Yesterday, during an interview I was asked a question that threw me for a loop. This was like my 7th interview in 3 days, so I had gotten into what I felt was a good rhythm, and left each round feeling pretty damn good about myself. I was warned that this particular guy was a little off the wall, but the question that caught me off guard was

Tell me something about yourself you don't want me to know.


I immediately thought, durrrr why would I tell you if I don't want you to know? Well, I couldn't really come up with anything really good, so my weak ass answer was "This is my first time interviewing for a job in 7 years."

I didn't like that answer at all, but what the hell was I gonna say?

I spend a quarter of my workday on TWW
I've buried only three hookers in my backyard
If I was a manager, I would never hire someone with a UNC degree

Anyway, that sorta threw me off of my game. He also dropped a "If you could be any animal, what would you be?" What was this-- a college scholarship interview? Other than those two, there weren't any really bizarre questions, but his line of questioning was a really different style of questioning, that really seemed to have no point besides trying to see how I would react, rather than actually trying to find out anything about me, my experience, or skills.

Hours later, I wanted that question back, because I came up with what I thought would have been the perfect fuck-you-for-asking-dickhead-questions response:

My daughter's been really sick for the last three days with a 104 fever. My wife is a medical resident who doesn't have the ability to stay home when she or our daughter is sick. However, because I had this interview today, she stayed home with our daughter knowing full well that she would catch a lot of heat from the hospital about it, and have a lot of people unhappy with her. I didn't want you to know because I'm not a believer in making my problems your problems, but I'm telling you because you asked.

Anyway, what would your answer have been. Funny/snarky answers are more than welcome. This is shit chat.

TWW is a blog.

1/16/2010 8:43:15 AM

I hate questions like that in an interview. Ranks up there with "What's your weakest point?"

"Hmm.... my weakest point is I like to fuck strippers in the back of cars and then beat their brains out with a crowbar."

1/16/2010 8:53:55 AM

damn i woulda listed that as a strength

1/16/2010 8:59:57 AM

i am reading catch-22

1/16/2010 9:01:08 AM

You moving on from Cisco or is it an internal interview process?

I'm pretty sure if I got asked that in an interview, I'd clam up then utter some nervous laugh grumbling about the Schrodinger cat of questions.

1/16/2010 9:56:47 AM

i would've replied with "I hate stupid interview questions."

i also wouldn't have got the job

1/16/2010 9:58:59 AM

i think this one:

If I was a manager, I would never hire someone with a UNC degree

is pretty funny

1/16/2010 10:00:17 AM

Hmmm...

Quote :

"Tell me something about yourself you don't want me to know."

I want them to bring flogging back for crimes, especially crimes against other people or living things.

Quote :

"If you could be any animal, what would you be?"

A wolf. They're cool, they aren't on the bottom of the food chain, you get to sleep most of the day, and your life is short enough and simple enough that you get to experience everything in your little world by the time that you die without being caught up in all the petty concerns that bother humans.

[Edited on January 16, 2010 at 10:05 AM. Reason : I'm willing to bet this guy is not the final say in whether you get hired.]

1/16/2010 10:05:19 AM

"I don't give a shit what company I work at, I'm only interviewing here because you have dangled the promise of a job in my face. I could be interviewing with one of your competitors for all I care. It makes no difference. I will work hard for you all the same, but all I really want is a paycheck."

1/16/2010 10:09:48 AM

How many pennies do you have in your pocket?

1/16/2010 10:11:50 AM

you should have said


"Obi Wan never told you the truth...




"I...





























....am your father!"

--

also favorite animal: animal from the muppets

1/16/2010 10:14:24 AM

Quote :

"Tell me something about yourself you don't want me to know."

in your best hank hill voice:
you giblet head! that is the stupidest cot-dang question i've ever heard! i ought to kick your ass!

1/16/2010 2:07:10 PM

If someone asked me that right now it would be:

I'm planning on moving to the beach, so hopefully I won't be here very long.

1/16/2010 2:17:33 PM

Quote :

"Tell me something about yourself you don't want me to know."

Did you know that women can masturbate while sitting in a chair, just by wiggling around the right way? I could be doing it now and you wouldn't know. *seductive look*

Quote :

"If you could be any animal, what would you be?"

a shark

with a laser

1/16/2010 3:03:36 PM

Quote :

"Tell me something about yourself you don't want me to know."

When I was 6 years old, I showed the girl across the street my penis in an "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" pact.

She told her mother, and when her mother and my mother confronted me about it, I vehemently denied it, and they believed me.

I've never told anyone else about this, except for you, just now.

So, in summation: I been trickin' on bitches since I was 6 years old.

Quote :

"If you could be any animal, what would you be?"

A party one.

[Edited on January 16, 2010 at 3:28 PM. Reason : .]

1/16/2010 3:28:19 PM

Quote :

""Tell me something about yourself you don't want me to know.""

i staunchly believe that rape is a victimless crime

1/16/2010 3:33:50 PM

Quote :

"Tell me something about yourself you don't want me to know."

I just shit myself and I am hoping it doesn't stink to the point that you can smell it.

1/16/2010 3:35:29 PM

i have been alive since the world was young

1/16/2010 3:37:37 PM

daddy he once told me son you be hard working man
momma she once told me son you do the best you can
but then one day
I met a man
who came to me and said
hard work good, and hard work fine, but first take care of head

1/16/2010 4:27:02 PM

Quote :

""Why would I tell you if I don't want you to know?""

That's all you needed to say! I hate the "weakest point" questions too--I usually choose something that I honestly know is weak, but spin it so it's like "I could probably stand some more work on this."

1/16/2010 4:43:53 PM

^ i think that question might just exist to see if someone is stupid enough to actually admit they have a glaring flaw

1/16/2010 4:45:45 PM

Quote :

"You moving on from Cisco or is it an internal interview process?"

It's an internal opening. I like what I do now, but I've been doing it for a long time, and looking to switch gears a little bit.

Quote :

" I'm willing to bet this guy is not the final say in whether you get hired."

You'd be correct. He's one of several who I interviewed with, and would be my peer should I get hired. He certainly has a say, but he's one guy, and he's known to be a little eccentric. This was my first time talking to him, though.

1/16/2010 6:09:55 PM

Quote :

"Tell me something about yourself you don't want me to know. "

I have a massive fart that I'm straining to hold in. I don't want you to know this because it would make you uncomfortable.

1/16/2010 6:50:32 PM

LOL @ begonias

1/16/2010 6:52:44 PM

You could have totally mind fucked him and been like.

"I don't want you to know that I have certain things I don't want you to know about."

1/16/2010 6:54:01 PM

Don't say, "Doin' your wife."
Don't say, "Doin' your wife."
Don't say, "Doin' your wife."

1/16/2010 7:02:30 PM

"Doin' your son"

1/16/2010 7:04:47 PM

^^ perfect setup
^ perfect execution
well done sirs

1/16/2010 7:26:38 PM

I pick my nose
and always stick the boogers
under the side of my office chair.

So you see
I need new job
because my old chair is full.

1/16/2010 7:55:58 PM

The question was probably designed to throw you for a loop and see how you respond. I was asked once, "What is bothering you right now?"

I went on a rant about how my roommate stole a shoe lace out of my shoes last night I spend like 3 hours trying to find replacements but couldn't and it caused me to be lose sleep. They had a good laugh.

1/16/2010 8:05:28 PM

"I like the first two Spice Girls albums, but I feel after that they clearly fizzled out creatively."

1/16/2010 8:05:32 PM

There is nothing I could tell you that I didn't want you to know because if I told you then its not something I didn't want you to know.

-My Answer

[Edited on January 17, 2010 at 4:36 AM. Reason : .]

1/17/2010 4:35:53 AM

Quote :

"If you could be any animal, what would you be?"

A bear.

So I could maul your fucking face off for asking such a stupid ass question.

1/17/2010 8:07:16 AM

hahaha

1/17/2010 8:17:20 AM

"Tell me something about yourself you don't want me to know."

I think the twilight craze is getting mega weird with the robert pattinson underwear, but if I say that in public, I might get staked in the heart. (female interviewer)

Even though I was born in the south, and have lived here all my life, I still think nascar is extremely boring circles, except for the crashes. (male interviewer)

"If you could be any animal, what would you be?"

A vampire? Just kidding, I guess a wolf, as that is what I am, no? (F)

A wolf, after my alma mater. (M)

[Edited on January 17, 2010 at 8:39 AM. Reason : deflect!]

1/17/2010 8:27:18 AM

This question just signals that the person who asked it is going to be unpleasant to work with. It just means that the asker has bad interpersonal skills and cannot get a read on someone just by having a normal conversation.

We usually just have lunch with the candidate and see how they participate in regular lunch conversations.

1/17/2010 1:11:43 PM

^ i disagree on the first part of your comment there

with little to no actual reason behind my opinion

1/17/2010 1:14:57 PM

Quote :

"is going to be unpleasant to work with"

by all accounts this is pretty much the case, but apparently he's a good guy outside of work. Luckily for me, if they offer me the position, he's based out of california, so i won't have to spend much time with him.

1/17/2010 2:18:32 PM

w00t, I got the jerb!

2/4/2010 7:43:05 AM

Hey, Congrats man!

2/4/2010 7:47:39 AM

Congrats!

2/4/2010 7:49:13 AM

Congrats!

2/4/2010 7:50:33 AM

You win!

2/4/2010 7:51:44 AM

2/4/2010 7:53:35 AM

Quote :

"Tell me something about yourself you don't want me to know."

My response would be:

"I do not feel comfortable answering this question, and quite frankly, I do not see how it is relevant to the hiring process for this position. I feel it is a question with no right answer designed trap me into divulging information to write myself out of contention for the job so you can fill your quota of interviewing minority candidates. I will be speaking with HR in regards to the validity of this question's worth."

2/4/2010 8:28:54 AM

"When I was in 6th grade I still didn't know that two different fluids came out of your penis. I still just thought you pee'd in the girl to get her pregnant. So when I masturbated for the first time and a creamy white substance came out it really freaked me out. Happy?"

2/4/2010 8:56:04 AM

I've been through questions very similar to those before during an interview and once hired he told me the only purpose was to see how well you think on your feet and how you react to things.

my answers would have been boring.

1. when i lie i touch my nose. its a very obvious tell, so i try not to lie any place but the internet.

2. squirrel. they chase each other, have fun and spend all their time outside. their predators are also few and far between.

2/4/2010 9:37:13 AM

There's something you don't know about me, Joe Rogan. I smoke rocks.

2/4/2010 9:48:57 AM

2/4/2010 9:57:53 AM

^^ ahahahahaha

My response:

"I know that I have a connection at the DMV, and know which cars in the parking lot belong to each of you. I also know that a bag of rock salt, a turkey baster, and a jar of molasses are contained within my field bag.

Something about me that not even I know, though, is that I will do with the aforementioned material if I get asked any more stupid questions."


I would hire someone with a response like that. They came prepared, they have ingenuity, and they can work on the fly. All valuable quantities.

That and I wouldn't want my truck getting fucked up.

[Edited on February 4, 2010 at 10:10 AM. Reason : ]

2/4/2010 10:04:45 AM