Anyone read this? Looks pretty good.

Quote :

"Fired from his job at the Analsausage Fuck Factory, Lucifer Niggerbastard sets off on an epic quest with his compatriots, a burbling sack of babyshit and Rojir the razor-bladed dildo. Written based off an outline of the events of Virgil’s Aeneid scribbled on the back of a cocktail napkin by a drunk, The Vagina Ass of Lucifer Niggerbastard is an epic tale told in a bizarro-author’s take on the ancient Homeric masters."

http://www.blameitonthevoices.com/2010/05/book-of-day.html

5/8/2010 10:19:49 PM

I like this razor bladed dildo character.

5/8/2010 10:21:09 PM

WHAT IN THE LIVING HELL IS THIS!?

5/8/2010 10:21:32 PM

Sounds like a rip of The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs.

5/8/2010 10:25:50 PM

I have to vent...

So for my wife's birthday I decide to give her a special present - an iPhone. She's got an iMac, is a graphics designer, and loves to rant about how Microsoft sucks in her spare time. I did the research and elected to make the switch. I bought a pair of iPhones online, and asked a very simple question: Can I wait to activate these phones? The answer: Yes, you can wait up to 30 days.

So April 1st (bad omen from the start) my iPhones arrive in the mail. I leave them in box and attempt to use http://www.cellswapper.com to find someone to take my Verizon contracts. And lucky me, I find a guy willing to swap 2 AT&T lines for my Verizon lines. Sweet! Well, it was around this time (April 14th) that, to my surprise, I get a BILL from AT&T. I call customer service to say "WTF?" Their answer: "Oh well iPhone accounts are activated the day they arrive in the mail.

....

Now, if I'm not mistaken, this particular fact DIRECTLY CONTRADICTS WHAT I WAS TOLD EARLIER. I say as much to customer service. No dice. I now have accounts with both AT&T and Verizon. Now what? Well, I decide to use the AT&T account, b/c my wife is dying to use her iPhone. So I activate the iPhones, setup the account... and port in the #'s from the Verizon account.

That... that was a bad move...

See I figured that an account with no active line which just "go dormant." By that I mean the monthly charges would continue even though no calls/texts/etc. were being made. But no, this is not the case. Port out the number for an active line, band the line is automatically canceled. So when I try to swap contracts with "the other guy," I'm informed that I just screwed myself over (my words, not there's).

Back to Verizon customer service. I get a guy on the line that says he can set me up with 2 new Verizon lines which he'd "fix" so that their contract lengths would match the what I had previously. One problem - I had to wait til the end of the billing cycle - May 3rd - before I could do this. Make note of that date. It's important.

So, the day I'm supposed to do this comes and goes. The customer service rep doesn't call like he said he would to get the process started. Tried calling him multiple times. No dice. So I explain the situation to a NEW customer service rep. Guess what he tells me? "Oh, well what that other guys said is bullshit. No way we can do something like that."

....

Now this is getting fucking ridiculous...

Ok, so we come up with a NEW plan - port my #'s BACK to Verizon, do the assumption of liability, and THEN port the #'s back to AT&T. So I do this. I port the number back to Verizon. I go through all the stupid steps again. I reactivate my old Verizon phones. They work fine, now time to make the switch. Thankfully "the other guy" was patient enough to stick with the plan.

Now, this evening, time comes to start the switch. At long last this was going to be over. We could do a normal "Assumption of Liability" switch, and be DONE with it. But, before calling AT&T customer service (b/c God knows it was fun dealing with Verizon and just HAD to have some more), I started thinking...

"Wait a sec. I have an AT&T account, thus I have AT&T contracts. Will I have cancellation charges if I port my numbers out? After all I already committed that fuck-up with Verizon and God forbid I make the mistake again. Oh shit... please don't say I'm screwed again... PLEASE don't say I'm screwed again..."

Response from AT&T: "Our records show that you have $350 in cancellation fees... b/c your 30-day window to cancel without penalty ended on May 1st."

....

Fuck... me...


So yeah, I'm screwed. So (tonight) I went ahead and did the only thing I could - I ported my numbers back to AT&T (AGAIN) and ate the cancellation charges with Verizon ($230). Funny, I could have done this a month ago. And to think... if I had done so I'd have never had to go through any of this hassle... including...

- the couple DOZEN hours I spent on the phone with not one but TWO different customer service agencies
- having representatives from BOTH companies tell me things I later found out were bullshit (those being (A) that I could wait up to 30 days to activate the iPhones, and (B) that I could setup two new lines to complete the "Assumption of Liability" process)
- having NEW representatives from BOTH companies inform me of said bullshit
- having the Verizon rep walk me through a long drawn out plan that actually WOULD work... only to have it fall through b/c I missed a 30-day deadline by FOUR DAMN DAYS...
- having to explain all this to "the other guy" who is a lawyer working for an Indian Tribe on a reservation that, shockingly enough, doesn't have reception with AT&T
- also having to explain to my wife that all the hours I spent finding "the other guy" and trying to make this convoluted plan work all fell through... and we STILL HAVE TO PAY THE FUCKING $230 CANCELLATION FEE...



And now... I'm going home. Thankfully now I've calmed down a little. It's "Coronas & lime" time now...


[/epic rant]

5/8/2010 10:26:07 PM

What is this, I don't even.

5/8/2010 10:26:16 PM

5/8/2010 10:26:44 PM

South Park did it

5/8/2010 10:34:43 PM