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 Message Boards » » Another [blog] fecal in origin Page [1]  
paerabol
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I arrive at work Saturday at 5pm, and by 5:15pm I have allowed some cute girl at the bar to dare me into chugging a bottle of Cholula sauce. Initial experience is flaccid at best, but my customers needn't know this as I bask in their collective adulation and incredulity.

An hour passes, a mild discomfort beset my stomach but it proved something I would dismiss easily as the familiar warmth of a good shot of whiskey.

This continues until the first wave of evacuation suddenly accosts my colon. I spend the next half-hour glued to my toilet as I beg the gods to extinguish the raging inferno in my sphincter. I return to work with bittersweet relief, for though I now feel somewhat better I know it is only the beginning.

Fast-forward to 3:30am, I am yet again anchored to the ladies' toilet and beseeching my exhausted abdominals to exorcise the remaining demons from my colon. I begin to realize my ordeal is far from over and I shift to a more proactive course of action.

I interrupt the session, finish closing the bar, and head straight to Harris Teeter. My twisted bowel leads me like a witching stick directly to my alleged salvation. I have never taken a laxative, but if it's anything like that classic scene in Dumb and Dumber I figure I may be in for a treat. Imagine my disappointment when I find nothing but pills acting in 6-12 hours.

I must look rather ridiculous at 4am tearing open my box of laxative in the middle of the store like a kid on Christmas morning, but outward impressions are of secondary import by this point. I have crested the climax of my narrative and now eagerly await my sweet denouement.



To be continued.

11/22/2009 5:26:23 AM

0EPII1
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11/22/2009 5:30:12 AM

vinylbandit
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the key to trick eating/drinking

is to vomit soon afterwards

i was taught this by a former sideshow performer

who routinely drinks bottles of crazy stuff (like malt vinegar) for tips at bars

11/22/2009 7:42:52 AM

dweedle
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diction sounds too Slave Famousy

11/22/2009 10:10:11 AM

Optimum
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Quote :
"the raging inferno in my sphincter"


lawl

11/22/2009 10:15:18 AM

begonias
warning: not serious
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why did you use the ladies bathroom?

11/22/2009 10:17:21 AM

69
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you gotta get the suppositories man, they work in like 10 min, as long as you dont mind sticking your finger up your ass

11/22/2009 10:22:23 AM

JayMCnasty
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Quote :
"beseeching my exhausted abdominals to exorcise the remaining demons from my colon"


lol

11/22/2009 10:54:10 AM

JCASHFAN
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10/10 would read again

11/22/2009 11:33:42 AM

thumper
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updates?

11/22/2009 11:39:28 AM

Optimum
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he hasn't posted in a while. two possibilities:

(1) he passed out

(2) his rectum exploded

11/22/2009 11:40:18 AM

thumper
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Quote :
"you gotta get the suppositories man, they work in like 10 min, as long as you dont mind sticking your finger up your ass"


and yeah, what he said.

11/22/2009 11:40:25 AM

BIGcementpon
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Sounds like a shitty situation . I hope the cute girl tipped you well enough to make up for your pain.

Quote :
"why did you use the ladies bathroom?"

Probably because he had already cleaned the Men's room?

11/22/2009 3:08:30 PM

Doc Rambo IV
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^That or who would want to use the guy's shitter at a bar at 3:30am?

11/22/2009 3:20:55 PM

paerabol
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Well, after an uninterrupted night's sleep a dull stomach ache produced a dishearteningly pedestrian series of visits to the restroom. My ordeal seems to be drawing to a close, leaving me with naught but a nutrient deficiency and a wish that I'd eschewed my male instincts and gone with the aloe-infused Cottonelle.



Now, for a Q&A forum!


Quote :
"the key to trick eating/drinking

is to vomit soon afterwards"


Quote :
"you gotta get the suppositories man, they work in like 10 min, as long as you dont mind sticking your finger up your ass"


I didn't know there was so much missed potential for pleasure in this!



^, ^^ Little of A, little of B.

11/22/2009 4:35:27 PM

mdbncsu
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live and learn man, live and learn

11/22/2009 4:57:37 PM

paerabol
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well this thread made it squarely into page 2 of my topics and noone mentioned the mars volta reference

11/25/2009 2:00:23 PM

evan
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it did not go unnoticed.

11/25/2009 2:02:43 PM

paerabol
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i know i can always count on you to come through in any intellectual pursuit

11/25/2009 2:07:02 PM

evan
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i know i can always count on you to come

11/25/2009 3:20:34 PM

rtc407
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I knew the worst wouldn't be the chugging, but the aftermath. I still wouldn't have done it

11/25/2009 3:28:33 PM

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