Thinking about proposing to my SO, and she has stated several times that she doesn't an expensive ring or a diamond, but does want some kind of ring.

I think she'd like an emerald or something like that...something smallish but important to her (birthstone, etc.).

But, most of the people I know got a diamond for an engagement ring...and it's kinda customary.

A) How often is a diamond engagement ring an option and people get something else instead.

B) Is this some she-trick/test, where they say they don't want something but they really do?

11/11/2009 4:43:30 PM

message_topic.aspx?topic=459442&page=22

wow 22 whole pages

11/11/2009 4:44:06 PM

uhhhhh, clearly a test...... dont fuck this up man.

get her the biggest diamond you can afford. trust me it will not bite you in the ass. her friends telling her about the sweet (sarcasm) ruby she has on her finger is going to get you in a lot of trouble

11/11/2009 4:45:17 PM

Engagement rings don't have to be diamonds in Europe...

My mom's is a sapphire

11/11/2009 5:25:07 PM

^^

11/11/2009 5:26:28 PM

If she's the type to tell you one thing and mean another don't buy her any ring of any type

If she's the type to say what she means, get her what she wants

Diamonds have only been "important" or "crucial" to these rituals for less than a hundred years iirc. The diamond trade in general is unethical. Go with what you both feel is right -- consider synthetic diamonds as well as they're literally the same fucking thing with the added benefit of not killing a bunch of Africans for the sake of some stupid American house bitch

11/11/2009 5:35:28 PM

my mom's engagement ring wasn't a diamond.

11/11/2009 5:35:57 PM

11/11/2009 5:37:16 PM

seriously if this is a trap you would be an idiot to marry this girl

so think of it this way: getting her what she claimed to want is a relatively inexpensive way to figure out if you should dispose of her

11/11/2009 5:38:53 PM

you could do small diamond side stones with the emerald as the main stone. That way you both win

11/11/2009 6:00:21 PM

a nice emerald can be pretty expensive and as stated above not as strong as a diamond.

11/11/2009 10:28:18 PM

i don't like emeralds. not that my opinion matters. i just think there are prettier alternative stones.

i know someone with emeralds in their wedding ring and i just think it is ugly.

no offense.

if i had a diamond alternative (i say had because it doesn't matter anyway since i'll never get engaged!) i would choose sapphire. but that is just meeeee.

11/11/2009 10:30:57 PM

DON'T DO IT MAN

11/11/2009 10:32:02 PM

Quote :

"If she's the type to tell you one thing and mean another buy her a diamond If she's the type to say what she means, get her what she wants "

People get all kinds of rings; you always get your girl what she wants.

[Edited on November 11, 2009 at 10:35 PM. Reason : .]

11/11/2009 10:34:04 PM

make sure the alternative stone is a very hard gem

11/11/2009 10:34:24 PM

yum

11/11/2009 10:35:03 PM

he hasn't said what kind of girl she is so it's too early to start pickin rings for her.

11/11/2009 10:36:12 PM

If she doesn't want the diamond then don't buy her a diamond. Just make really fucking sure that she doesn't want one before you buy anything.

11/11/2009 10:41:04 PM

My wife asked for a synthetic diamond and she meant it. But her being so rational, especially for a woman, is one of the things I love about her. It's completely flawless, equivalent to the most expensive grade of diamond, and it costs less than one of the low grade ones, and its made with high payed American technician labor, not African slave wage workers.

11/11/2009 10:49:32 PM

get her what she asks for. If you are to the point of proposing, by now you should know whether or not she is the type to say one thing and mean another.

Quote :

"you could do small diamond side stones with the emerald as the main stone. That way you both win"

that sounds nice.

11/11/2009 11:32:11 PM

khcadwal - why would you never get engaged?

11/12/2009 6:39:50 AM

when she says she doesn't need to have a diamond engagement ring, what she's probably saying is that she'd like a larger ring/style than what she knows you can afford in a diamond...that another stone would suffice.

either way, you're better off having her pick it out. No guy I've ever dated has picked out clothes or jewelry for me without it being completely wrong. I would air on the side of caution and just have her help to pick it out!

11/12/2009 7:54:30 AM

Quote :

"A) How often is a diamond engagement ring an option and people get something else instead."

if i hadn't gotten my fiancée's mother's diamond to put in the engagement ring, i would have gotten a sapphire or a blue topaz (seriously)...she was very adamant about not wanting a diamond...obviously this was an exception because it's more than just a stone, it's now a family piece and i know she's happier with this than she would have been with ANY other stone (diamond, sapphire, whatever)

Quote :

"B) Is this some she-trick/test, where they say they don't want something but they really do?"

depends on how well you know her...there is no doubt in my mind that my fiancée wanted a sapphire or blue topaz (her reasoning being that we're very active outdoors and she was afraid that she'd lose it or it would get trashed or something and didn't want a precious stone in there) and had her mother said no for any reason (not that i was concerned about that), a sapphire or blue topaz is exactly what she would have gotten and i know she would have loved it

[Edited on November 12, 2009 at 8:09 AM. Reason : .]

11/12/2009 8:08:31 AM

natural non-heat treated sapphires can easily be as much as their diamond weight equivalent so dont think that is a cheap one.

Quote :

"make sure the alternative stone is a very hard gem"

is right. ruby, sapphire, diamond, cz and moissanite are the only stones hard enough for daily wear. i got a soft gemstone engagement ring and despite non-constant wear and being careful, i have already had to have some pretty major work done on it.


I am thinking about getting a moissanite or cz in a nice setting so people can ooh and aah and i dont feel so worried about my ring, but it seems that the price of the setting is a lot steeper than its diamond equivalent. sigh

11/12/2009 9:00:51 AM

Good range of advice so far...thanks.

She's a pretty down to earth girl that usually tells it like it is, but a topic this big could be a trap I feel like.

I'll talk with her a little more and make sure what she wants, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to help pick it out, and no family is within driving distance.

11/12/2009 9:18:44 AM

my birthstone is a diamond so my s.o. is fucked either way if he proposes to me.

11/12/2009 9:19:58 AM

She says she doesn't want a diamond, but you'll regret it if you don't get her one.



[Edited on November 12, 2009 at 9:34 AM. Reason : http://www.ziamond.com/]

11/12/2009 9:32:39 AM

Quote :

"consider synthetic diamonds as well as they're literally the same fucking thing with the added benefit of not killing a bunch of Africans for the sake of some stupid American house bitch"

Everyone wants to bitch about Africans getting killed but I like to think of it as giving jobs to people who otherwise would not have one.

Quote :

"either way, you're better off having her pick it out. No guy I've ever dated has picked out clothes or jewelry for me without it being completely wrong. I would air on the side of caution and just have her help to pick it out!"

I would agree with this entire statement. It's tough on us dudes to actually pick something out that they like. BTW, I do not agree with that spelling of err.

11/12/2009 9:49:36 AM

err mcnair

11/12/2009 10:21:38 AM

err Jordan

11/12/2009 10:24:01 AM

11/12/2009 10:42:16 AM

If she says she doesn't want a diamond, don't get her a diamond. Remember that she is going to be wearing this ring every single day for the rest of her life, give her what she wants.

As a side note, i have been hearing a lot about "stunt double engagement rings" where there is a ring made with a fake stone in a cheaper setting (think silver instead of platinum) that is either exactly like or very similar to the real engagement ring. This way, the real ring can be kept safe from every day wear and tear and/or getting lost during hiking or the like. I think this is a great idea of women who are into sports or whose every day activities are very hard on jewelry.

11/12/2009 11:01:02 AM

Quote :

"Everyone wants to bitch about Africans getting killed but I like to think of it as giving jobs to people who otherwise would not have one."

you can't be fucking serious

11/12/2009 11:04:15 AM

Blood Diamonds Justifications ITT.

11/12/2009 11:13:14 AM

i mean, how else would those people make money? leo is a good actor and all but im not convinced

11/12/2009 11:14:56 AM

if i repeat "are you serious" enough will you eventually reflect a little bit

11/12/2009 11:17:10 AM

what is your counterpoint?

convince me that i am not serious

11/12/2009 11:27:08 AM

not in the mood i was just curious what you were capable of

11/12/2009 11:37:32 AM

well when you get the energy to bring up a good point against my argument i will be ready to listen

11/12/2009 11:38:54 AM

Quote :

"My wife asked for a synthetic diamond and she meant it. But her being so rational, especially for a woman, is one of the things I love about her. It's completely flawless, equivalent to the most expensive grade of diamond, and it costs less than one of the low grade ones, and its made with high payed American technician labor, not African slave wage workers."

Well played.

11/12/2009 11:40:12 AM

i have no argument against synthetic diamonds except for that i will always know that i payed less and it is a cheap ring. the real question is, can jewelers recognize a synthetic? if not, why not buy synthetic and sell them to diamond stores?

11/12/2009 11:47:07 AM

jewelers can't identify a synthetic because they're literally the same fucking thing iirc

11/12/2009 11:50:05 AM

i mean thats what i figure but wouldnt a jeweler be like, "this diamond is too perfect"

11/12/2009 11:50:58 AM

William Boyajian, president of the Gemological Institute of America: "Synthetic diamonds are easy for a professional jeweler to identify. We don't see synthetics penetrating the marketplace since gem-quality synthetic diamonds are still rare."

Both synthetic and naturally occurring diamonds are 100 percent carbon. On the atomic level, natural diamonds can include paired nitrogen atoms, while synthetics have single nitrogen atoms. Because of the presence of unpaired nitrogen, synthetics tend to have a yellowish hue. Sometimes this can be seen with the naked eye. However, natural yellow diamonds do exist. Synthetics frequently include metal, such as nickel, iron and titanium, which are used either as catalysts during the diamond-making process or to absorb the nitrogen.

Naturally occurring diamonds are about 900 million to 3.5 billion years old. Synthetics have been made since the 1950s for industrial use. In 1970, the first gem-quality synthetic was produced. Stephen Haggerty thinks natural diamonds contain carbon from meteorites. Synthetics, on the other hand, begin with a diamond "seed," which can be a shard of a fully formed synthetic diamond. Special infrared microscopy detectors can identify man-made diamonds. DeBeers, which controls the world's diamond market, uses a patented instrument called Diamond Sure.

11/12/2009 11:55:39 AM

k i'm wrong then

but what person can tell by looking

11/12/2009 12:11:13 PM

get a gemesis diamond (based in florida, IIRC)...$15k yellow diamonds made for less than $100, incredibly difficult to tell from real...in fact, i'm pretty sure you have to use a specialized infrared microscopy machine to tell the difference (it has to be tuned to look for certain markers, i believe)...in any case, your average jeweler CANNOT tell the difference

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/11.09/diamond.html

http://www.gemesis.com/

carlyle in greensboro carries them, i think

[Edited on November 12, 2009 at 12:41 PM. Reason : .]

11/12/2009 12:37:51 PM

^ This is Americuuhhhh. We like blue diamonds not that nasty yellow junk they sell in the middle east.

11/12/2009 12:41:38 PM

Quote :

"nasty yellow junk"

ah, you mean the most highly-prized diamonds in world?

i agree, though...if i want a yellow stone, i'll get a yellow topaz and then make a face at it

11/12/2009 12:45:52 PM

red white and blue diamonds for me man. i mean shit if you dont like that you can get out

11/12/2009 1:08:24 PM