Old people/crazy family members ask the most invasive/inappropriate/embarassing questions, such as:

"When are you going to find a husband?"

"Why don't you date your nice cousin, James?"

"Why don't you marry our neighbor's boy so we can merge the farms?"

"Are you sure you want to drink that glass of wine? People who drink wine are snooty."



Ahhhhhhh

Plz share yours. I could use a laugh.

11/26/2009 7:56:47 AM

my little cousin and i used to get soooo irritated when people would say "youre next" when someone got engaged or married. she came up with the brilliant idea to say the same thing to them when someone died.


we havent been bothered since.

11/26/2009 7:58:37 AM

^ omg that's awesome. I might steal that

11/26/2009 8:13:30 AM

Ahaha I love that!

11/26/2009 9:14:03 AM

hahaha it's my little cousins thinking.

you should hear the stuff she says.
she's a little ball of wit that one.


her and my uncle were driving one day, shortly after she was 16 (she's only 18 now). and my uncle joked about how bad of driver she was. i think she may have pulled out in front of a car and my uncle remarked
"Ariel, the longer I live the bigger your inheritance gets"
she replied
"Yeah but the sooner you die the quicker I get it"


pwn

11/26/2009 9:44:11 AM

hook
line
stinker

11/26/2009 9:45:48 AM

Quote :

""Why don't you date your nice cousin, James?""

hahahaha

11/26/2009 9:50:59 AM

Quote :

""When are you going to find a husband?" "Why don't you date your nice cousin, James?" "Why don't you marry our neighbor's boy so we can merge the farms?" "Are you sure you want to drink that glass of wine? People who drink wine are snooty.""

I'm pretty sure we've got some crazy like that on one side of our family. Now, I'm also fairly certain that not only are most of those folks dead now, but they also are not invited to our family functions. When times were better we hung out with family last year. Then... I had to go to the ER again for a stomach bug from somebody's horribly sick little girl. That's about as awkward as the holidays get for me. See, last time I figured out that if I just start getting trashed I am not clever enough to say anything dumb that will get me in trouble AND that other people will start to get trashed with me so they don't start to talk about how I don't have a girlfriend/wife because they are also deep into the non-clever zone.

Ha, I think the only time I hung out with our crazy relatives like that was when I was a young kid. Like 7-9 years old or so. After that we just started regularly attending all these funerals... Yeah we haven't had much to go to since then.

11/26/2009 10:00:08 AM

Going to be plenty of awkward holiday conversations later

If you guys think I'm a fucking troll, where do you think I get it from? My dad's going to be trolling my face with a bunch of conservative horseshit later while I'm trapped at the table

11/26/2009 10:02:48 AM

^ I'm excited to listen to the conservative horseshit. It's great entertainment.

Quote :

"if I just start getting trashed I am not clever enough to say anything dumb that will get me in trouble AND that other people will start to get trashed with me so they don't start to talk about how I don't have a girlfriend/wife because they are also deep into the non-clever zone. "

Nice tactic. So ... perhaps I should rufie Grandma.

She always assumes that since I'm single, I'm a lesbian. Her words, verbatim: "Lucy, I just want to make sure you're not missing out on the joys of male companionship. There are things they can do that women just ... can't."



[Edited on November 26, 2009 at 10:05 AM. Reason : .]

11/26/2009 10:04:21 AM

Looking forward to my trolling crazy conservative christian right uncle, and my inappropriate questions aunt later today...


I'm just beside myself w/ joy over the health care debate that will be started over my grandmother asking an innocent question, probably about my aunt's mother. YEE HAW!

[Edited on November 26, 2009 at 10:08 AM. Reason : ]

11/26/2009 10:05:44 AM

^^ Haha, ok be aware that the tactic only works on certain people. A lot of people start to get drunk and actually get themselves in trouble. It requires the right group of people to work.

11/26/2009 10:08:30 AM

Drinking for me wouldn't work. My urge to stay quiet would go away, and I'd stir shit up.

11/26/2009 10:09:44 AM

I never understood why people can't just relax and have a decent time on the holidays

11/26/2009 10:10:12 AM

My parents are a bit older, so they're always on about how they'll never see grandkids since I'm not married and don't have a GF.


I mean damn, CAN A PLAYA JUST LIVE?

11/26/2009 10:10:16 AM

i'm looking forward to having this subject come up

message_topic.aspx?topic=581864

11/26/2009 10:10:43 AM

We're nicer after the booze. We just wrestle and shoot things.

11/26/2009 10:11:13 AM

OH LOOK A BABY COW

BANG

11/26/2009 10:12:42 AM

i like the drink and wrestle approach to be honest

then again if i drank before i wrestled how would i be able to control my herculean strength?

11/26/2009 10:14:42 AM

Quote :

"Why don't you date your nice cousin, James?"

i lost my drink at this

11/26/2009 10:18:48 AM

LOL

11/26/2009 10:19:28 AM

^^^ That's the challenge. You wouldn't believe how many times I've seriously injured eleusis. Piledriver ftw.

^^ He's my second cousin. And it's legal to marry your first cousin in NC. That's why I have no excuse to reject him.

[Edited on November 26, 2009 at 10:20 AM. Reason : .]

11/26/2009 10:19:35 AM

I know how you feel Lucy. I get these gems from my mom:

"I know you're busy, so if you had a baby I'd take care of it"

"I'm getting old and I'd really like to have a grandchild"

my response: "sorry ma, you raised me Catholic which means anal only until marriage"

for a while I got the "if you're a lesbian that's OK" thing, but that didn't last long (and I stopped playing softball)

11/26/2009 10:23:47 AM

The anal rebuttal is awesome.

The lesbian thing ended for me stopped after I quit rugby and the feminist organization. I'm always suspicious of softball players.

Luckily, when my dad whines about not having grandkids, I can just point to my brother and deflect the guilt trip.

11/26/2009 10:27:14 AM

Quote :

"I know you're busy, so if you had a baby I'd take care of it"

i think i hear this every weekend

11/26/2009 10:33:29 AM

I'm glad my parents and their current respective spouses aren't drama-loving crazy people with pre-conceived notions of how i should live my life.

That way we can concentrate on the important things.

Like gettin our food, booze and football on.

11/26/2009 10:38:53 AM

it hasn't happened yet but it will:

my dad's side of the family is at my place right now. my 16 year old cousin is wearing a silver cross his girlfriend gave him.

if anyone hasn't figured it out by now, we're Jewish.

I'm waiting for my grandpa to just erupt in anger, but I don't think he's noticed yet. My grandpa is a huge, intimidating man, and I wouldn't want to be on his bad side

there will be a shouting match, followed by all of my dad's siblings saying how much better their kids are because they would never do such a thing.

then my twice-divorced aunt will get really drunk and scare off the guy she's been dating the past year, who was probably planning on proposing soon.

yay family gatherings

11/26/2009 10:43:53 AM

ugh just got a call from my ma

she was going on about her usual crap, and I just said "hey... that hurts my feelings"

her response: "oh whatever, you have to have feelings for them to be hurt, and you have nothing"

OUCH

cunt.

11/26/2009 10:44:47 AM

It's true

you're cold as ICE

11/26/2009 10:48:08 AM

mazur if you have a video camera please show us what its like

11/26/2009 10:49:21 AM

^^^ Damn, son!

I guess my awkward holiday conversations would be my brother and I trying to make my step mom as uncomfortable as possible. It's a challenge between he and I to see who can make her the most :carlface:/.

So far, I'm ahead. I don't hold anything back from her. All nasty details are included.

[Edited on November 26, 2009 at 10:50 AM. Reason : carats]

11/26/2009 10:49:56 AM

Quote :

""Lucy, I just want to make sure you're not missing out on the joys of male companionship. There are things they can do that women just ... can't.""

this brought the lolz

^^my sister and i are the only ones out of 10 grandchildren that are dating other Jews right now. Grandpa bought everyone else a copy of a book called "Why Marry Jewish?"



[Edited on November 26, 2009 at 10:53 AM. Reason : -]

11/26/2009 10:51:01 AM

my dad is telling us all that any male wearing a hoodie must be ~

11/26/2009 10:51:52 AM

eh, the most i will have to deal with is a little talk of politics that i don't agree with.

my family is aware that i have no business trying to get married or procreating any time soon.

11/26/2009 10:52:52 AM

all of my awkward holiday conversations start the same way

random family member says, "so, how are you doing?"

11/26/2009 10:55:03 AM

Quote :

"I know you're busy, so if you had a baby I'd take care of it"

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that gets this. A few years ago my mom was bugging me about when she was going to have grandkids (I was 22 and single at the time). I told her I'd have a baby for her, but she had to raise it. I was all when she actually contemplated that for a minute or two.

11/26/2009 11:08:07 AM

desegregation

having mixed babys

11/26/2009 11:21:42 AM

i'm about to head to deemarie's

awkwardness will ensue

11/26/2009 11:31:37 AM

Quote :

"my dad is telling us all that any male wearing a hoodie must be ~"

I had no clue people thought that, I wear hoodies all the time.

11/26/2009 11:32:03 AM

My dad's all:

Quote :

"DONT GET MARRIED TILL YOU'RE 30"

but then he's like

Quote :

"I'M NEVER GONNA SEE GRANDKIDS"

he knows I'm not gonna go get some random bitch preggers.







so I guess what I'm saying here is, would any of you ladies getting pressure from your parents to make babies like to work out an arrangement?

we'll get to have all the fun of making them, and then we can push all the caretaking duties off on them.



[Edited on November 26, 2009 at 11:32 AM. Reason : crazycode fail]

11/26/2009 11:32:30 AM

whenever we spent holidays with the ex's family it was never awkward... we both had pretty drama-free families. more accurately we come from families who hid the drama well. i feel like all this drama in my family that's surfacing now has been bubbling under the surface for years though i'm just seeing it now

11/26/2009 11:33:23 AM

I'm thankful I don't feel any particular obligation to my family at this stage in my life. My parents are healthy and still young and they know that if they piss me off enough I'll simply quit talking to them till they get their shit straight.

11/26/2009 11:33:57 AM

our drama is always before the holidays, trying to decide who is going where and when. My sis and I have two sets of parents, she has in-laws now and her own baby, I live three hours west of them, grandma lives three hours east, can't drive, and hates to have someone pick her up, my fiance has two sets of parents as well, plus we always have to go see the senile grandma who lives an hour north, i've been around over a year and she has never met me because she refuses to come out of her bedroom during any holiday function.

11/26/2009 11:36:42 AM

Quote :

"so I guess what I'm saying here is, would any of you ladies getting pressure from your parents to make babies like to work out an arrangement? we'll get to have all the fun of making them, and then we can push all the caretaking duties off on them."

I'd totally be down if it didn't involve me actually *having* the baby. that shit looks painful.

11/26/2009 11:39:06 AM

My cousins haven't come over yet, apparently b/c my 19 y/o female cousin is taking forever to get ready. My mom is like "She's probably trying to impress you!" Just fucking shoot me right now.

11/26/2009 11:43:37 AM

TenaciousC is DTF ITT

11/26/2009 11:43:47 AM

^ ahaha, I guess that did come across that way.

11/26/2009 11:45:22 AM

who else? I gots plenty to go around.


kiljadn is also DTF ITT

11/26/2009 11:46:26 AM

Quote :

"I had no clue people thought that, I wear hoodies all the time. "

yeah me too. my dad is being especially assholish today

11/26/2009 11:54:51 AM

Glad I don't have to see my extended family.

Otherwise I'd get a lotta "So what're gonna do with that English degree? You gonna be a teacher? Why do you need two master's degrees?"

11/26/2009 11:55:23 AM