot simply rely on this alone, though.

-Respect for others - When you show respect for others, you gain their respect, and people want to follow those that they respect greatly. I like this quote, that is the pattern of gaining respect and leadershpi:

Quote :

"When people respect you as a person, they admire you. When they respect you as a friend, they love you. When they respect you as a leader, they follow you"

-Courage - This often goes by "putting your neck on the line" or "going up to bat for others". EMCE recently made a thread about doing this for his own people. To get an idea, I like this quote:

Quote :

"A leader does not deserve the name unless he is willing occasionally to stand alone"

-Success - People are naturally drawn to success. They respect others' accomplishments, and that also boils down to them having confidence, for one, where you've gone and what you've done, and where you are going.

-Loyalty - Being able to show your team that you will go up to bat for them and will be there to the end will let them put more trust into your abilities, such that you won't abandon them when the next big opportunity comes up.

-Value added to others - This boils down to 'pay it forward', where you ensure that your people will gain some value from their actions. Be it bonuses, benefit packages, or helping them in times of need. Your people will gladly do their jobs when they know it is going for some purpose, and you can answer the question Are you making things better for the people who follow you?

I love learning about leadership, been in a program for 3, 4? years now based on it. Have plenty of books, but I hate taking the time to read them . If you're interested and can read, here are the better ones we've been studying:

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership
The 360 degree Leader
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

and the new one, I haven't cracked it yet but its supposed to be good:

Greater than Yourself.

This post is kinda jumbled and puked out thoughts, since I'm busy with other stuff, but its what I think of at least when I need to take charge of a group.

10/27/2009 10:34:38 PM

Cultivate a predecessor. You won't have your job forever. You'll outgrow your role and be promoted, so start developing your employees so that they can be strong leaders who can grow into bigger roles.

10/27/2009 10:47:27 PM

you gotta be a dick. just read "The Prince" it'll tell you everything you need to know about being a leader

10/27/2009 10:49:33 PM

-No matter what you do, you will never, ever make everyone happy.

-There is a big difference between being professional, and being a dick. Figure it out, and try to always stick with being professional. Even so, understand that you will eventually have to be a dick to someone. This is unavoidable.

-Respect your subordinates. Most of them aren't stupid. Some of them are likely smarter than you. Give them a task, give them a time frame, then let them accomplish it. If they consistently can't deliver on this, then get in behind them and figure out why. Don't try to fix the machine before you set it loose a couple of times.

-Lead by example. Work hard, work long, be the best. Be the first in, and the last to leave.

-Help. When someone under you comes and asks for help, stop what you're doing, shut the fuck up, listen, understand the problem and help. Make them the priority. Don't give them a half-ass answer, or drop a clue, and then go tell them to figure it out. We're a culture of do-it-ourselfers, and we are conditioned to hate asking for help. So for someone to swallow their pride and speak up, they're really looking for help. Don't ever be a dick here.

-Say please and thank you. If fact, dig up an article on manners and read it. Apply said manners to your office interactions.

-If you've taken care of everything you need to get done, ask your team how you can help them. Be genuine. At the same time, know when to give your team space. They need their own time to themselves, and you need to know when to disappear and give it to them.

-Do not, ever.. ever ever ever ever ever ever ever, show favoritism or flirt with the opposite gender. Ever. This is suicide. Once Pandora's box is opened, you can not close it.

[Edited on October 27, 2009 at 11:03 PM. Reason : .]

10/27/2009 11:03:19 PM

if you have balls, you don't have to be a dick

10/27/2009 11:04:05 PM

http://www.ncsu.edu/csleps/

[Edited on October 27, 2009 at 11:07 PM. Reason : sp]

10/27/2009 11:07:39 PM

im not a dick to the people working under me. i outwork them and do a better job consistently and they have respect for that. sometimes they get lazy, but motivation gets them working harder than being a cunt.


show up first and leave last. dont take sick days, even if youre sick. your personal problems have to vanish when you show up. im always in a good mood and approachable and i get alot of honesty from them. ^^^ nailed it



[Edited on October 27, 2009 at 11:19 PM. Reason : .]

10/27/2009 11:12:56 PM

all professionals are dicks

10/27/2009 11:15:50 PM

http://www.ncsu.edu/csleps/

is something I want to get into. Apparently all you have to do is go to like, four classes, and you get certified with something you can put on your resume

10/27/2009 11:26:22 PM

you pay them?

[Edited on October 27, 2009 at 11:30 PM. Reason : ^the least i've seen for one of the leadership program certificates is 10 workshops]

10/27/2009 11:27:46 PM

Quote :

"Cultivate a predecessor. You won't have your job forever. You'll outgrow your role and be promoted, so start developing your employees so that they can be strong leaders who can grow into bigger roles."

I think you meant successor.

10/27/2009 11:29:17 PM

god this thread is retarded.

10/27/2009 11:32:27 PM