So I get woken up at the crack of dawn this morning by a text message from a number I didn't recognize. I texted back and discovered that it was a friend of mine that is a small business owner in the area. We spoke, and he advised me that he heard some disturbing information that involved me. He was playing games of chance with a group of gentlemen, when he learned of their ambition to assassinate me.

He was clearly upset, so I asked him to calm down and tell me the whole story. It turns out that he heard the story from another friend of mine, who was partaking in games of chance with some gentleman I knew years ago when I was unemployed. Well now that I am making a decent living, they are jealous and want to end my life. I have weapons so I am not concerned, but I wanted to ask TWW what I should do before calling back my friend.

This is what I know so far. For some reason these gentlemen are upset over my watch, a car I recently bought from a gentleman in Texas, some friends I fist-bumped with at a Georgetown basketball game, and the pen I have halfway built for my dog Virginia. I also know that they are upset over a crib I bought for my Mother to put her doll collection in. She lives in a Retirement Home in Florida.

How should I proceed, TWW?

12/1/2012 12:33:47 PM

Lol

12/1/2012 12:35:26 PM

I enjoy gospel and flowers, if that helps. And ADT is supposed to be out here today to install my security system.

[Edited on December 1, 2012 at 12:37 PM. Reason : a]

12/1/2012 12:36:43 PM

I should tell you more about Virginia, she is the most adorable Rottie ever!!! She just loves to sit by the front door and stare out at the squirrels. She loves treats too. Her favorites are Beggin' Strips and gun powder.

[Edited on December 1, 2012 at 12:44 PM. Reason : a]

12/1/2012 12:43:09 PM

B. I. G., B. E. E., BIGBEE

12/1/2012 12:43:12 PM

[Edited on December 1, 2012 at 12:48 PM. Reason : a]

12/1/2012 12:47:55 PM

What should I do?

12/1/2012 4:57:37 PM

make a post on tww about it!

12/1/2012 5:42:24 PM

do you hear some footsteps approaching?

12/1/2012 5:47:00 PM

Grow a pair of balls.

12/1/2012 6:07:56 PM

12/1/2012 6:16:09 PM

What blows my mind is that it's always the ones that want to hang out with you, then as soon as you are doing well in life they want to bring it to fisticuffs.

Rest assured, I will not back down. I have a cat and an eagle, both carrying paper clips.

12/1/2012 6:19:29 PM

let them know the apron is in the freezer and you won't be back to check on the monkey.

12/1/2012 7:19:22 PM

lulz wrong thread

12/1/2012 7:32:23 PM

Quote :

"GAMES OF CHANCE"

"these gentlemen"

12/1/2012 7:37:02 PM

Games of chance?

12/1/2012 7:46:54 PM

Quote :

"I have weapons so I am not concerned"

12/1/2012 7:54:34 PM

12/1/2012 8:21:27 PM

I guess I should have posted this in The Lounge

12/1/2012 8:27:49 PM

Quote :

"GAMES OF CHANCE"

12/1/2012 8:33:33 PM

damn, where do you get your friends?

i get mad with my buddies, but tampons down the gas tank, feeding EXLAX to their indoor dog, and their pictures, email and phone # on gay personals sites seems to be the extent of my wrath

12/2/2012 7:25:26 AM

wish I knew what thread this was mocking

12/2/2012 12:29:10 PM

^

12/2/2012 6:50:42 PM

So Pop is expecting my call soon, what should I tell him?

12/2/2012 10:19:39 PM

Quote :

"wish I knew what thread this was mocking"

12/2/2012 10:22:21 PM

Thanks for all the help, guys

12/2/2012 10:22:56 PM

That you can't sleep; addicted to your Tony.

12/2/2012 10:23:07 PM

addicted to my Kony.

12/2/2012 10:27:56 PM

For some reason these gentlemen also want to steal my ice cream. I mean, I kind of get it because I have Cherry Garcia in the freezer, and that shit is pretty awesome. This all kind of feels like a dream, almost like things aren't how they appear to be

12/2/2012 10:31:41 PM

I know this: If they try to mess with the smoked cheddar cheese I have in the fridge, then they must be fans of the TV show "Baretta" and the Oregon football team.

12/2/2012 10:40:10 PM

They want to murder you and steal your ice cream?

...that does sound like something I would encounter in a dream.

12/2/2012 10:40:22 PM

Do you smoke blunts and look at pictures?

12/2/2012 10:42:06 PM

When you smoke a blunt your smoking tobacco with your weed, I looked it up and come to find out a blunt is simply tobacco thats been turned into a paste and flattened. So your basically wrapping your weed up in tobacco!

12/2/2012 10:46:16 PM

Quote :

"turned into a paste"

12/2/2012 11:03:48 PM

^^ why would someone do such a thing?

12/2/2012 11:09:10 PM

12/2/2012 11:09:10 PM

Dont smoke any blunt thats GREEN. They cause cancer like a mofo look it up, those are the heaviest on the chest

12/2/2012 11:15:45 PM

Quote :

"ON THE CHEST"

12/2/2012 11:17:39 PM

I worked in a kitchen one time and we had some dog head beer steak night or some bullshit.. I drank a lot of beer (not after people) but ate a lot of the middle of people's steaks.. I mean they probably didn't fuck with that part

12/2/2012 11:18:30 PM

Darn, people are trying to stab you for your money?
I repeat, darn, people are trying to stab you for your money?

12/3/2012 11:03:50 AM

The more marijuana cigarettes I smoke, the angrier I become. I have come to the realization that I don't care for this group of gentlemen, they are not as strong as me. I wonder how they would react if I turned the tables and came after them.

12/3/2012 11:13:51 AM

Quote :

" I have a cat and an eagle, both carrying paper clips."

hee hee

12/3/2012 11:21:47 AM

I am not going to run away. If needed, I will discharge my firearm.

brb, I think someone is at my door. Probably the UPS guy or something.

12/3/2012 11:27:46 AM